Tuesday, October 11, 2011

A Romans 8:28 Day Continued

I left you when the afternoon was beginning to wind down, my day was coming to a close. I'd had one of my favorite lunches and was feeling great about life in general, feeling charged about getting back into scripture and calling myself out on being a slacker, on allowing my faith to be weakened by laziness and taking a stand against that weakness, which made me feel strong.

Then, the phone rang.

I know this all sounds very dramatic, and I'm afriad you might feel like it was anticlimatic as the story unfolds, but, this phone call, minor that it was, shook me --especially because my faith had been weakened by lack of obedience in reading my Bible-- it threatened my confidence. It made me bawl like a baby. For my baby.

I want to write a piece about being the mother of a child with Hyper-PHE (Non-PKU), my experience and my worries, but this isn't the place. What I will say is that when Micah John was a few days old we had the pleasure of seeing the Lord shock the doctors. They expected him to have severe or classic PKU and instead the results came back just outside of the normal range.

We left the clinic without a diagnosis and with a greater understanding of how BIG our Lord is. However, on the medical side of things, one low test was not/is not enough for a confirmed "mis-diagnosis," the doctors and lab technicians still needed to know whether Micah has the third kind of PKU, Non-PKU where the back up of PHE in the blood is more than normal but not significant enough to cause brain damage or other severe side effects.

So, testing continued. Every few months as an infant and then skip a few tests ;) we finally went in for his one year old clinical appointment (exactly 2 months shy to the day of his 2nd birthday). The doctors were perplexed as I told our story. This test was high, but my wallet touched it. Then next test was just above normal, and I nursed during it to reduce his stress. This test was SUPER high, but the nurse wasn't wearing gloves and touched his blood! The next test, his last test came back lower than my PHE levels were the one time I was tested. (The doctor in training loved me. I made him laugh and laugh. "Does his urine smell bad?" he asks, "I mean, it's urine!?" I said. How does one answer that questions seriously?) This appointment had taken place a week before. I knew the results would be coming, but for 2 years we hadn't had any solid reason to believe our child even had Hyper-PHE.

I truly believe Micah was born with Classic PKU, the doctors proved to us that their testing, skills, and insight are dead on. So I know, Micah had the worst case scenario, and the Lord healed him of that. And until this phone call came in, on my Romans 8:28 day, I still had the ability to believe in a complete healing. A total miracle. I wanted a total miracle, to call the original clinic and say "Hey guess what God did!?!" To use this story to continue telling others of the good that God has done in our life through this, and could do through theirs.

I was expecting another lower-than-normal PHE test, this test had not been compromised, not touched, not taken under higher than average stress, not mishandled. This test was accurate.

This test proves Micah has Hyper-PHE.

It still brings tears to my eyes. I know it could have been worse without the Lords grace and mercy. I know my prayers were answered, just not exactly how I'd hoped for them to be.

My baby is so healthy, doesn't need diet restrictions and doesn't need as many tests as before, or any number of other things that we have never even had to deal with. I am so so blessed.  But on this day, despite my blessings, I was feeling sad, a little scared again because of the dietitians confusing back and forth contradictory conversation with me, and plain old sorry for myself.

The friend I mentioned in yesterdays post talked to me privately for a minute and said "I'm sorry I guess it really is a Romans 8:28 day" I read her words, smiled a little and didn't let them sink in. My heart was sad.

I go and pick up my kiddos, hug my Micah John harder, complain to my friend who watched them, and then went home.

At home, waiting at my front door was a brand new sewing machine, from a friend whom I have prayed for, cried with, and grown to love, through cyber space. I have not met this sweet woman in person, but she felt strongly that I needed a sewing machine, and so she blessed me with one. On this very day when I was feeling lower than I should have, confused, sad and maybe a little forgotten the Lord gave me a sewing machine.

What does a sewing machine have to do with PKU? Nothing. Nothing at all. But as I sat in church the next Sunday evening listening to Pastor Tim preach on Romans 8:28 AGAIN he said that the good is not only the good we will see or experience out of a situation, but also that the Lord loves us and wants to see us happy. He wants to bless us with things that we will enjoy. Like sewing on a new sewing machine. Digging deeper still Pastor went on to say that the good isn't always for us either, but sometimes it's eternal good. Good for the Lord's kingdom. That sadness, pain, trials, and difficult situations can be used by the Lord worked out to bring eternal good that we wont see.

That is when I realized I needed to write about my Romans 8:28 day, because that verse has been made relevent in my life this month, that day, and maybe just maybe someone else is confused by prayers that were answered but not quite the way one expected.

This post holds extra meaning for me today, as I write it thinking about a member of our church who after 7 or 8 years of her family fighting for her, her whole church praying for her, has been taken home to be with the Lord. I wonder what the eternal good is. I am sad for the miracle I believed the Lord would do in her, the testimony I had been waiting to hear. I'm sad for her family who has been so strong, and allowed this to strengthen their faith in times of weakness, and special sadness as a mother, but also as a sister. I keep praying for her brother, our young friend, as he comes home from college under these sad circumstances.

Romans 8:28 a verse that speaks of a love and power that is greater than any I can understand this side of heaven. I am so grateful to be the daughter of a King whom I can trust, even when I'm confused and shaken, I know His purposes are greater than my own. I know that faith in Him is not wasted, and pray I will be that vessel for him to use my circumstances for eternal good.

1 comment:

Thank you for your comments and love!