Life Goes On

Sitting here, drinking a cup of hot spiced apple cider and pondering the intricacies of life.
I haven't been around much because I haven't had much to say.
Or I have, but I didn't know how to say it.
Or I have, but didn't know if it should be said.
Or I have, but worried about who might read it.

And while I've been absent, life has gone on.
I find myself pondering my place in this world, both the physical world, and the cyber world.
Do my thoughts, my words, my actions hold significance?
Is significance to me, enough, or do others need to find me significant for my significance to have value?

I often don't see the fruits of my efforts.
I don't know if I've been a blessing or a burden.
I can't know if something I've said will be used later to impact a life for change.
Both in the physical world, and the cyber world.

I woke up this morning, tired, but warm beneath my comforter.
Blessed to read a passage in my Bible.
Next to a man who loves me, and loves the Lord, and was doing the same.
With children asleep in the next room.
Bears and Doggies tucked in the crooks of their arms.
Healthy. Warm. Oblivious. Happy.

My praises to the Lord, easy.
Blessed. Contented. Peaceful.
Healthy. Warm. Clothed. Fed. Full.

A family to love.
Boo boos to kiss.
Mouths to feed.
Clothes to wear.
Dishes to wash.
A schedule to keep.

My concerns, merely keeping up with the stresses of life.
Beating the bus.
Washing those dishes.
Laundering those clothes.
Feeding those mouths.
Worrying about those tiny cuts and scrapes.
Finding more time to sit and be still with my Lord.

Longing for the Lord to stir within my soul,
To hear of His voice,
To feel of His touch,
The embrace of His love.

I put my hot cider cup to my temple and the curve of my cheek bone,
and absorb it's heat. My eyes close and my eyelashes brush the smooth ceramic.
The prayer list rushes to the surface.

A mother having high risk heart surgery today.
A father recovering from elective brain surgery last week.
An infant in heaven. Her mother who aches.
Fertility questions and concerns for a number of my sisters.
Job loss. Possibility of job loss. Continued job search over many years.
A wife hundreds of miles from her husband.
Micah's friend who's parents just found out she has a serious neurological disorder.

My warmth, peace, contentment, and comfort squirm and ache within my being.
I fight survivors guilt, pray, then beat the guilt into a spirit of praise.
And then I don't.

Moments have ticked on,
Thoughts have moved on,
My world keeps spinning.
My contentment returns,
My ignorance and naivety win out
And the small meaningless stresses of life
Begin to take over again.

It's an interesting world the Lord created.
Good mixed in with evil.
Blessings a midst pain.
Prayer requests that break our heart
And moments that make it sing.

How we can choose to learn lessons from the experiences of others,
Or separate ourselves from their pain and circumstances.
How stories are only significant to us,
If they stir something up within us.
Emotionally or physically tying us to the prayer or need
Causes us to pray more sincerely and passionately.

Is it enough, that their tragedy or situation has caused me to reflect on life?
Is it even significant that I cherish my children more because of a friends loss?

My sister thinks I'm more sensitive than normal and spewing all of these thoughts and questions out as a result. Maybe. Because of this I debated burying this in the draft screen that has become a graveyard of posts I wasn't confident enough to post. But then she said that she also thinks perhaps we all need to be more sensitive than normal to the pains and concerns of those around us. I think there is truth to that and I also think maybe it doesn't matter at all, because writing this has broken a barrier of sorts, a ten foot pole that was standing between me and my Lord, my ability to see Him in the details. So often I learn and grow just from writing and I love how one or two sentences can turn into a long, raw, and spiritual journey type of post.

Until next time my friends,

The Truth About Concealer

Source

Yesterday, I was at the store when I remembered that I needed some new makeup. A new lipstick, eye liner, and foundation/powder. First of all, what a can of worms that opened! Why can't buying makeup be quick, cheap and easy? I decided to switch back to brown eyeliner and ended up needing eye-shadow and mascara to match. Then spent 10 minutes trying to decide on a shade of lipstick that would be close to my usual so my husband would like it but different enough to make me feel striking and extravagant when I wore it. Finally, after buying all new detail makeup I was ready to grab my usual foundation and powder. Imagine my dismay when I discovered Kroger didn't have it, and didn't have great sales. After 10 more minutes, I finally  opted for a powder/foundation combo and decided to buy a (cheaper than foundation) stick of concealer for the harder to cover spots like under my eyes and around my chin. 

My poor boys thought I was down right insubordinate at this point. "Mom, cupcake, cupcake" Micah kept demanding, as the whole purpose of running to the store in the first place was to buy the boys consolation cupcakes for not being allowed to stay at the Men's Superbowl Party at church "Mom, why can't I stay at the men's party and have cake? I'm a men, and I like football!" Owen declared with a pout as we drove home from church. By the time we got home and I finally got the boys their cupcake Micah had been hysterical for 5 minutes. 

So this morning rolls around and I get to use my new makeup. What is it about new makeup that is so exciting, and refreshing (and addicting, did you notice I needed 4 items and left with 6, 3 of which I didn't intend on buying in the first place)? I usually drag my feet or skip makeup all together, but not today, I couldn't wait to get in the bathroom and beautify myself today! 

Source

My first step was to apply the concealer and I realized that this is probably only the second time in my whole makeup-applying lifetime that I've purchased/used concealer. I went to work, gingerly applying a dab of concealer here, and a dab there. I targeted my eyes and chin first but then when I rubbed it in I realized there were a few blemishes, and then scars from previous blemishes, and when those were concealed I found freckles on my nose I didn't like, and is that an age spot in the middle of my forehead?   


By the time I was done, I realized I would have been better off starting with a solid foundation from the beginning.  Not only did it use more product (often applying two or three coats) and take more time to fix everything, I realized that it kept revealing more faults in my complexion. Hiding or concealing one, made another jump out at me like a bulls eye or Target symbol on my face. 

This same concept applies to my Christian Walk.  Many times I'll find myself with a weak foundation, my prayer life might be rock solid but my devotion time will be suffering and my heart gripping onto pain, anger, or jealousy. Perhaps I'm reading my Bible daily, and my heart is loving graciously, but my prayer life is suffering greatly, unsure, unwilling for whatever reason to give it to God in prayer. When these times arise, and we all know that they do, I can almost see myself standing in front of a hypothetical mirror with a hypothetical stick of concealer. Overcompensating in one area or another, trying as hard as I can to hide each resulting issue from my husband, my kids, my friends, my readers, and if I'm painfully honest, my Lord. 

On the other hand, if my heart is clean, my prayer life and devotion time are all in line, in other words, my foundation is solid, then everything else sort of just falls into place. I'm more tolerant with my children, more productive, more approachable, my flaws are less apparent, my sinful tendencies easier to resist, and I'm fit and ready to be used by the Lord.

Source

How easy it is to chose the cheaper concealer route, to push off devotion time, or prayer, or even a confession until later, assuming it wont cause any harm, but how quickly they get forgotten. Later never comes, and one issue snowballs into another, leaving blemishes, targets, all over our best intentions. Concealing each resulting issue one at a time, painfully revealing more sin, and more heartache, more frustrations that need to be dealt with. How much smarter it is to start with a solid foundation from the beginning, to take the time necessary each day to invest in our spiritual life with prayer, devotions, and by protecting our hearts. 

Today, I chose foundation, and I pray the Lord will continue to use this example as a reminder to me when I'm tempted to cheat and push my time with Him aside for other things. I pray that using concealer everyday on my face (until it is gone, or I can justify spending even more money on makeup to replace it with foundation), will help me to form long term habits of maintaining a strong foundation on my Christian Walk. 

What have you been using? 

Psalm 32 and Praying Through Scripture

Lately I've been trying to pray through scripture to help strengthen my prayers, to give me variety in how and what I pray for, and to help me meditate on scripture long enough to remember or at least retain it. Doing this has helped to keep me focused during my prayer time, and increased the amount of time I spend praying.

As implied in yesterday's Turned Off for the Glory of the Lord Update, I've been struggling with distraction, sluggard-ness, and a lack of self motivation lately. So Psalm 32 really spoke to me. There were so many good things in there to pray, so many motivators, reminders, and for good measure a good swift kick in the rear near the end. I wanted to share the Psalm with you because it was so encouraging to me as I prayed through it today.

Psalm 32

1 Blessed is the one 

whose transgressions are forgiven, 

whose sins are covered. 

2 Blessed is the one 

whose sin the LORD does not count against them 

and in whose spirit is no deceit.

3 When I kept silent, 

my bones wasted away 

through my groaning all day long. 

4 For day and night 

your hand was heavy on me; 

my strength was sapped 

as in the heat of summer.[b]

5 Then I acknowledged my sin to you 

and did not cover up my iniquity. 

I said, “I will confess 

my transgressions to the LORD.” 

And you forgave 

the guilt of my sin.

6 Therefore let all the faithful pray to you 

while you may be found; 

surely the rising of the mighty waters 

will not reach them. 

7 You are my hiding place; 

you will protect me from trouble 

and surround me with songs of deliverance.

8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; 

I will counsel you with my loving eye on you. 

9 Do not be like the horse or the mule, 

which have no understanding 

but must be controlled by bit and bridle 

or they will not come to you. 

10 Many are the woes of the wicked, 

but the LORD’s unfailing love 

surrounds the one who trusts in him.

11 Rejoice in the LORD and be glad, you righteous; 

sing, all you who are upright in heart!

I found verses 3 and 4 to be especially true for me. The more lazy I've gotten the more exhausted I have become. There are so many verses in here that speak to all of the reasons I've been convicted to cut out Television during the weeks, and start weeding away other distractions and bad habits.  The horse and mule mentioned in verse 9 were a nice swift kick in the rear for me today. :-p Then there is verse 8 which is so encouraging and affirming.

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If your interested in giving it a try, this is how it works for me. Basically, you read the first verse then pray, whatever the Lord is laying on your heart, as much as the Lord is laying on your heart through that verse, when you run out of things to pray or feel yourself getting distracted, go to the next verse. That's it.

The Psalms are unique in that they were inspired by God, to be offered back to God, and therefore they are a great place to start praying through the scriptures. The suggestion I'm using is to break the Psalms down into "Psalms of the day" to help you stay on a schedule. Now, if you take the total number of Psalms and divide by 30 you get 5 psalms per day, so take the day on the calendar (today is the 2nd) start there, then keep adding 30 till you get 5, example; 2, 32, 62, 92, 122 are the Psalms for today. The idea is to use as many as you have time to use, or just one. Don't worry about praying all five, instead skim through them looking for the one that best speaks to you, and then pray through it.


Does this Psalm speak to you?
I'm curious if you have ever prayed through scripture and what that looks like for you.

Thanks for stopping by, I'm looking forward to hearing about how the Lord is working in your life, so leave a comment below or join through Google Friend Connect and I'll come check out your blog!

The Peace Lilly

Father God, 

Today I want to thank you for the three years, one month and two days that I have survived since miscarrying Tobi. Thank you for the love that was poured on us, and the prayers that covered and lifted us closer to you during that time. Thank you for the cards, the flowers, the stolen glances of half smiles (you know, the ones where a persons lips raise but their eyes only reflect a shared pain), for the bible verses that remind me and breathed life back into a hurting heart. 

Mostly Lord I thank you for the Peace Lilly. For the friend who sent it to me.

She had no idea what it would mean to me, couldn't have had any clue that for days, weeks, months, and even the next 2 years that one plant would live on my coffee table and serve to remind me I wasn't alone. Remind me of the prayers others had prayed. Remind me of the strength and peace that only You can provide. 

Lord I thank you that for years that plant brought me comfort and rest. I praise you for small symbols that can keep us rooted in your love and your faithfulness. This plant was not my baby, it was not my Lord, but it was so precious because of everything it represented to me.

I thank you Lord that now I keep a Peace Lilly, not to remind me of Tobi, but to remind me to pray for others. I thank you that I'm able to see more than the pain and peace I needed to survive, but I think of others before myself, the women I've sent Peace Lilly's to. I praise you that, while I wish none of these other women had suffered loss, a mother gone too soon, a husband lost to a terrible disease, and more miscarriages that will never be forgotten, it reminds me to pray. To continue praying for these women, these situations, their strength, Your peace. I praise you that while I'll always think of Tobi and miss what could have been, I've learned more about pain.

I praise you Father that it's getting easier to find the blessings that stemmed from this loss. That the statements of praise I was able to mutter that day, week, month have become stronger, true-er, and easier to say, to feel. 

Thank you for the promise that Tobi was to us, the symbol that we could have more children. Thank you ever more that his or her life is made complete in your love and company.

Oh the joy it will be to meet in heaven, women talk about that surprise feeling of waiting until birth to find out what they are having, I don't think I could do it, but here I am, waiting until death with eager joy. 

I love you for being Faithful and Peaceful, and even for using our deepest pain to teach us and mold us into the people you want us to be. With the faith and testimonies you want us to have. 

Thank you Father.

Gratitude for Communication With My Father

Abba Father,

Today I just want to pause and thank you for the privilege of prayer. 

For giving us the ability to reach out and communicate with you directly. 

To ask for your spirit to intercede on behalf of 

friends, family, and strangers going through difficult times, 

needing extra grace, strength, or wisdom. 

God, I praise you for listening to our concerns, needs, and desires.

For hearing our cries, for ourselves and those nearest to us. 

I don't pause to appreciate how precious it is that you allow us, unworthy as we are, to reach out to you this way as often as I should. 

Thank you, that prayer and communication with you 

can be as natural and easy as breathing, 

that there isn't a bunch of hoopla or ceremonial rituals we need to do first, we can simply breath and speak or think the things on our hearts and burdening our minds. 

Father I praise you for the opportunity to pray for 

two struggling marriages, 

the complications of morning sickness, 

a special request for wisdom, 

new pregnancies, 

future pregnancies for 2 friends,

and a mothers broken heart. 

Father, I thank you in advance for the miracles you are already weaving, 

for the answers you will give to these prayers, 

whether they are the answers we expect or not. 

Lord I praise you for the opportunity to be a part of the good 

you will work in these situations, 

and bringing peace of mind to my friends,

by allowing them to rest when they do not know what to pray, 

knowing that a friend is interceding on their behalf. 

Note to readers: Sorry there isn't a picture for this one. 1. it's just so personal and raw, and 2. hopefully I find my camera cord again soon ;) 

Conviction Stick-tion

I hope you've enjoyed the first two days of my Thanksgiving or Gratitude posts. I'm really savoring this time where I stop and focus not on what needs to be done, but on what my Lord has already done.

I know that two posts in one day is unusual for me, but this mornings post was brief.

I wanted to take a moment and share with you a nugget that I have been chewing on the last 4 or 5 days or so about conviction. Looking back at various different things the Lord has convicted me on through the years, I'm realizing that several of them are repeats and several others have faded away.

Have you noticed this in your life as well? The Lord will point something out in me, and I will embrace His correction and discipline, I'll heed the warnings and change my ways. Often with fires ablaze. Striving to do better, eager, daily, to follow through with this, or that, better behavior. That eagerness might last 5 days or even 15, but almost always the thing I was convicted on gets easier to avoid, and so I don't have to think as hard about avoiding it, until I don't think on it. I don't think on it at all. Slowly, as those days of blissful freedom from that sin go on, the sin creeps back in without an invitation, and without an announcement of it's arrival until all of a sudden I'm so heavily immersed in it again, the Lord is shaking His head. Wondering what it will take to get through to me.

Yesterday there was a status floating around that said "What is different, still different, about your parenting after seeing Courageous (the most recent movie by Sherwood Films) last month?"

Nothing. Not due to Courageous. I have a friend who is incredibly patient and remarkably understanding of the ages and stages of her children, I've made many changes in my parenting style in response to being close with this friend, and have been using the 1, 2, 3 Magic technique. Both have made me a better mother, given me a stronger voice of authority and fewer emotional break downs over my children. I am doing better, but I'm not thinking on and reflecting over that conviction in which I felt at the theater, I'm not praying about being better. Based on the pattern of previous convictions I know I'm in trouble. To put it simply, if I'm not thinking on it or praying over it, then I'm in danger. My convictions are in danger of disappearing all together and my parenting skills are mere days away from slipping back into patterns of impatience, laziness, and higher expectations than a 4 year old can meet.

These convictions are the relatively easy ones, but what about the not so easy convictions? The ones that the Lord manages to point out to us through or during a major trial or tribulation? Issues of pride, idols, self sacrifice, or service to our Lord.  If three or four years have passed since that trial and the convictions, the resolutions, you put into place then have faded or waned, then what is the lasting impact of the trial?

Are the memories of that time too painful to revisit?
Are they just memories?
Or have you managed to manifest those memories in the forefront of your mind, reflecting on them frequently?
Choosing to remember where you have been, from which you have come, and what the Lord wants from you?

For lack of a better term, let's call it Conviction Stick-tion. Praying for, remembering on, the good that we need to be doing, so that we can effectively leave the sins of our past, in the past. The devil is a tricky little fella and he can make us think we are in all kinds of right behavior, doing what's best for all involved until before we know it our conviction has lost it's stick-tion and we are right back where we started.

Is there an area that the Lord has been pointing out to you recently, a conviction you have perhaps struggled with regularly that needs some extra stick-tion? If there is, I pray that my sharing this prodding in my life, this nudging I've been feeling from the Lord, can help you to refocus, to recognize your weakness before it is too late.

A Romans 8:28 Day Continued

I left you when the afternoon was beginning to wind down, my day was coming to a close. I'd had one of my favorite lunches and was feeling great about life in general, feeling charged about getting back into scripture and calling myself out on being a slacker, on allowing my faith to be weakened by laziness and taking a stand against that weakness, which made me feel strong.

Then, the phone rang.

I know this all sounds very dramatic, and I'm afriad you might feel like it was anticlimatic as the story unfolds, but, this phone call, minor that it was, shook me --especially because my faith had been weakened by lack of obedience in reading my Bible-- it threatened my confidence. It made me bawl like a baby. For my baby.

I want to write a piece about being the mother of a child with Hyper-PHE (Non-PKU), my experience and my worries, but this isn't the place. What I will say is that when Micah John was a few days old we had the pleasure of seeing the Lord shock the doctors. They expected him to have severe or classic PKU and instead the results came back just outside of the normal range.

We left the clinic without a diagnosis and with a greater understanding of how BIG our Lord is. However, on the medical side of things, one low test was not/is not enough for a confirmed "mis-diagnosis," the doctors and lab technicians still needed to know whether Micah has the third kind of PKU, Non-PKU where the back up of PHE in the blood is more than normal but not significant enough to cause brain damage or other severe side effects.

So, testing continued. Every few months as an infant and then skip a few tests ;) we finally went in for his one year old clinical appointment (exactly 2 months shy to the day of his 2nd birthday). The doctors were perplexed as I told our story. This test was high, but my wallet touched it. Then next test was just above normal, and I nursed during it to reduce his stress. This test was SUPER high, but the nurse wasn't wearing gloves and touched his blood! The next test, his last test came back lower than my PHE levels were the one time I was tested. (The doctor in training loved me. I made him laugh and laugh. "Does his urine smell bad?" he asks, "I mean, it's urine!?" I said. How does one answer that questions seriously?) This appointment had taken place a week before. I knew the results would be coming, but for 2 years we hadn't had any solid reason to believe our child even had Hyper-PHE.

I truly believe Micah was born with Classic PKU, the doctors proved to us that their testing, skills, and insight are dead on. So I know, Micah had the worst case scenario, and the Lord healed him of that. And until this phone call came in, on my Romans 8:28 day, I still had the ability to believe in a complete healing. A total miracle. I wanted a total miracle, to call the original clinic and say "Hey guess what God did!?!" To use this story to continue telling others of the good that God has done in our life through this, and could do through theirs.

I was expecting another lower-than-normal PHE test, this test had not been compromised, not touched, not taken under higher than average stress, not mishandled. This test was accurate.

This test proves Micah has Hyper-PHE.

It still brings tears to my eyes. I know it could have been worse without the Lords grace and mercy. I know my prayers were answered, just not exactly how I'd hoped for them to be.

My baby is so healthy, doesn't need diet restrictions and doesn't need as many tests as before, or any number of other things that we have never even had to deal with. I am so so blessed.  But on this day, despite my blessings, I was feeling sad, a little scared again because of the dietitians confusing back and forth contradictory conversation with me, and plain old sorry for myself.

The friend I mentioned in yesterdays post talked to me privately for a minute and said "I'm sorry I guess it really is a Romans 8:28 day" I read her words, smiled a little and didn't let them sink in. My heart was sad.

I go and pick up my kiddos, hug my Micah John harder, complain to my friend who watched them, and then went home.

At home, waiting at my front door was a brand new sewing machine, from a friend whom I have prayed for, cried with, and grown to love, through cyber space. I have not met this sweet woman in person, but she felt strongly that I needed a sewing machine, and so she blessed me with one. On this very day when I was feeling lower than I should have, confused, sad and maybe a little forgotten the Lord gave me a sewing machine.

What does a sewing machine have to do with PKU? Nothing. Nothing at all. But as I sat in church the next Sunday evening listening to Pastor Tim preach on Romans 8:28 AGAIN he said that the good is not only the good we will see or experience out of a situation, but also that the Lord loves us and wants to see us happy. He wants to bless us with things that we will enjoy. Like sewing on a new sewing machine. Digging deeper still Pastor went on to say that the good isn't always for us either, but sometimes it's eternal good. Good for the Lord's kingdom. That sadness, pain, trials, and difficult situations can be used by the Lord worked out to bring eternal good that we wont see.

That is when I realized I needed to write about my Romans 8:28 day, because that verse has been made relevent in my life this month, that day, and maybe just maybe someone else is confused by prayers that were answered but not quite the way one expected.

This post holds extra meaning for me today, as I write it thinking about a member of our church who after 7 or 8 years of her family fighting for her, her whole church praying for her, has been taken home to be with the Lord. I wonder what the eternal good is. I am sad for the miracle I believed the Lord would do in her, the testimony I had been waiting to hear. I'm sad for her family who has been so strong, and allowed this to strengthen their faith in times of weakness, and special sadness as a mother, but also as a sister. I keep praying for her brother, our young friend, as he comes home from college under these sad circumstances.

Romans 8:28 a verse that speaks of a love and power that is greater than any I can understand this side of heaven. I am so grateful to be the daughter of a King whom I can trust, even when I'm confused and shaken, I know His purposes are greater than my own. I know that faith in Him is not wasted, and pray I will be that vessel for him to use my circumstances for eternal good.

The Blessings

Standing in my kitchen building our potato casserole for lunch, watching/hearing my husband mow the lawn through our beautiful kitchen window, cartoon noises filling in around the edges, praying for my friend, my sister, I realized I am richly blessed.

Blessed, not just by the obvious things; a husband who loves me with no limits, boys who astound me with their natural boy-ness, a beautiful new home that meets my every earthly want, friendships as special as any I had as a little girl, parents who love their children before themselves, food on my table for every meal, Star-bursts hiding in the closet for my emotional indulgences, and people to share these blessings with. I praise the Lord for each of those, daily, but today I'm grateful for the deeper blessings, the ones that I don't always even realize I have above others. The blessings of hope, faith, love, and peace.

 I am so abundantly blessed to know about Heaven and know the One who will grant me entrance when I leave this earth. I am blessed to have Jesus in my heart, standing there at the ready to hold me up when my world starts to shake. To have faith that even through pain, suffering, and 9-11, the Lord had a plan and could work through even that sorrow to fulfill His greater purpose. Blessed to know that my child is in Heaven, making new friends in the most beautiful nursery I could ever imagine, even as we speak.

Blessed beyond words today by the prayers of the women in our church. Both today's prayers, and those uttered nearly 3 years ago, prayers I cannot fully recall but the effects of which I can still feel when moments pop up where I'm surprised that life had in fact carried on. How beautiful these women are, their stories each unique and yet the pain similar. How precious it is that we can come together in prayer and share deeply and intimately with each other, how encouraging this was to me this morning, even though I was on the praying side.

Blessed today, by the way my Lord has perfectly and beautifully woven our trials together with our blessings, how our hardest moments are some of my favorite memories, how my faith has increased through each struggle or hiccup, our hope has not wavered but grown stronger, and our love fuller, and our peace quieter.

Standing in the kitchen, feeling the faint fall sun on my cheeks, hearing my husband mowing our new lawn, listening to my children, thinking about my mom on her birthday, remembering what I was doing 10 years ago, cooking lunch and dinner for my family, praying for my friend, my sister, I feel so blessed to have faith and hope, and be filled with His love and peace.

I'm sorry that I've been unfaithful to the blogging world lately. I haven't been reading or writing blogs faithfully because there just hasn't been the space to fit it into my head.

We officially close on the house tomorrow and will be de-wallpapering/painting/moving and generally going completely insane all weekend long!!!!!! I am so excited and ready to be over this hump and onto the next thing, decorating and enjoying our new space.

Owen has been extremely emotional lately. Micah rang our doorbell while Owen was inside and he comes out to us sob crying "Micah is ringing the bell and it's hurting my eaaaaars." Um well, ok then, but why are you crying about it? I guess at daycare he's been emotional as well, and threw a full on tantrum about taking a nap one day, lip quivering arms pounding, voice whining, full on crying tantrum. Um well, ok then, but why are you crying about it?

So my best guess, is the obvious one, that he's confused and emotionally worried about our move. I forget that while our current home was never permanent in my mind (though it increasingly felt like it would be as we've now been renting there almost 5 years), it is all the boys have ever known. For that I'm beginning to get a little emotional about leaving. I'm so very excited to finally be providing them with a place of their own, decorating a room special for them, and having a yard where they can play and be kids (our landlady was really good about letting us use hers and keep a sandbox out there but it still felt odd being on her property.) But I forget that Owen doesn't understand the formality of it, he just feels like he's living in the middle of mass chaos, he can't find his toys and can't walk to the tv, doesn't know what to expect at the new house or when it is all happening, no wonder he's grumpy.

He also made a comment one day about how he was going to miss his friends and our church, so we drove him by the new house last night so that he could fully understand it's not far away. We aren't "going" anywhere. He'll still be at daycare and we will still attend our beloved Cornerstone. I think it helped that we went there right after church and then right home, that way he could get a realistic kid-sized idea on where we would be.

27 hours from now and the house will officially be ours. I am so excited about all of the painting and decorating. I think I know what I want to do in the kitchen, but I think a good blog poll is in order to make sure I get everyone's opinions. I'll get mock ups made of the kitchen and see what everyone thinks.

Oh and one last thought. Packing and moving + lost keys = mass chaos.

Luckily, I am blessed with a little boy who has seen mom and dad in these situations before and knows that praying is an excellent solution. So, while I hadn't gotten quite to that point yet, he said "mom let's pray about it" and so he did, and then the very next place I looked, there they were. What a loving Lord I have for A) answering even my tiniest prayers so quickly and fully, and B) blessing me with children who are already understanding the importance of prayer, and C) for my children being able to see prayers answered.

A Silent Pain

Note: I wrote this piece a week ago, blogger went crazy on me a couple of times and it needed a lot of me to write it and work on it, so it's only now being posted. Blogger is still having issues and messed my spacing all up again, I think I've fixed most of it but if not I'm sorry.

I have three post ideas in my head, each equally vying for my attention. Each of equal import in my heart needing time to process and words to give them life. Tears form little pools in my eyes even as I contemplate the beginning, or which thought to focus on.


I was ten when I came home from school to find my pregnant momma and my Aunt DJ sitting next to each other crying. "What happened?" I asked kneeling on the floor in front of my mom with my backpack still on.
"We lost the baby" one of them said.

That Which Is Not Understandable

It's late. I should be going to bed. But I am heart broken and need to find a voice for my pain. Writing is my outlet, my way of expressing emotions I can not verbally describe, this piece will be raw, it will be blunt, it will be hard to write and hard to read. It might be random, but it is real. My faith is strong, my love and trust of Christ unwavering. I do not question God, I do not dare presume to understand Him, and that is where my pain inlies. In a longing to understand that which is not understandable.

How to Make a Categorized Blog Roll

The more I blog, the more I love it. Everything about it. I love reading what other bloggers contribute, both the deep intricate heart wrenching posts and the fun feel good quips. I was so excited a few months back when I found this tutorial from Clover Lane on how to make a banner with pictures.

This was my first Banner I created using her tutorial!

I'm tempted to make another one, but only for enjoyment, I honestly can't imagine a better header right now. At least not until the we get some new summer pictures. Yes, I love exploring this new world I've discovered and figuring out ways to improve the look and feel of my blog.


That is what I have been doing the last two days. I haven't made any major changes, but I am pleased with the way a few minor tweaks have impacted the overall feel. In addition to changing a few fonts and text colors, I moved my About Me information to it's own page where I also added our love story. I finally figured out how to put an Email Subscription option on my page, and moved both that and the Google Friend Follower to the upper right side for better visibility. However, the change I am most excited about is my new and improved, categorized blog roll!

I had long since noticed other bloggers who had labeled the blogs they followed. I especially love the way Lyndsie did this over at A Love Worth Waiting For categorizing the different blogs she follows as Adoption Blogs I love, Blog Love, and Praying For... I love this! I wanted to do this on my page too but could not figure out how!

Finally yesterday I did a little research. While I didn't find anything that specifically walked me through it, I did discover you CAN use a gadget multiple times. Even still it took talking the process out with my sister Claire from Grimm Adventures before I was finally able to make sense of how it would work. Because I feel like it adds such a polishing touch to a blog I want to share the process here, in case other newer or exploring bloggers are interested.

1. Go into your design elements page and select Add A Gadget
2. Select Blog List
3. Name the List for your category (Example: Christian Bloggers)
4. Add sites to the list using the Select from Blogs I'm Following option
5. Only select the blogs that fall under the category
6. Save the gadget and move the object to your desired location
7. Repeat steps 1-6 for each category you would like to display

Now wasn't that easy? Thank you Claire for helping me make sense of the process. I hope you will all glance at the right side of my blog and check out the updated list of blogs I follow.

I want to draw special attention to Chasing Zebra's featured in the Precious Prayers blog roll. I happen to have a few friends who are related to this little girl. Until now I've only received sporadic prayer updates, but now that they have a blog (and I've seen pictures of this sweet baby princess) my prayer efforts have intensified.

Isn't this picture just absolutely adorable?And heart breaking?

It's strange how connected we are in this world? How strangers upon strangers can layer up on top of one another and come together in a prayerful union to pray for or encourage one another.

I love that! How God can even use our technology to link believers together in prayer, unite with others who have similar experiences, and a way to instantly share their miracles with literally thousands of readers (perhaps a few who need reminders of the Lord's unfailing love?)

Oh, I do love this new world I've entered. I'm not sure what took me so long to hop on the band wagon, with my natural love for writing and reading, I truly am shocked I didn't see the value in blogging years ago.

One last item of Blog Fun, I found this great new site today which is basically a blog catalogue FOR CHRISITANS {{{Can I get a Whoop Whoop?}}} They carefully review each blogger who requests to be listed to be sure that they represent Christian values, have well put together, frequently updated, and well written blogs. Head on over to Faith Blogs and Enjoy!

EDITED: I would also like to add a GIANT THANK YOU to my amazing, talented, generous, graphic designer husband for taking the time to figure out how to fancify my signature! Love it! Love you!

"Love, love, love, love, love!"

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 ⁸ Love never fails. 

1 Cor 13:4-8

This week has begun a whole new season of "Love, love, love, love!" It all started when one of my social networking friends (shout out to my Nov 09 Babyfit girls) asked if anyone was interested in doing the Love Dare with her and a friend. I love the movie Fireproof  and know the Love Dare to be an amazing walk and challenge of love towards your spouse, so I was all about it. Especially as I've tried it once or twice before and not made it past day 8. We collectively rounded up about 20 women interested in walking through the 40 day challenge together. I am so excited to have them for support, prayers, and laughter as we each strive to be better wives to our husbands.

Safe and Sound

If you read Saturday's post you learned of my passion for praying for unborn babies (I think I called it an obsession, which is probably much more accurate). Today I learned that one of my (fairly frequent) acquaintances had an alarming or inconclusive and abnormal ultrasound yesterday. I only know a little and none of it makes sense to me. In a nutshell I was told they found two placentas and that the umbilical cord goes into a membrane before connecting to the baby (?). As if that isn't enough, they also found evidence that leads them to believe this baby might have downs-syndrome.

Peculiar Prayer Phenomenon

(I know yesterday was Fiction Friday, and that I skipped last week too. Sorry guys! I had a meeting last night and just didn't get to it. I'm going to try and work on it some more this weekend. So STAY TUNED>>>>And harass me if necessary ;) )

Have you ever been in the middle of a conversation with a friend, in the middle of a crowd of people, or walking through a grocery store and all of a sudden caught yourself in the midst of a prayer? A random and often times peculiar prayer for someone. If your a praying woman (or man) then I imagine you have.

Now, I'm not talking about all of a sudden feeling the desire to praise the Lord for that person and their impact in your life, or a general prayer for their safety and health. I'm talking about those prayers that are more specific and specifically catch you off guard.

Prayers and Praises

Today I keep thinking about things to pray for and then scolding myself. How blessed I am, at this time in my life, to have concerns which are so minuscule others probably couldn't even comprehend them. It is forcing me to dig deeper, to stir up that pot of water and turn up the heat.

My petty prayers: That the right house will come on the market, for my boys to be healthy enough for daycare all week, for Brian's test results, for us to see continued savings success and reach our goals, for my meeting on Friday to go smoothly, for answers an guidance on the direction of our family.

Digging Deep:

House Fever

I love reading Proverbs because you can almost always find a verse that is relevant to your circumstances, hearts desires, trials, or weariness. Here is a verse that has been speaking to me this week.

Proverbs 24:3-4
By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; through knowledge it's rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures. 

We are at the height of a "House Fever" like almost none we have ever had. Both of us are feeling heat and desire to be in our own home. I'm loving the idea of having a place to decorate and make our own, while my husband is feeling like school is quickly approaching for one Owen Paul and that we need to figure out where we want him in school and find a home in that district. These verses remind us to seek wisdom, understanding, and knowledge, not just in this our current dream, but in all desires and the Lord will provide. It says "a house is built" and "filled with rare and beautiful treasures".

My Irish Blessing

I want to start out by giving a bit of a caveat before I continue. Those who know me well have heard this testimony, perhaps many times, but it is one I never tire of. One I will never forget as long as I live. This testimony moves me to tears, laughter and joy. It stirs faith, hope and love inside of me like none other. If you know the story, I pray you will read it anyway and share in our joy and glean whatever new insights the Lord might have for you today.

This is the story of my beautiful boy. Born in the wee hours of March 17th 2007.

Miscellany Monday

1. "Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed" Proverbs 16:3
What a beautiful reminder that we should all bury in our hearts and carry with us wherever we should go. I read this verse last night (I was enjoying Proverbs so much I accidentally jumped ahead 3 chapters :)


2. Has anyone else ever wondered if the Man in the Yellow Hat has a thing for Professor Wiseman?

Joy {faces}

This was the first picture that came to mind when I thought of Joyful Faces. It is of my sister and her now husband taken, nearly a year ago, moments after they got engaged. Her smile and giddiness was electric.