The Adaptability of Eye Shadow and Devotions

The last three weeks have been a fresh start, here on my blog, at home with the kids, with my husband, and with my Lord. Not that any of those relationships started over, just that they each started again, started fresh with new and exciting energy and enthusiasm. As I mentioned last week, we committed to a few small changes to help us better stick with them and follow them through, and as a result, our home has transformed. It's only been three weeks, but it has been a fabulous three weeks and I think we can all attest that when we see success it is easier to push forward.

I feel revived, if you haven't noticed, our house isn't actually clean but it's like the air around us is, and I keep taking it in, deep breaths of God's goodness and guidance. I can feel the Lord working in me and the Spirit urging and guiding me as I dig through and chew on God's word like I've never felt Him before. Yes, we have made great strides this month, but that doesn't mean we have arrived, or that we've even begun to scratch the surface.

There is still so much soul digging, growing, and strengthening that needs to be done. It's a life journey. Now that we are on the right track,our hearts are opened to and ready for the depth and digging needed to bring convictions that lead to the changes and works the the Lord wants to do in our lives. This process is challenging and it's going to require dedication, openness, honesty, and repentance. The transformation I'm talking about needs to take place deep within, you've heard the phrase "not a diet but a life style change", well that's what I'm talking about, not something short lived that has little impact but long term, life changing impact.

Last week, I stumbled upon a Christian community called She Reads Truth. This site hosts a daily devotional and Bible reading plan. When I found it, they were at the end (though I didn't realize it) of a plan called "Fresh Start." Huh, interesting concept right?

Well, that 19 day plan ended over the weekend and now they/we are digging into a new reading plan called Soul Detox.  Here is one small section of a captivating description which I felt really spoke to everything I've been feeling and sharing here.

If you’re tired of the stain of sinful habits discoloring your life, if you long to breathe the fresh, clean, life-giving air of God’s holiness, if you would love to detoxify your soul from guilt, fear, regret, and all the impurities that pollute your relationship with God, then this reading plan is for you.

Truth be told, I know there are a ton of good daily devotionals designed for Christian women that build community and accountability, but I'm new to the game. Why? Because it hasn't felt like a good fit. It hasn't been a comfortable or easy transition. This morning, I was applying my eye shadow, which until recently I'd been using exactly the same colors and doing in exactly the same way for probably about three years. But my sister bought me some good stuff for Christmas, in colors that I've never owned before. This has caused me to do some experimenting, playing with different options to get a look I'm comfortable with, while also trying some fun dramatic looks I'm less comfortable with but that made my husband say "oooh la la."

While experimenting, I discovered a technique that I've heard of but not tried, and frankly thought I wouldn't like. The technique is using the dark eye shadow color on my lash line instead of using eye liner. In my 18 years of doing make up, I've never done this. I've always opted for the eye liner because it was comfortable, though it's not always been a happy or perfect relationship. Finding the perfect eye liner is a chore and a pain. What I discovered, is that being afraid to try something different with my eye shadow, just because it wasn't comfortable or would take time to adjust to, has caused me to miss out on a subtle but substantial change in the way my eye make up looks and lasts throughout the day.

There are as many ways to wear your eye shadow as there are people who wear it, and as many techniques for applying it as there are companies who make it. There is a little something for everyone, and what works for you this week, month or year, might not, be the only way or your favorite way once you have discovered something new. I think the same can be said for our devotion/Bible reading time. There are so many plans, ideas, and recommendations out there, not one of them is wrong, but that doesn't mean they are all right for you, or right for you right now. As time goes on, you might find something you thought worked perfectly isn't working as well, and decide to tweak it. That's okay, like eye shadow, you might find something better for you in this moment that you never would have expected to work.

My point is that, eye shadow application, Bible/devotion reading, even life, are all adaptable, and by being afraid to try something new, or change can cause us to miss out on those "oooh la la" moments with our husbands, deep spiritual insight with other women, or even moments of joy with our kids.  I'm excited to be branching out and trying something new again today with the She Reads Truth study and community and know that the Lord will use this time to stir great and amazing insights and truths within me.I have already been challenged by today's reading alone. I'm looking forward to meeting new women through their community and perhaps growing blog relationships that way as well, but most importantly, they say this reading plan is life changing, and that my friends is what I'm most excited about.

So, let me ask you... Are you in between devotions, or wishing you had a specific guided plan to help you examine an area of your life? Do you want women to help hold you accountable to finding a handful of minutes a day and setting them aside for Jesus? I would love it if you'd come join in the fun. It's really really awesome. I'm serious. Go there. now. MWA!

Until Wednesday my friends,
Teresa

Small Changes, Big Impact, Becoming Rooted

Good morning friends,
The last Sunday of 2012 our Pastor gave an amazing sermon on the importance of taking inventory. He talked about how the end of the year sales provided stores with an opportunity to take inventory of their stock and reassess their business goals and merchandise for the coming year, and said that as Christians we should assess our year, ask our selves if we met certain criteria and regroup, refocus for the coming year. He used Colossians chapter 3 as a tool for taking said inventory and then pounded us with some difficult questions.

Was your heart set on things above or earthly treasures?
Are you reading your Bible and praying daily?
Did you see spiritual growth this year?
Did you lead anybody to Christ?
Did you even share your faith or witness to anyone?
Can your children see your faith alive in your life?
Did they see you reading, praying, leaning on the Lord this last year?
Are you clothed with kindness, compassion, gentleness and patience?
Does the peace of Christ rule in your heart?
And finally, can you honestly say that whatever you do, whether in word or deed, you do it all in the name of the Lord with a heart and attitude of praise?

Some of these questions hit my husband and I at the core. We started out 2012 with a lot of goals/resolutions, big grand ideas of things we would do to draw our family closer to the Lord etc etc etc, but as each day came to a close, like waves of the tide beating a sandy shore, our resolve faded and time slipped away from us like sand into the ocean. Overall, the year was a wash.

In 2011 Owen knew memory verse after memory verse, in 2012  not only did we fail in teaching him any more, we failed in helping him recall the ones he already knew (let alone starting to work with Micah). I had intended to blog regularly, but had excuse after excuse not to. I'd vowed not to watch tv on weeknights in order to bring glory to God and focus more on my writing and within 10 days I failed. Were we effective in sharing our faith or bringing others to the Lord? There are people we've been praying for, but is that all we are called to do? Can we honestly say there weren't any missed opportunities? I think not.

There were moments and seasons in 2012 where we both saw growth, or were walking effectively, but overall 2012 was not our best year. And yet, despite our lazy sluggard ways, despite our failures or indifference, the Lord chose to keep us in a season of blessings. Showering gift after gift down on us. What a loving God we serve.

I know you might be reading this, thinking it sounds like a new years post, and wondering why I'm only now, two weeks too late, writing a new years post. This is why, because I wanted to make sure that the changes we were making would stick, that our year would in fact be more purposeful, and committed to Christ, and that when I shared these things with you, I wouldn't be premature in saying them.

"But above all, my brothers, do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or any other oath, but let your "yes" be yes and your "no" be no, so that you may not fall under condemnation." James 5:12

I believe, that I failed that verse last year with my new years post and promises I made to the Lord and myself. This year, Brian and I have decided we needed to make small changes with the big impact and we have already seen much growth, and peace through these changes. The boys are on their third memory verse (which means mom and dad are also on their third memory verse), even Micah is grasping them, if not memorizing them word for word he is paraphrasing appropriately for his age.

 Will each of the routines we have started stay exactly the same throughout all of 2013? I cannot and will not say, but it is my hope that they will, or at they will at least adapt accordingly as the needs of our family change.  Our focus, is on the idea of being rooted in Christ, on verses we found in Colossians on New Years Day when we went back to read the whole book together and make a commitment together to be better this year, for each other, for our children, but most importantly for our Lord.

"So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness" Collossians 2:6-7

Image Source

That's it, our goal for 2013, to make small changes which will help us to dig deeper, being rooted and built up, strengthened in our faith and overflowing with thankfulness. It comes with a purpose to read and pray together regularly, help our kids with memorization and application of the Bible, and utilize the talents he has given to us in every capacity we can.

Which brings us to this place. My blog. My home as a writer. I'm excited to be back at blogging, to start building these amazing virtual relationships again and to really commit to exploring my writing. For the first time, I've solidified a writing schedule which I intend to stick to, emphasizing the three areas in my life that I consider (or want to be) my driving forces. My faith, my family, and writing.

Monday you can come here expecting to find a post On Faith, it might be spiritual reflections, life assessments, like I wrote about today, Bible verses that are impacting me, or a devotional.

Wednesday will be On Life, simple but enjoyable life updates, it may be a piece of parenting or marriage advice that has inspired me, or an update on my progressing belly growth and baby.

Friday I will focus On Writing, it will be about anything writing related, the act of writing or reading written works. This will be a space to explore myself as a writer/creator but also a reader/reviewer.

My amazing husband helped me create a blog header which brings me a great amount of joy and helps me to feel more professional, at peace, and like I've finally found an identity, in this space, as a writer. I'm excited to embrace these emotions and move forward with vigor.

Until Wednesday,
Teresa

Motivators

Yesterday I had the privileged of listening to my husband teach the adult Sunday School class. I've heard him teach plenty of times before, youth group Sunday School, VBS, and the occasional message at special events, but I've never heard him teach like this. The Lord made his words and point clear, his message was dead on and hit me square in the heart.

Acceptance and Affirmation.

There was so much depth to his lesson that I wont be able to get into here, going through and explaining point by point about how Jesus came and fulfilled scripture and subsequently became everything that we need, replacing and ideally ridding us of that need to seek acceptance and affirmation from other sources. Examining my heart I couldn't help but realize how easy it is to slip away from the Lord, though always covered by His grace and he never moves from me, it is so easy to pull away from Him, allowing my heart to fill up with emptiness and longing.

Longing for acceptance from those who don't identify with my strong Christian lifestyle, seeking compliments from family members indicating that I hold value to our unit, gravitating towards friendships that nurture and breed self confidence. Longing for affirmation from others about the way we raise our kids, about how beautiful our home is, about which talents are gifts and which blessings are treasures. As church began my heart was aching as I realized how easily, quickly and often I put my hope and trust in other people instead of in  my Lord and in what He has done for me and what He speaks to me through His word and prayer time.

All of this is going through my mind as we begin our first worship song. Glory to God, glory to God, glory to God forever.

Both of my boys have now loved this worship song, also one of my favorites. It reminds me that everything we do, the reason we are made, all that we have been given, has been done to bring Glory to God.

But, have I been living my life to bring Glory to God? Is that what motivates me when I'm working my butt off to clean my house to have the women from church over, or am I motivated by fear of what people would say if they saw how big of slobs we can be? Have I been slaving for hours over the boys Halloween costumes to bring Glory to God? When I'm tired and cranky at the end of the night, do I snuggle with Micah because I'm grateful to God or to spare myself the pain of having to put him back in bed 15 times in 8 minutes? Is my exhaustion overwhelming my ability to sing praises or are my praises underwhelming? Are the statuses I put on facebook genuine or manipulated to trigger "likes" from 26 people in a matter of seconds? Am I motivated by pleasing the Lord or pleasing myself? Pleasing others?

I love how the Lord works. How He and He alone can ever so smoothly tie a poignant Sunday School message together with a worship service. When I told Brian last night about how I felt our Pastor's message and his had worked together he looked at me funny and asked "how so?" Pastor had talked about our gifts, and the importance of using those gifts, in our church and in our community. If we aren't using our gifts we are squandering what we have been given. Not exactly a perfect line up to the source of our acceptance and affirmation  except that the song had put me in a mindset where I was thinking about how I live my life, what my motivations are, who I'm trying to please.

I spend a lot of time being and doing. I float through life one obligation, meeting, to do list, at a time. I often go days without stopping to ask what God wants me to do in a situation, how I could be more effective in my ministry, how I could use my specific gifts and talents to bring Glory to God. Obviously the Lord has been stirring in my heart on these issues for a while but yesterday was the tip of the iceberg, the giant glaring sign that I need to again refocus my heart and seek the Lord in ALL that I do, and do it ALL for His Glory.

I went forward at church and cried out to the Lord, asking Him to show me how I can use the gift I know that He has given me for the church and more effectively in this space here, my community. I have been affirmed over and over by many women whom I trust and know that the Lord is using to encourage me, but I quickly get discouraged and doubt my gifts and talents. I offered all of that up to Him yesterday and vowed to trust Him and to plow forward, to forge a way for myself in this space and await His leading and directing with what I can do with this specific gift for my church. I prayed for wisdom but also that my motivation and passion would be ignited and not get quickly stamped out by laziness and doubt. This morning in my devotional time, the Lord let me to James 1:5-7 and felt like they are exactly what I need to add fuel to the fire, though they aren't fluffy feel good verses, these verses spoke volumes to my heart today with where I have been and where I don't ever want to be again.

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord. 

Writing it all down here, felt like a good place to start. 

Life Goes On

Sitting here, drinking a cup of hot spiced apple cider and pondering the intricacies of life.
I haven't been around much because I haven't had much to say.
Or I have, but I didn't know how to say it.
Or I have, but didn't know if it should be said.
Or I have, but worried about who might read it.

And while I've been absent, life has gone on.
I find myself pondering my place in this world, both the physical world, and the cyber world.
Do my thoughts, my words, my actions hold significance?
Is significance to me, enough, or do others need to find me significant for my significance to have value?

I often don't see the fruits of my efforts.
I don't know if I've been a blessing or a burden.
I can't know if something I've said will be used later to impact a life for change.
Both in the physical world, and the cyber world.

I woke up this morning, tired, but warm beneath my comforter.
Blessed to read a passage in my Bible.
Next to a man who loves me, and loves the Lord, and was doing the same.
With children asleep in the next room.
Bears and Doggies tucked in the crooks of their arms.
Healthy. Warm. Oblivious. Happy.

My praises to the Lord, easy.
Blessed. Contented. Peaceful.
Healthy. Warm. Clothed. Fed. Full.

A family to love.
Boo boos to kiss.
Mouths to feed.
Clothes to wear.
Dishes to wash.
A schedule to keep.

My concerns, merely keeping up with the stresses of life.
Beating the bus.
Washing those dishes.
Laundering those clothes.
Feeding those mouths.
Worrying about those tiny cuts and scrapes.
Finding more time to sit and be still with my Lord.

Longing for the Lord to stir within my soul,
To hear of His voice,
To feel of His touch,
The embrace of His love.

I put my hot cider cup to my temple and the curve of my cheek bone,
and absorb it's heat. My eyes close and my eyelashes brush the smooth ceramic.
The prayer list rushes to the surface.

A mother having high risk heart surgery today.
A father recovering from elective brain surgery last week.
An infant in heaven. Her mother who aches.
Fertility questions and concerns for a number of my sisters.
Job loss. Possibility of job loss. Continued job search over many years.
A wife hundreds of miles from her husband.
Micah's friend who's parents just found out she has a serious neurological disorder.

My warmth, peace, contentment, and comfort squirm and ache within my being.
I fight survivors guilt, pray, then beat the guilt into a spirit of praise.
And then I don't.

Moments have ticked on,
Thoughts have moved on,
My world keeps spinning.
My contentment returns,
My ignorance and naivety win out
And the small meaningless stresses of life
Begin to take over again.

It's an interesting world the Lord created.
Good mixed in with evil.
Blessings a midst pain.
Prayer requests that break our heart
And moments that make it sing.

How we can choose to learn lessons from the experiences of others,
Or separate ourselves from their pain and circumstances.
How stories are only significant to us,
If they stir something up within us.
Emotionally or physically tying us to the prayer or need
Causes us to pray more sincerely and passionately.

Is it enough, that their tragedy or situation has caused me to reflect on life?
Is it even significant that I cherish my children more because of a friends loss?

My sister thinks I'm more sensitive than normal and spewing all of these thoughts and questions out as a result. Maybe. Because of this I debated burying this in the draft screen that has become a graveyard of posts I wasn't confident enough to post. But then she said that she also thinks perhaps we all need to be more sensitive than normal to the pains and concerns of those around us. I think there is truth to that and I also think maybe it doesn't matter at all, because writing this has broken a barrier of sorts, a ten foot pole that was standing between me and my Lord, my ability to see Him in the details. So often I learn and grow just from writing and I love how one or two sentences can turn into a long, raw, and spiritual journey type of post.

Until next time my friends,

overflow

Yesterday. Ah, yesterday. 

When I went to bed last night I felt full.

Not full from food, or from cravings fulfilled,

not even just full of love for my family, 

as I often feel as my head hits the pillow. 

This was greater. 

Deeper. 

Wider. 

Purer. 

Trying to define it is impossible, 

but my mouth keeps forming the word 

obedience. 

I think the feeling of fullness from last night, 

and the overflow I'm feeling today, 

is the aftermath, of obedience.  

A combination in equal parts of 

humility, contentment, and pride. 

Perhaps. 

You see, what I experienced yesterday wasn't just 

a one sided display of the Lord's goodness, 

but every member of my family displayed 

obedience and personal growth yesterday. 

Overflow. 

Tears spill over as the feeling washes in again. 

Full. Abundant. Tranquil. 

Like the mist off of a waterfall. 

I dropped off my sweet Micah at daycare as I do everyday, and picked him up in big boy underwear.
Perhaps this doesn't strike you as a display of obedience, or personal growth, but you didn't get to see the look in his eye as he declared to everyone he was in underwear, that yes, he was a big boy "are you a big boy?"
"Uh huh" he said with a nod and ear to ear grin.

Three months ago he was nearly trained but then he (and let's be honest, we) backslid. As recently as Saturday I couldn't get him interested in trying, couldn't get him to go in the toilet, underwear meant accidents and trips to the bathroom ended in protests and tears.

Is the work complete? Probably not. But in three days my daycare provider managed to get Micah excited about potty training, and declared in confidence last night that he would be fine in underwear. Was I nervous about sending him to VBS in underwear, you better bet I was! However, there was also a joy and peace about giving him the opportunity to impress me. Showing confidence in him helps him have confidence in himself.

Oh confidence, a running theme of yesterday's joy. 

Owen won a prize at VBS for getting up on stage and answering a question from our Pastor. This in and of itself makes me proud, but as Owen tells it "are you extra proud of me because I had stage fright but went anyway?" Now, I've never known Owen to have stage fright a day in his life, but if he says he did, and I know I do, well then, yeah I'm double and triple proud of him. It opened the door for me to talk to him about bravery and boldness for Christ and desiring to do things for God that might be scary but worth it in the end. 

Brian, my precious husband has been stepping out of his comfort zone to teach/lead the Youth Group at VBS every day this week. It makes me so proud to sit and listen to him each night, sharing his knowledge and love for our Lord. I enjoy watching him grow in his understanding, grow as a teacher, and even as a person. Nothing makes me prouder to be his wife than his faith and obedience to the Lord.

That leaves me, myself, and I. Last night I shared my testimony with the youth. Not a recent or brief "what God has done", or a 90 second recap of how I came to Christ. I did, as I called, "my abbreviated life story" sharing in depth how God used earth shattering events in 7th, 8th and 9th grade to draw me to Him, show Himself as my Father, and deepen my prayers respectively. I rehashed how lonely I was in school, mentioning some examples of the hurt and seclusion I felt, of how I never felt like I fit in with the world around me, and how I believed the bullies and tormentors in my classes. I shared three scriptures I wished I'd known back then, 1 Cor 6:18 about the Lord as my father, Psalms 55:22 which I've seen alive in my life so many times, but most importantly Zephaniah 3:17. I had several girls come up and tell me "you were so good, you made me cry, I just want to hug you". My intent was not to cry in front of a room of teens, or cause them to cry, my goal, my hope and my prayer, is that they will take away from my story that their worth is not measured by the worlds standards, by what their friends or peers think of them. That they don't have to believe hurtful things that are spoken about them and should not let their self confidence be in those things. My prayer is that instead they will take the words of Zephaniah 3:17 to heart and realize that as children of God, the King of Kings, we are valuable, He loves us, and His opinion is the only one that should matter.

The Lord your God is with you, 

He is mighty to save. 

He will take great delight in you, 

He will quiet you with His love,

 He will rejoice over you with singing. 

Zephaniah 3:17

~ ~ ~

In addition to all of that, 

to the overflow of Christ's love 

through my family 

and each one of us growing yesterday, 

it was also the anniversary 

of one of the biggest miracles 

I've ever personally experienced. 

Throughout the day I often felt flashbacks so strong, moments of peace and comfort so deep, it was as if I was back in that oncologist's office hearing the words "Do you have kids? Go to a sperm bank." No statistics, the doctor not wanting to risk us not going, worried for us that we might not have children otherwise.

By the Lord's grace we found out we were already pregnant. Expecting Owen. In midst of finding out Brian had cancer, that one doctor believed kids might not be an option without medical intervention, that our lives were about to get tough with testing and treatments, we were given the greatest gift. A gift that kept on giving.  A bfp, something to look forward to, a distraction from the trial, a miracle, a round belly, the first ultra sound, kicking and wiggling in the womb, "It's a boy!", the pregnancy waddle, delivery, holding our sweet sweet baby boy.

But the grace didn't end there. The miracles didn't stop with Owen. The Lord has showed us time and time and time again with positive test after positive test (in addition to many other great and worthy gifts and examples) that He alone is in charge and He alone has the power to practice divine intervention.

Yes my friends. 

Yesterday was full, 

and today I still feel the effects and love,

the overflow. 

PS if anyone can tell me why blogger insists on highlighting certain portions of my text when I have not indicated to do so, or better yet, how to fix it, I would be extremely grateful. 

A Prayer Within a Prayer

That is how the commentary in my NIV described these next two verses, as a prayer within a prayer. A prayer to seek the Lords will, to stand upright, and give wholeheartedly. Followed ever so sweetly with a promise that should be an honor to keep. Daily. All tucked neatly inside the larger prayer of the Psalm as a whole. O how beautiful that is.

"Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever." ~~Psalm 86:11-12

Beautiful, timely prose, reminding me of my purpose. My purpose during the midst of a trial, but also my purpose now, during this calm season of blessings.

Recently I realized, with the help of a dear friend, that this season needs to not only be cherished but used as a time of growth. Not the intense dependent growth that occurs during a trial, but steady growth from personal discipline, daily worship and prayer. When our lives slow down, it can be too easy to become stagnant, drifting lazily from one day to the next. And I will walk in your truth. Enjoying the blessings we have been given, more than the One who has given them. Give me an undivided heart.

I know that the Lord has used me mightily through our trials, and I so love being used. The boldness, the constant spirit of praise, peace and power that surrounds us when we are running with the Lord through the tidal waves of a major trial is unreal. I long, at times, for that again, barreling forward in the waves faithfully telling anyone and everyone with ears how amazing our Lord is.

What my friend helped me to realize is that this season, calmness, is special too. A time for the Lord to nurture, grow, and refine us slowly, inwardly. For me, that growth is in the area of self discipline, reading, seeking and being undivided. Now that I've discovered His purpose in this time of stillness, my life, days, and moments again are filled with intention. With all my heart; I will glorify your name forever.

As every beach goer knows, there is a time for splashing in the waves, but there is also a time for taking your companion by the hand and walking the beach, finding sea shells, sharing stories, and learning everything there is to know about one another.

A season like that, is one I don't ever want to end. 

The Truth About Concealer

Source

Yesterday, I was at the store when I remembered that I needed some new makeup. A new lipstick, eye liner, and foundation/powder. First of all, what a can of worms that opened! Why can't buying makeup be quick, cheap and easy? I decided to switch back to brown eyeliner and ended up needing eye-shadow and mascara to match. Then spent 10 minutes trying to decide on a shade of lipstick that would be close to my usual so my husband would like it but different enough to make me feel striking and extravagant when I wore it. Finally, after buying all new detail makeup I was ready to grab my usual foundation and powder. Imagine my dismay when I discovered Kroger didn't have it, and didn't have great sales. After 10 more minutes, I finally  opted for a powder/foundation combo and decided to buy a (cheaper than foundation) stick of concealer for the harder to cover spots like under my eyes and around my chin. 

My poor boys thought I was down right insubordinate at this point. "Mom, cupcake, cupcake" Micah kept demanding, as the whole purpose of running to the store in the first place was to buy the boys consolation cupcakes for not being allowed to stay at the Men's Superbowl Party at church "Mom, why can't I stay at the men's party and have cake? I'm a men, and I like football!" Owen declared with a pout as we drove home from church. By the time we got home and I finally got the boys their cupcake Micah had been hysterical for 5 minutes. 

So this morning rolls around and I get to use my new makeup. What is it about new makeup that is so exciting, and refreshing (and addicting, did you notice I needed 4 items and left with 6, 3 of which I didn't intend on buying in the first place)? I usually drag my feet or skip makeup all together, but not today, I couldn't wait to get in the bathroom and beautify myself today! 

Source

My first step was to apply the concealer and I realized that this is probably only the second time in my whole makeup-applying lifetime that I've purchased/used concealer. I went to work, gingerly applying a dab of concealer here, and a dab there. I targeted my eyes and chin first but then when I rubbed it in I realized there were a few blemishes, and then scars from previous blemishes, and when those were concealed I found freckles on my nose I didn't like, and is that an age spot in the middle of my forehead?   


By the time I was done, I realized I would have been better off starting with a solid foundation from the beginning.  Not only did it use more product (often applying two or three coats) and take more time to fix everything, I realized that it kept revealing more faults in my complexion. Hiding or concealing one, made another jump out at me like a bulls eye or Target symbol on my face. 

This same concept applies to my Christian Walk.  Many times I'll find myself with a weak foundation, my prayer life might be rock solid but my devotion time will be suffering and my heart gripping onto pain, anger, or jealousy. Perhaps I'm reading my Bible daily, and my heart is loving graciously, but my prayer life is suffering greatly, unsure, unwilling for whatever reason to give it to God in prayer. When these times arise, and we all know that they do, I can almost see myself standing in front of a hypothetical mirror with a hypothetical stick of concealer. Overcompensating in one area or another, trying as hard as I can to hide each resulting issue from my husband, my kids, my friends, my readers, and if I'm painfully honest, my Lord. 

On the other hand, if my heart is clean, my prayer life and devotion time are all in line, in other words, my foundation is solid, then everything else sort of just falls into place. I'm more tolerant with my children, more productive, more approachable, my flaws are less apparent, my sinful tendencies easier to resist, and I'm fit and ready to be used by the Lord.

Source

How easy it is to chose the cheaper concealer route, to push off devotion time, or prayer, or even a confession until later, assuming it wont cause any harm, but how quickly they get forgotten. Later never comes, and one issue snowballs into another, leaving blemishes, targets, all over our best intentions. Concealing each resulting issue one at a time, painfully revealing more sin, and more heartache, more frustrations that need to be dealt with. How much smarter it is to start with a solid foundation from the beginning, to take the time necessary each day to invest in our spiritual life with prayer, devotions, and by protecting our hearts. 

Today, I chose foundation, and I pray the Lord will continue to use this example as a reminder to me when I'm tempted to cheat and push my time with Him aside for other things. I pray that using concealer everyday on my face (until it is gone, or I can justify spending even more money on makeup to replace it with foundation), will help me to form long term habits of maintaining a strong foundation on my Christian Walk. 

What have you been using? 

Psalm 32 and Praying Through Scripture

Lately I've been trying to pray through scripture to help strengthen my prayers, to give me variety in how and what I pray for, and to help me meditate on scripture long enough to remember or at least retain it. Doing this has helped to keep me focused during my prayer time, and increased the amount of time I spend praying.

As implied in yesterday's Turned Off for the Glory of the Lord Update, I've been struggling with distraction, sluggard-ness, and a lack of self motivation lately. So Psalm 32 really spoke to me. There were so many good things in there to pray, so many motivators, reminders, and for good measure a good swift kick in the rear near the end. I wanted to share the Psalm with you because it was so encouraging to me as I prayed through it today.

Psalm 32

1 Blessed is the one 

whose transgressions are forgiven, 

whose sins are covered. 

2 Blessed is the one 

whose sin the LORD does not count against them 

and in whose spirit is no deceit.

3 When I kept silent, 

my bones wasted away 

through my groaning all day long. 

4 For day and night 

your hand was heavy on me; 

my strength was sapped 

as in the heat of summer.[b]

5 Then I acknowledged my sin to you 

and did not cover up my iniquity. 

I said, “I will confess 

my transgressions to the LORD.” 

And you forgave 

the guilt of my sin.

6 Therefore let all the faithful pray to you 

while you may be found; 

surely the rising of the mighty waters 

will not reach them. 

7 You are my hiding place; 

you will protect me from trouble 

and surround me with songs of deliverance.

8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; 

I will counsel you with my loving eye on you. 

9 Do not be like the horse or the mule, 

which have no understanding 

but must be controlled by bit and bridle 

or they will not come to you. 

10 Many are the woes of the wicked, 

but the LORD’s unfailing love 

surrounds the one who trusts in him.

11 Rejoice in the LORD and be glad, you righteous; 

sing, all you who are upright in heart!

I found verses 3 and 4 to be especially true for me. The more lazy I've gotten the more exhausted I have become. There are so many verses in here that speak to all of the reasons I've been convicted to cut out Television during the weeks, and start weeding away other distractions and bad habits.  The horse and mule mentioned in verse 9 were a nice swift kick in the rear for me today. :-p Then there is verse 8 which is so encouraging and affirming.

_________________________________________________

If your interested in giving it a try, this is how it works for me. Basically, you read the first verse then pray, whatever the Lord is laying on your heart, as much as the Lord is laying on your heart through that verse, when you run out of things to pray or feel yourself getting distracted, go to the next verse. That's it.

The Psalms are unique in that they were inspired by God, to be offered back to God, and therefore they are a great place to start praying through the scriptures. The suggestion I'm using is to break the Psalms down into "Psalms of the day" to help you stay on a schedule. Now, if you take the total number of Psalms and divide by 30 you get 5 psalms per day, so take the day on the calendar (today is the 2nd) start there, then keep adding 30 till you get 5, example; 2, 32, 62, 92, 122 are the Psalms for today. The idea is to use as many as you have time to use, or just one. Don't worry about praying all five, instead skim through them looking for the one that best speaks to you, and then pray through it.


Does this Psalm speak to you?
I'm curious if you have ever prayed through scripture and what that looks like for you.

Thanks for stopping by, I'm looking forward to hearing about how the Lord is working in your life, so leave a comment below or join through Google Friend Connect and I'll come check out your blog!

The Key to New Years Resolutions and a BOLD Lifestyle Change

The day before New Years Eve, my husband and I sat down and wrote/talked out our priorities and goals for 2012. I used the guidelines that Crystal over at Money Saving Mom posted here. The process was very thorough and allowed for us to talk about all facets of our lives, which my husband of course loved.

Source: mth2011.tumblr.com via Teresa on Pinterest

I plan to publish these goals in their own page and then update you periodically on my/our progress, much like I attempted to do with my 101 Goals in 1001 Days list that disappeared into cyber space a few months in. {{sob}}

I think it's pretty clear that the attraction to starting new goals, resolutions, (lifestyle changes, setting new priorities, or whatever you want to call them) on January first is because the new year is a blank slate. It's refreshing to wake up and know that there are 365 days left, that it's the beginning. A breath of fresh air, a chance to start anew, forget the pain and failures of the year before and focus on what is to come. Your hopes, dreams, and motivations aren't yet polluted by frustrations, closed doors, broken hearts, or failures. 

Source: etsy.com via Teresa on Pinterest

The underlying motivation behind each of our goals this year is to be more intentional. Intentional about reading, praying, seeking the Lords council, and ditching lazy bad habits (ie fast food inhalation and couch potato-itis).

Reflecting on 2011 we both felt like there was a lack of growth on our parts, spiritually, emotionally, and physically (growth/loss same difference). I believe we both grew, but not as much as we would have hoped, as we think the Lord would have had us grow. There are still some parental achievements, financial goals, and personal accomplishments we'd like to conquer. During our brainstorming session we talked about where we would like to be, we prayed for strength, renewal and motivation. We prayed for what is to come, the future choices we make and our desires to be better.

However, in my bible reading this morning (yeah, one of my goals!) I found this verse:

Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord.  - Acts 3:19

Isn't that the perfect New Years verse? I realize it is referring to ultimate salvation, that first decision we have all made to put down our worldly desires and follow Christ, but doesn't this stand to be revisited on a daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly basis?

The world is all around us. Temptations are everywhere. Food we shouldn't eat in excess, couches we shouldn't wear holes in, things we shouldn't envy, social networks we shouldn't abuse, tv we shouldn't idolize, vices we shouldn't utilize, are practically unavoidable.

When I read this verse, I felt a jolt through my heart. An instant realization that while we spent a lot of time talking about what we want to achieve and why, we wont succeed, we wont feel the refreshing from the Lord, if we do not confess to the things that have kept us from accomplishing these goals this far. Repentance is the key to keeping our resolutions, the key to success. If we don't repent and turn away from the things that have unnecessary holds on us, it's only a matter of time before we fail. Miserably. Again.

I don't kneel in prayer often, I love that I can pray anywhere eyes open or shut, but this morning I did. I humbled myself before the Lord and bowed before my King in confession for being useless (essentially). During my confession, I felt a strong pull, a clear conviction, to cut out watching television on week nights.

Woah where did that come from? It certainly wasn't from me. This is something that I've thought about before, but not in a serious manner. Oh if only I didn't watch this junk or I can't believe I spent 8 hours watching tv this week and not doing x, y or z, but never really thinking I'd give it up.

Source: busybeingfabulous.typepad.com via Teresa on Pinterest

In November, I started actively striving to achieve a personal goal, a passion of mine, and realized the only way I can do this is to wake up before the world, at 5:30 AM to be precise. Then I have solitude, and my mind is pure, unaffected by the stresses of life or influences of the world. But to get up at 5:30, I need to be in bed no later than 10:00, but my favorite shows, the ones I like the most-most-most, end at 11:00. This made me think more seriously about cutting out TV during the week, but it's easier to watch TV than get up at 5:30 so I tried doing both and only made it about 3 weeks before hitting a wall.

But here we are, in the beginning of January, in the wee hours of 2012, staring at that refreshing blank slate that gives artists something to draw on and dreamers time to dream. I'm recommitting to focus on my goal, not for me, but for the Lord, because I believe He wants to see me bring it to completion, that He has been waiting on me for some time now. I don't want to keep Him waiting.

I'm sharing this with you, not to say "look at what I am doing" but to tell you openly and honestly where I struggle. Television in and of itself can be okay, but most of the shows on it are trash. Lets be honest, the main story lines that I spend my time watching (unwittingly investing in) involve meaningless relationships, murder, revenge, and the quest for great financial gain or fame. I wouldn't call myself a television junky or addict by any means but it's an easy form of entertainment, it's mindless and I've been turning to it increasingly more lately for relaxation.

Our pastors message on Sunday was timely and eye opening. He referenced 1 Corinthians 10:31 "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." Is it God honoring for me to waste so much time watching things that coherently challenge and go against each and every moral value that I hold dear and strive to live for? Not as regularly as I do, not when I know I should be going to bed early and rising before the sun to spend time with my Lord and working on a project He has given me the talents to complete.

I'm not sharing this for any recognition from others, or to convince or convict anyone else, but to share about how the Lord is working on me, and to admit that I'm going to finally make a change. I'm going to try and be faithful to Him in obedience. I will be cutting out all television beginning at 6:00 PM on Sunday's until 6:00 PM on Friday's. 

I've not yet worked through how long of a commitment this needs to be, definitely until my project is completed, most certainly not less than 3 months, but perhaps less than 6? I guess I will let the Lord work on me, steer me and lead me in where He wants to take me in this. In an effort to share full disclosure, we have a DVR and so I do plan to tape a few of my favorite shows to watch on Friday or Saturday evenings. However, it is my thought, and hope, that while I'll be taping them, over time, their pull on me will in fact decrease. As has my desire to watch NCIS this season (we tape that so Brian and I can watch Tim Allen's show together, but I haven't followed up and watched a single missed episode of NCIS, so there you have it).

Source: couragehopestrength.tumblr.com via Teresa on Pinterest

I owe much of this ambition to Heather from A Mom Without Facebook, while the goal in and of itself is different, the meaning, and intentions behind the goals are the same. I'm encouraged by her will power and strength to go a year without Facebook and all that she has learned about herself along the way. It is my prayer that I can be so strong, in my goal to be less of a time waster and more of a doer for Christ.

To help hold myself accountable I will be blogging on this semi regularly, to let you know how I am doing on my goal and share what I'm learning about myself along the way. I will also create a button for my home page to remind me of my commitment, please feel free to grab it and show me your support, or use it to help you make a commitment of your own.

If your visiting from Money Saving Mom I want to thank you for stopping by, I hope you'll leave a comment and join me on this journey by following my blog!

God Bless.

The Beauty of Babysitters

Last weekend we hired a babysitter, with two small children this has become an increasingly familiar task. Each time I pick one up, or pay her at the end of the night I think to myself, I used to do that.

Before I was a mother, I was a babysitter, before I was a babysitter I was babysat.

Let's face it, I'm getting old. It's harder to recall specific conversations or events that took place with my friends or my sisters, I'm even getting lax in mentally recording every word I've ever said to my husband (in case he forgets!). My memories of middle school are all but gone (perhaps intentionally blocked?), memories of high school are fading fast, and even college memories are becoming a bit hazy. So it's surprising to me that there are a handful of memories, moments, people, who are frozen in my mind, who have not drifted off or faded away.

I can still remember my first favorite babysitter, Blair. She had gorgeous long black hair, she was our next door neighbor, and only had brothers. Our families were friends so maybe that's why I remember her so well, but I can clearly recall just her me and Claire sitting in our basement family room at our first house. I can remember asking her about her boyfriends, playing barbies and coloring with her. I can even recall her jeans and a warm chunky off white sweater she wore once. At some point they moved away, and several years later she got married. At her wedding she showed true joy of seeing me again, she said there was no way I could be so old, I was still her little girl, she made me feel important, beautiful, special.

I remember her because she left an impact on me. So, if that is true, why can I remember the families I babysat for so well?

I babysat a lot in high school. Most of my friends had jobs by the time they were sophomores or at least the summer after, but I was kept afloat by babysitting until the middle of my senior year, and even a few summers in college. Even then I had a love for children, and a weak spot for little girls that led to my desire to have a daughter of my own one day (I'm sure God had a good chuckle when I made those plans). There were several families over the years, but two in particular, 7 kids in all, really stand out as being special.

The Warwicks and the Rices. Each for different reasons, each with different activities. I remember rocking the youngest two Rice children to sleep (at different times) and looking down at their sweet precious faces. I would hold them longer than necessary, let them sleep in my arms while I quietly watched reruns on Nick at Night. I remember making ghosts out of tissues to decorate the Warwick home for Halloween on my first time babysitting them. Laying on the floor reading them stories. I remember playing dinosaurs and sports with the oldest boys and watching princess movies with the girls.

I remember the smiles, hugs, and laughter when I would walk through the doors. I remember the "Teresa can we..." that rang through the homes as the parents said their goodbyes. I remember dolling out time outs, wiping away tears, picking up playrooms, changing dirty diapers, making meals, and feeling at peace. Even with four kids under the age of five. Even with two wild toddlers and an infant.

{{{Can I get some of that peace back? That wild confidence, joy and contentment? It would really help with raising my own two children!}}}

Part of the reason I can remember them so clearly is because babysitting gave me a sense of purpose. Making the kids happy, being their favorite was a high honor, I enjoyed coming up with things to do to excite them and impress their parents. The other part of why they are so dear to me, is because of their parents. These four adults, above the rest, took an interest in me. I remember talking about my life with them, them offering to pray for me and my mother. I can recall their warm voices as they called asking me if I was available, and their generosity around the holidays. I looked forward to being picked up and dropped off almost as much as I looked forward to seeing the kids.

These adults knew that I was still young, responsible and yet impressionable, and they poured into me respect and love. I remember being told I was the first person they called, or once at church when Mrs. Warwick and my mother had to go upfront the husband found me afterwards and said "I was so worried because I didn't know where the baby was, then I saw you holding him and I relaxed knowing he was in good hands."

So now, here I am an adult. The one hiring babysitters, the one responsible for two little ones of my own and finding them quality sitters. We've had many good sitters over the years, but right now we are blessed with two wonderful sitters (and one up and coming! If she lived closer she'd be hooked already), our go to girls, who the boys love so much. Who we adore.

Not the greatest pictures but here I am with both of our current go to girls
(right next to me) and one whose already gone on and is almost done with college!

Again, this picture is two years old, but these are my sweet girls, together. 

Two young Christian women, swimming their way through the awkward and confusing high school years. Every time I have them over, I make sure to spend a little more time with them than I think is necessary, lingering before or after their services are required. Asking questions about their lives, taking an interest in things they are interested in. Hugging them, and nurturing them the way I was hugged and nurtured. Encouraging them, the way I was encouraged.

I wasn't blessed with daughters of my own, but I've had the honor of having two much younger sisters, babysitting for many beautiful little darlings, and now all of my dearest friends have little girls, and we have babysitters. So many opportunities to pour into the lives of these young ones, pray for them, be the "aunt" my moms best friends, and the roll models/the encourage-ers Mrs. Warwick and Mrs. Rice were to me.

Top: My sisters. Bottom: My sons and  my nieces

That my friends, is beauty and privileged that I don't want to take for granted.

"Life isn't fair" My Response to The Heart of Christmas

I know it's late people, but I really love my dear bloggy friend Sarah over at Racing Towards Joy and want to participate in her Sunday link up, but that means I have to write something, and the rules clearly state no pictures allowed so I have to come up with my inspiration on my own. Oy vey. A challenge. If you are a regular lurker around these parts then you've probably noticed my well has been dry the last few weeks. 

This is because life is too good to be true. I wanted to write a post on Micah's birthday (just before Thanksgiving) but the day before was the birthday of a little girl Sofia, born one day before Micah John who died a year ago Wednesday. How could I write a post on my sons birthday that my friend Felicia might read, and not see as trite. How could I find words to express how wonderfully blessed I am, and not be completely insensitive to her pain. Even if she never read the words I wrote in this space. 

I wanted to write a post another day, the day I attended the funeral of a 43 year old son to one of the pastors of the Association I work for. The pastor and his wife are good acquaintances of mine, I see them at 3 or 4 functions a year, their smiles light up a room, his voice is booming and full of Christs comfort. It broke my heart the way they hugged me as I filtered through with the crowd supporters. She held onto my shoulder and squeezed tightly and sobbed for a moment longer than I would have expected. I cannot imagine the pain they have been feeling. My sadness for them has been all but forgotten, it's waned away as the day's have passed and our paths have not. But they don't have that luxury. They immediately, days after the funeral, had to turn around and face the holiday season. 

What do you write after hearing one of the most influential christian women roll models in your life confess she's afraid to pray? She's struggling to trust her prayers because her seven years worth of prayers for a miracle healing for her daughter had ended in her going home to be with the Lord. A woman whom I know through her testimonies and watching her strength and faith, her peace and survival through some of the greatest trials I can imagine. A woman who doesn't realize how significantly her families trial and walk through that trial has shaped and molded my faith because we've only talked a couple dozen times. 

That's just three examples, but there have been several others. Tragedy's that are two or three steps removed from me and my family, that make me feel a million times more blessed and yet deeply affected, saddened, burdened. There aren't enough hours in the day to pray for the people who need miracles, blessings, and strength or peace. And yet, most of my day floats by without intentional prayer. I walk through my day laughing or yelling at my kids, cooking or cleaning in my kitchen, working, living. 

I just watched The Heart of Christmas on GMC a movie that I highly recommend, if you like Christian tear jerkers, and it brought all of these second-hand tragedies and their impact on my life together in a dramatic volcanic emotional response. 

My mother always used to tell me "Life isn't fair." I hated it when she said that! Hated how it always came off like some sorry consolation for the fact that Claire got her ears pierced 3 years before me, for being unable to try out for volleyball due to a broken arm, for my best friend moving to South Carolina, for having to eat Monkey Bread on Christmas morning every. single. year. That phrase is still lame, it doesn't even begin to encompass what I'm feeling, and yet it does. But now, in this grown up world I realize I'm on the other end of that fair. 

I've written about this before, more or less, but it's really been a significant part of my year. Realizing how blessed I am, and wanting to do more for others, a part of growing up I suppose. Watching the Heart of Christmas has reaffirmed my desire to be more intentional about the moments in my life. Letting the little things roll of my shoulders and not affecting me, believing the best about my husband and children and enjoying them more. Praying more fervently for those friends I mentioned above and the many others I've been saddened for this month. 

I don't want to forget to trust the Lord, to lean on Him, even now when things are good. To be IN His presence because I can be, and because when the time comes for us to walk through another trial, I want to be ready. My faith strong, my life having been fully enjoyed, my relationship with the Lord not just familiar but in full stride. 

The Lettuce on the Floor

It all started with a piece of lettuce on the floor.

Last week I had a day. The kind of day that didn't go quite as expected. Life was harder than I had hoped for. It wasn't a horrible day. My children were safe, healthy, happy. My family, my home, my life was still full of blessings. But I was stuck in my head.

Have you had days like that? This was the type of day where one thing threw me all out of whack.

It's a problem that has been looming beneath the surface for years. Something I was told to take care of before I even knew for sure I was pregnant with Micah. That long.

But:
It was easy to ignore. Most of the time.
It would have been an expense it never felt like we could afford.
Everyone and everything always comes before me, especially before this tiny little thing.

Until all of a sudden, it really didn't feel so tiny anymore. The cost easily 5x's more than I would have predicted.

And now this little thing I ignored felt huge.
Made me feel embarrassed
Vulnerable
Defeated
Self conscious
Burdened
Overwhelmed
Emotional
Conceited

All of a sudden this issue was in my head. After years of ignoring it, the opposite was true. I was now plagued with obsession, worry and concern.

This thing was in my head. Stuck. Somewhere between "Woe me" and "stupid idiot."

The day was coming to a close, but my mind was still stuck in autopilot. I had to get my kids from daycare a lied behind my dried tears "What? No. I'm fine."  I said as I quickly whisked my kids out.

Dinner was served. Salads. Woe me. Rip lettuce, cut up lunch meat, sprinkle cheese, place plate on table. Stupid idiot. Get forks.

Have you been there? Or somewhere similar?

The kids were eating and I was milling around. Sick to my stomach with worry, frustration, anxiety over telling my husband, of how and when we would manage to get this taken care of, with mortification. Sick to my stomach I swept rice krispies, bread crumbs, old veggies and whatever else had managed to land on the floor in the last 24 hours.

When Micah saw my broom hit a piece of lettuce. His lettuce, from his salad, that had apparently fallen on the floor unnoticed. Until now. Until it was in danger of being swept up, and thrown away.

Micah began panicking.

Twisting and turning to try and get out of his seat. To get his lettuce. Crying "mine" and "more" intermittently. Stressing over what he thought should still be his.

I want you to picture this. He didn't just want the lettuce. He was anguished over it. One piece of lettuce. On the floor, about ready to be lost.

I reassured him repeatedly saying "Micah, it's fine. It's just one piece." But he couldn't hear me, he just wouldn't stop obsessing. "Micah!!!! Micah, stop. There is an entire plate of salad right here." I said pushing the plate closer to him. He wouldn't stop worrying about the lettuce I'd just put in the trash.

He wasn't even crying about the good stuff. The meat, the cheese, the dressing, that was all still on his plate. The only thing he was missing was one stinking piece of lettuce. Sure that has all the nutrients and it is in essence the "meat" of the meal, the healthy substance that sustains you. But it certainly isn't the best part. One piece surely wont be missed.

Finally, long after the lettuce had been thrown in the trash Micah picked up his fork again and ate another bite of dinner. Alligator tears still lurking in his eyes and working their way down his face.

Free to pick the broom back up I continued sweeping. All over one piece of lettuce. I marveled. You have an entire salad, and you were so concerned with one stinking piece of lettuce. 


Huh.  I cocked my head. Hadn't I just been doing the same thing? 

Panicking.

Twisting

Turning

Stressing.

Anguishing

Obsessing.

Worrying.

Yup. Basically the same thing. 


I'm not really sure what specifically the lettuce stands for in this metaphor. Life, health, money, blessings. Whether each piece of lettuce is it's own specific thing or a generalization of one of the above with cheese, dressing, and tomatoes each their own item on the list.

Perhaps the Lettuce is different for you than it is for me.

Realizing all of this, didn't solve my problem. I can't ignore the issue any longer and it wasn't magnificently lifted from my shoulders. However, it did give me a "checks and balances" reference. It's helping me to remember God's goodness and rich blessings (which I was doing anyway and may in fact be why this issue was brought to light now, the enemy's way of undoing what good I'm striving to do) even though I can still see the lettuce on the floor.

In the last week this memory has come to mind and helped me when I think I'm seeing more lettuce fall on the ground, but also helped me to see all that is on my plate. Reminding me that my salad is ever growing.

Micah's dinner was salad, cheese, meat and dressing, but my plate is so full and overflowing with salad, cheese, dressing and tomatoes, avocado, meat, bacon, cucumber, carrots, and on and on.

The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. The Lord is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made. ~~~Psalm 145: 8-9

I smile thinking about how the Lord handles me, so patiently, standing there, by my side, waiting for me to get it. Waiting for me to see something so simple. It's one piece of lettuce, one tiny little part of the overall salad, the salad that He has been preparing and giving to me all of my life. I dropped the lettuce on the ground, I screwed up, but God knew I would, He will comfort me through it, if and when I get out of my head.

If I pause long enough to hear: "the good stuff is still on your plate. It's just one piece of lettuce."

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? ~~ Matthew 6: 26-27

Do your children do that? Maybe it isn't over lettuce, but candy that's taken away, toys they don't have enough of, a stain or mark on their favorite ... or a boo boo on their leg.

Do you?

Christian Artists

Father, 

I've noticed throughout this month, as I've sought out to intentionally offer you praise each day for my blessings, a pattern of lifting up the things that you have given to me specifically. Almost everything I've thanked you for is something that you have given me ownership of, our home, children, husband, friends, etc. 


Today I wanted to find something different, something that I am blessed by, but do not own. Something that I appreciate, but take for granted. 

I found this difficult, but after much thought I settled on something I truly appreciate on a near daily basis, and probably haven't ever paused to truly thank you for. 

Christian Artists. 

Both Musicians and Authors.

 I know that they spend many years, and hours honing their crafts, praying to you about the best song, book, approach. Doing it because they love it, because they love you, and yet hoping that it will bless others. That someone somewhere will be touched. 

I am. 

Nearly everyday a song will lift my spirits or help me think more deeply on a conviction. Every few weeks a book or story will resonate in my heart and increase my faith. 

Thank you specifically for Karen Kingsbury, Mary Demuth, Chris Tomlin, and Steven Curtis Chapman. For the way you have used them, their talents, their careers, to better my walk with you, my praise and worship to you, and my understanding of you. 

The song that inspired this post: 

2 things. 1. I love this song, but hadn't seen the music video. Now I really love it. So funny. 2. I didn't even realize Stephen Curtis Chapman sang this!!!

The book I am excitedly looking forward to reading next (comes out Tuesday Yay!): 

Grateful for Discipline and Obedience

Father God, 

I haven't ever been a morning person. 

My dad teased that he was worried about me going off 

to college because he didn't know 

who would get me out of bed in the morning. 

I've had friends, one in particular, who talk about

 the beauty of the wee hours of the morning. 

Just before the sun comes up, 

with her cup of hot tea, and her bible. 

She will leave Facebook statuses that are poetic and inspiring

...and I admired her time with you from a distance, 

a safe distance of about 9:00. 

But these last few weeks Lord, 

as I've been striving to reach a personal goal, 

one I feel you have been waiting on me 

to accomplish for years,

 I've discovered this beauty that she speaks of. 

I still dread that moment in which my alarm goes off,

 but Lord I love having a few hours with only you, 

reading and then creating as you would lead me to. 

I love how my mind is open, crisp and un-infiltrated. 

Before social media, rambunctious children, 

misplaced things, spilled milk, and long drives, 

fight each other for room in my mind. 

I especially praise you today, for the verses I read 

just as I was feeling too tired to function, to create. 

"Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; 

I do not fight like a man beating the air. 

No, I beat my body and make it a slave 

so that after I have preached to others, 

I myself will not be disqualified for the prize." 

1 Corinthians 9:26-27

If I had gone back to bed, 

I would have felt defeated, 

instead the reward of listening to you was 

sweet, encouraging, and energizing. 

Thank you Lord, for not giving up on me, 

and not being content with letting me give up on myself. 
Amen


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a beautiful inspirational blog I just stumbled upon