On Life and Storing Up Memories

Source: bellebebes.co.uk via Kristin on Pinterest

I think about this all of the time. Though not usually so poetically, or in a way that brings tears to my eyes like the poster above. All too often, it comes out in a refrain that sounds a little too much like "this too shall pass, this too shall pass." But, oh how sad I really will be when it does. . .I know this because Owen has already grown so much, and though he's always been independent he's definitely turning into quite the little man, and I'm proud, but also sad, all at once.

A few good memories from this last week, or stage of life, or whatever comes to mind, that I'd love to be able to read and reflect on once this season has come to pass.

• On Sunday a soccer ball broke a candle holder I'd just purchased before Christmas. Lucky for them, I was Oil Pulling at the time and couldn't respond at all and it only cost $5 so it really wasn't the tragedy they thought. But, what I hold onto and remember with joy, is both boys coming out of their time out (that dad initiated) and taking ownership. "Mommy, I'm sorry" Owen said, "It was my fault, I'm the oldest and I should know better." All the while Micah's voice is chiming in "No, it's all my fault, I did it, I'm sorry." Moments like that make me think, wow, maybe we are doing something right. Then my next thought was it's a good thing I hadn't been able to react, maybe I should spit my oil out now, so I can tell them how proud I am of them.  

Hee hee hee. It's okay, I tell you these things, just so you can relate, or laugh. Whichever. Either way, I'm not perfect, I screw up, and once in a while I get it right, by accident, because my mouth is too full to speak without spewing all over my children. I told you it's okay, go ahead and laugh now :)

• The other night my husband was lounging on the couch in his most relaxed state, back arched, belly sticking out, enjoying a moment of comfort, when Micah crawls up onto his lap and says "Daddy, you have a baby in your belly too?" Dad being a good sport replies "Yeah, I have a big baby don't I?" Micah rubs his stomach and smiles, acting for a moment as though he really believes his dad is pregnant. So I chime in "Micah, why don't you talk to daddy's baby?" (This is one of those moments I wish we could buy recordings of  because his response was priceless, I'm just not sure words could capture it, but I'm going to try.) He turned and looked at me, his brows arched in confusion, and with the sweetest most shocked voice he says "Daddy doesn't really have a baby in his belly . . . That was a joke!" As though he's telling me something I didn't know, like I was crazy for suggesting it. The first phrase came out slowly, as though he was weighing his words carefully and the second part was full of his emotion and joy. We, of course, died of laughter, Brian laughed for a good 4 minutes and Micah just watched us laugh, laughing at first, but mostly just staring us down, trying to figure out what had been so funny.

• Micah and Owen playing power rangers in the living room. Micah takes down Owen. It's a beautiful moment, black ranger against red ranger, dinosaur ranger verses somebody else, pow, whack, wham, bodies on the floor, legs a kicking, arms a going. "I've got you"'s and "Your going down"s echoing off the walls, laughter weaving it's way through the tangled bodies. Ninety seconds of my children are getting along bliss, then the tears come. Someone got kneed, or scratched, or head butted. A kiss. A hug. All is forgotten and the rangers are in action again. 

• After about a month of blasting our kids into outer-space at bedtime, they decided this week, they don't want to ride the rocket ship to the moon anymore. Owen wanted to be a robot, and Micah a car, so now their bed is a transformer, because that way they can be both a car and a robot at the same time. So, last night instead of "13, 14, 15 BLASTOFF," my amazing husband stood at the door and proclaimed in his best robot voice "Robot one, robot two" all the way to "RooooooooooooooBOT FIFTEEEEEEN" before closing their door. And the boys stayed in bed. Which is one of the most beautiful moments of all, after 2 years of fighting Micah at bedtime that this new routine has made our evenings go so much more smoothly.  Not every night is so smooth, but every night is better than it was before. 

• We've been enjoying lazy Saturday mornings where we actually get to see the clock hit nine before we crawl out of bed, sometimes the kids are still asleep, and sometimes they are destroying the house, but we know that soon, when Sienna arrives these mornings wont be quite so relaxing, at least not at first. So, I think we enjoy them more, because we know that they are fleeting. 

So much beauty, and good surrounds us. Trying to remember to stop and enjoy the moments, to rest and relax while life and memories are made around me. It brings me back to Psalm 139. How the Lord has each of these moments, memories, days, all written down, how his thoughts for me are so innumerable I couldn't begin to imagine them. All the thought and emotion and love that went into the title of my blog. 

Nothing too profound today, and yet, beautiful anyway because it's real. It's life, and it's important to take stock and store up these moments before it's too late. 

The Facts of Life

I think the picture speaks for itself, but just in case you missed it, or the 30+ congratulations on Facebook, we are expecting baby number 3! Baby is due to join us mid May just before Michigan starts getting hot.

The boys chose their costumes this year without any help from mom, they just so happened to coordinate, and then this picture idea was formed, it was too cute not to do, and I never could have "planned" something so clever!

Now that the secret is out, I wanted to share some of the "statuses," funnies, and woes that have been itching to be shared in cyber space over the last 8-12 weeks. This post will be a bit random, but hopefully you will find it entertaining.

First of all, I would be remiss if I didn't start out with a giant HOLY MOLY the Lord's done it again! What a huge blessing it is to be pregnant again for our fourth time.  I know that each and every baby is a blessing and miracle from the Lord and I am just so grateful and excited to be here again, anticipating the swelling of my abdomen and those first tiny flutters of movement. Each of our boys were born with a huge testimony to the Lord's goodness and faithfulness (here and here), and even Toby(i) whom is awaiting us in Heaven was a sign from the Lord that we would have more kids even after Brian's cancer treatments (which one doctor had concerns about). So much joy and love. I'm so excited to see what this little bear's story will be. So blessed.

My husband, in his eagerness to show he was excited and praying for the baby, prayed for him/her at dinner just a few days after we had found out. When he finished his prayer he looked at the kids and said "Did you know that, that your mom is going to have a baby?" I wish I'd known so I could have recorded Owen's response. His eyes turned into quarters and he just lit up like the sun, "Mom your pregnant?" After much laughter and excitement I explained that we needed to be praying for the baby every day because sometimes babies go to heaven before we get to meet them and then we meet them when we get there, we also emphasized that this was a secret.

Boy, did he surprise me! I was so worried about the secret part but for about a month he kept his lips sealed tight. Once we were in the car and he said "Mom, you probably shouldn't talk about the baby with the windows down, someone might hear you."

Micah prays for the baby all of the time. "Thank you Jesus for the baby in moms belly." However, every prayer Micah John says starts that way. "Thank you Jesus ... for the cup, ... for Owen's school bus, ... that mommy is sick." Interpretations: "I need something to pray for so I will say cup, ... that mommy gets home before the school bus so that Owen doesn't get scared and mad if we aren't home yet, ...that mommy isn't sick anymore."

I love analyzing my babies while they are in the womb and then comparing those behaviors/assessments to their real personalities. Both Owen and Micah were dead on. Owen a go getter, a fighter, spunky and always let me know he was there. Micah a gentle lover, movements were much more subtle like a hand caressing my belly he was probably whispering "I love you too" or "I love you more, no I love you more, no I love you more" right back at me. This baby, too small at 12 weeks to let me know he or she is there by movement still stands apart as vastly different than my other two and really all three pregnancies. While I've had nausea and exhaustion before, I have NEVER EVER lost weight while I was pregnant. Granted I only lost 4 lbs but as I normally gain about 10 lbs in the first 12 weeks I feel like that was a pretty significant difference. I've been sick a couple of times, (but I've also had a stomach bug, an intestinal thing, and now this plague by cough) my biggest issue hasn't been loosing my food it's been not wanting food or changing my mind about food. For instance, baby says it wants salad with a certain dressing, and then baby hates said salad (at Elephant Bar, not a cheap salad baby!) baby does not want tacos, at all, ever, then mommy takes a bite and baby wants to eat every single ounce of that pound of meat, until wait, stop, that last bite was one bite too many. This has happened over and over again. Husband says he's not spending any more money on my cravings ;)

If I had to guess, I would say this baby has a woman's prerogative  but maybe that's just wishful thinking ;)

Things are getting better though, I'm wanting to eat more and being grossed out by fewer foods, so that's a bonus.

Owen told us the other day that he wants to name a baby girl "Captain Underpants" yes you read that right. Then he also supplied Susan from Monster's Vs. Aliens because he likes to mimic Bob when he say's "Suuuuuuuuuuuuuusaan, oo I scared myself." We actually like Susan, so it's kind of a contender right now, though Brian wont seriously discuss names until after the big gender reveal which isn't for a few more months. . . I like Susan, but not Suzanne, and I don't like and wont entertain Suzy as a nick name so we'd have to come up with an excellent alternative... We shall see, we still have all the time in the world.

One last note, again about Owen. His teacher told me yesterday that she was seriously impressed by Owen when they were doing their pumpkin lesson. Apparently when they learned that a pumpkin starts out as a seed before it grows big, he raised his hand and compared that to my belly because I'm growing a baby and it started out small kind of like the seed and it takes time for it to get bigger before the baby comes. She didn't tell him how close he was, replacing the word seed with egg, probably best not to go into the Facts of Life with a room full of Kindergartners!

Surprise, I lied. I have another one. :) This one is about Brian, I share this because it made me laugh and smile, and I'm sure many of you (those who know him personally) have the same question, and would hopefully enjoy his answer as much as I did.  Brian told our pastor, and good friend, that we were expecting number three (while things were still hush hush, in the middle of church, lol, boys.) What I've been told is that Tim said "is this a good thing, or a bad thing?" And Brian said "If you'd asked me a year ago, I would have said bad, but I'm actually really excited about it now." Tim's reply was "She wore you down eh?"

So there you have it friends, we are all so excited about this journey and cannot wait until spring when we can hold our sweet little teddy bear.

Preparing to be a MIL Series: Preparing My Heart

I've been thinking a lot about my boys, and their futures.

About what it will be like many moons from now when they bring home girlfriends, fiances, and then wives. What a blessing that will be.

I've mentioned before how much I long for a daughter, I love being able to bless young ladies and my friends daughters, babysitters and girls from our church youth group. I love my boys, I can't imagine life any differently, but I always thought I'd have girls. Perhaps I have one waiting for me in heaven, but until then, I want to be used now as a blessing for the girls in my life and those who will be married in before I know it.

Oh how sweet it will be to gain daughters through marriage.

As the mother of boys, and (hopefully) future mother-in-law to two daughters, I have some responsibilities. I have been blessed with two amazing mother-in-laws myself, and greatly desire to be a blessing and loved fully by my daughter-in-laws in turn. So, I wanted to share with you guy's a few of the things that I have been and can be doing, to ensure an amazing relationship. I will post four key areas over the next two weeks that I've been focusing on. I hope you will join along with me on the journey, that you will feel encouraged to share things you do/did to prepare for your own daughter/son in laws.

Preparing My Heart

I have been blessed with the most adorable smiles. 

Blue eyes that reflect their fathers. 

They once had teeny tiny hands. Teeny tiny toes. 

I've held their hands, wiped their tears, doctored their wounds. 

Laughter rings through the house, their sweet voices ask for hugs, kisses, wrestles, "sugars and snacks". 

At four and two I know the memories are just beginning, the many many heart strings I already have are in all reality a fraction of what will be there when these boys have become men. 

Oh how hard it will be to let go. 

To see someone else filling my role as nurturer and lover. 

And that is why the first thing I need to do as a mother, a future mother-in-law is prepare my heart. Even now, for taking a back seat to my new daughters, to let them fill those needs in my sons lives. 

Through prayer and submission I know that the Lord will give me the strength, the heart, and courage. Where I need encouragement my husband will be there, holding me. 

www.liagiannottiphotography.com

It is my prayer that I will be willing, gentle, welcoming, understanding, generous, giving, flexible, and that my heart will grow to make room for the new additions to our family, swelling with love and pride for each one individually. 

What are your prayers, your words of advice for preparing the heart for letting go?

On Wednesday I'll be putting up a few videos of the boys for the second post of this series. Videos of the most adorable thing ever. See you then!

The Beauty of Babysitters

Last weekend we hired a babysitter, with two small children this has become an increasingly familiar task. Each time I pick one up, or pay her at the end of the night I think to myself, I used to do that.

Before I was a mother, I was a babysitter, before I was a babysitter I was babysat.

Let's face it, I'm getting old. It's harder to recall specific conversations or events that took place with my friends or my sisters, I'm even getting lax in mentally recording every word I've ever said to my husband (in case he forgets!). My memories of middle school are all but gone (perhaps intentionally blocked?), memories of high school are fading fast, and even college memories are becoming a bit hazy. So it's surprising to me that there are a handful of memories, moments, people, who are frozen in my mind, who have not drifted off or faded away.

I can still remember my first favorite babysitter, Blair. She had gorgeous long black hair, she was our next door neighbor, and only had brothers. Our families were friends so maybe that's why I remember her so well, but I can clearly recall just her me and Claire sitting in our basement family room at our first house. I can remember asking her about her boyfriends, playing barbies and coloring with her. I can even recall her jeans and a warm chunky off white sweater she wore once. At some point they moved away, and several years later she got married. At her wedding she showed true joy of seeing me again, she said there was no way I could be so old, I was still her little girl, she made me feel important, beautiful, special.

I remember her because she left an impact on me. So, if that is true, why can I remember the families I babysat for so well?

I babysat a lot in high school. Most of my friends had jobs by the time they were sophomores or at least the summer after, but I was kept afloat by babysitting until the middle of my senior year, and even a few summers in college. Even then I had a love for children, and a weak spot for little girls that led to my desire to have a daughter of my own one day (I'm sure God had a good chuckle when I made those plans). There were several families over the years, but two in particular, 7 kids in all, really stand out as being special.

The Warwicks and the Rices. Each for different reasons, each with different activities. I remember rocking the youngest two Rice children to sleep (at different times) and looking down at their sweet precious faces. I would hold them longer than necessary, let them sleep in my arms while I quietly watched reruns on Nick at Night. I remember making ghosts out of tissues to decorate the Warwick home for Halloween on my first time babysitting them. Laying on the floor reading them stories. I remember playing dinosaurs and sports with the oldest boys and watching princess movies with the girls.

I remember the smiles, hugs, and laughter when I would walk through the doors. I remember the "Teresa can we..." that rang through the homes as the parents said their goodbyes. I remember dolling out time outs, wiping away tears, picking up playrooms, changing dirty diapers, making meals, and feeling at peace. Even with four kids under the age of five. Even with two wild toddlers and an infant.

{{{Can I get some of that peace back? That wild confidence, joy and contentment? It would really help with raising my own two children!}}}

Part of the reason I can remember them so clearly is because babysitting gave me a sense of purpose. Making the kids happy, being their favorite was a high honor, I enjoyed coming up with things to do to excite them and impress their parents. The other part of why they are so dear to me, is because of their parents. These four adults, above the rest, took an interest in me. I remember talking about my life with them, them offering to pray for me and my mother. I can recall their warm voices as they called asking me if I was available, and their generosity around the holidays. I looked forward to being picked up and dropped off almost as much as I looked forward to seeing the kids.

These adults knew that I was still young, responsible and yet impressionable, and they poured into me respect and love. I remember being told I was the first person they called, or once at church when Mrs. Warwick and my mother had to go upfront the husband found me afterwards and said "I was so worried because I didn't know where the baby was, then I saw you holding him and I relaxed knowing he was in good hands."

So now, here I am an adult. The one hiring babysitters, the one responsible for two little ones of my own and finding them quality sitters. We've had many good sitters over the years, but right now we are blessed with two wonderful sitters (and one up and coming! If she lived closer she'd be hooked already), our go to girls, who the boys love so much. Who we adore.

Not the greatest pictures but here I am with both of our current go to girls
(right next to me) and one whose already gone on and is almost done with college!

Again, this picture is two years old, but these are my sweet girls, together. 

Two young Christian women, swimming their way through the awkward and confusing high school years. Every time I have them over, I make sure to spend a little more time with them than I think is necessary, lingering before or after their services are required. Asking questions about their lives, taking an interest in things they are interested in. Hugging them, and nurturing them the way I was hugged and nurtured. Encouraging them, the way I was encouraged.

I wasn't blessed with daughters of my own, but I've had the honor of having two much younger sisters, babysitting for many beautiful little darlings, and now all of my dearest friends have little girls, and we have babysitters. So many opportunities to pour into the lives of these young ones, pray for them, be the "aunt" my moms best friends, and the roll models/the encourage-ers Mrs. Warwick and Mrs. Rice were to me.

Top: My sisters. Bottom: My sons and  my nieces

That my friends, is beauty and privileged that I don't want to take for granted.

Baby Brag Session

If I try really hard, I can vaguely remember a time in my early adulthood when hearing women brag and drone on about their children drove me absolutely insane. Vaguely. ;)

No, seriously. I remember wondering what was so special about a six month old splashing in the bathtub or a two year old singing a cute song.

{Note: The time this stands out the most, was during our engagement. So, naturally I was obsessed with nothing but wedding talk, and therefore probably drove all the mothers insane talking about nothing but my wedding plans}

But, now I have kids and I magically understand it. They are part of you, they become your entire world.

I do try, to be sensitive to those without children and make an effort to talk about other things, other aspects of life, other blessings. When my girlfriends that I get together with every month, we all make a conscious effort to talk about a spectrum of things, not just our adorable fledglings.

But I can see the attraction, I now understand that passion and desire to brag and brag and brag.

So, this is your warning, if hearing about my children isn't your cup of tea, or if your feeling all children-ed out tonight, well then, this post isn't for you. Thanks for stopping by, hope to see you again soon!

Owen really surprised me tonight. As we were driving home from daycare today he started talking to me really quietly. This is how our conversation went.

Owen: "Mom, I have something that I think I have to tell you."
Me: "Ok."
O: "One time, when I was using your computer, and sitting at the table."
Me: "I can't hear you bud, speak up"
O: "I was eating macaroni and cheese while using your computer. I'm not supposed to eat while on your computer but I was anyway."
Me: "When were you doing this?" I asked even though I thought I knew.
O: "When Linnea was watching me."
Me: "What do you think about the fact that you did that?"
O: "That I'm sorry."

I went on to tell him the reasoning behind the rule that he can't eat while on my computer. Have you ever tried to confess a mistake to someone? It's hard work. It's very hard to admit you did something wrong and know that it's possible you could get into trouble. But Owen did it, and I'm so proud of him. So glad that he's beginning to understand what it means to be responsible. Now if only that responsibility would transfer into better listening skills.

He has also been doing an amazing job, remembering the bible verses we have been trying to teach him, and in just a few weeks has memorized the first several books of the old testament.

He has been a good big brother lately too, aside from trying to hoard all of the toys, he makes sure that Micah doesn't eat anything with peanut butter or eggs (allergies) in it and alerts us immediately when "Danger Mom! Micah's ..." Love his protective instincts.

Micah's language is absolutely exploding. Usually when he's strapped into his big boy chair he just starts repeating "out" and "mom" but tonight he turned around after squirming for a few minutes and said "Mom let me out please."
That's like a legit sentence with parts of speech and everything.

I can't believe how much they are starting to look alike, and look up to their dad.

Ok, well it's bed time, so your spared anymore gushing.

Have a great night!

Brothers

Abba Father, 

Thank you so much for these rare moments of brotherly love. 

the times where I can see their hearts becoming friends. 

I praise you Lord for this blessing of having each other, that ones tears can be lifted by the others smile. That ones laughter is not alone but echo'd by his brother. 

I thank you for these moments that have been happening more often. For the quiet way they have started to play together, when the wrestling, fighting, and tattling has ceased. 

I praise you for the eyes they inherited from their daddy. 

When I look in their eyes I see the reflection of the man who reminded me to be calm, to be strong when I was delivering both of these healthy more than 8lb babies. I pray that one day, when they are both grown, they will say to their wives "look in my eyes, look in my eyes and breath" and when their wives do, they will see hearts that love You Father, and collect strength and peace that comes from You alone. 

My First Born

Father God, 

Thank you for my first baby, 

who is truly becoming a little man.

Thank you that he is maturing in some areas, 

that his strong will and independent natures are becoming 

easier to navigate, but on the same hand, thank you for those parts of his personality and all the ways he his little heart has blessed us. 

I praise you for the timing of his arrival in our little family 

and the beautiful reminder he is to me everyday, 

of your goodness, 

your faithfulness,

 and your miracles. 

Halloween Pinterest Style

Owen Paul is currently obsessed with the game Angry Birds.

Enter this years Halloween theme, costumes, treats, and a few stitches for good measure.

Every year I love to make the boys costumes by hand. Usually this involves a needle and thread and many many hours, last year I borrowed my sister in laws sewing machine for the occasion (and didn't get it back to her until about 6 or 8 months later, oh boy.)  We have had a dinosaur, Elmo, Buzz Lightyear, and Babar the Elephant King in the past.

This year I was infinitely blessed with a sewing machine of my very own, thanks to a dear friend with a giving heart. I had forgotten how much a sewing machine adds to a project, the time involved in sewing is exponentially decreased (can you use exponential next to decreased because I can't think of a better way to describe it?). Not only did I have the benefit of a beautiful machine, I've also been introduced to the amazing world of Pinterest which is awesome. I can't believe I held out for so long.

There were many generic looking Angry Birds costumes that looked like giant circle pillows where the childs head poked through a peek-a-boo like hole. I knew that isn't what I wanted to do. Then I found this pinned delight, which was a great starting point for my costumes.

Source: coolmomtech.com via Teresa on Pinterest

But I needed to figure out how to get the shape exactly what I wanted so I kept looking and that's when I found the perfect tutorial. This blogger did an amazing job showing the details of how she made the Bomb Bird costume pictured below.

Source: aspottedpony.com via Teresa on Pinterest

I was able to figure out the basic shape and size thanks to her pictures and step by step. I knew that I wanted the fronts of my costumes to be 3d instead of 2 dimensional so I tweaked that and opted not to use Velcro.  And this is what we got!

I realized after getting Micah's costume made that I made his neckline WAY too big. So I sewed his straps at the base and they ended up serving perfectly as ears.  I only wish his costume had come down a little lower on him, but he had trouble standing and walking in it for long periods of time as it was because it was so heavy.

Ultimately, I love the way they turned out, I love the smiles and the fun the kids had in them trunk or treating at a church on Friday night and I'm looking forward to watching them answer the door all dressed up tonight when we pass out candy in an attempt to get to know our new neighbors.

Now that the costumes were completed I needed treats. Traditionally, I've done treats in the theme of their costumes, though I don't remember what we did last year, in years past I've done Dinosaur Marshmallow Monsters on Sticks and Elmo Cupcakes.  I scoured Pinterest for magnificent ideas and found a few, but didn't want to do cupcakes again. Then I found this owl.

Source: cookiesandcups.com via Teresa on Pinterest

 An owl is close to an angry bird, right? The shape was right, tweak the  decorations a little and I knew I had my inspiration.

In order to get 15 treats out of each color I had to make my krispie circles a little too thin for a sucker stick to work, so while I had them I opted to skip that step. Here are the darling treats I whipped up last night all bagged up and ready to go.

 Brian made a comment about how I could have made regular rice krispie treats then followed it up with "But that would go against every mommy instinct in your body wouldn't it?" Why, yes it would. This above and beyond nature that kicks in every Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Birthday, Easter, St. Patty's day, Valentines day etc, drives him absolutely crazy, but at the end of the night he came up to me, kissed my cheek and said "Thanks for being super mom, it makes me proud of you."

And that, my friends, is one of the three reasons I do it. The other two are at Daycare enjoying a Halloween party knowing that mommy loves them.

I hope you have a safe and fun filled evening.

The Aftershock and Foreshadowing

On Sunday I had to drive an hour to a work meeting and on my way there, I had 6 fabulous blog post ideas. Now of course I can't remember any of them, so I guess I'll wing it.

The big one had his stitches removed this morning and again I felt beyond proud of him. While we were waiting for his doctor he colored her a picture to pass the time and on the bottom I wrote "Thank you Dr. S" and then under that he wrote "Owen Love@s YoYu." She loved it. Said it was awfully advanced drawing for his age (I don't know if it is or not, because I don't have anything to compare it to but I believe he's better than anyone anyway because he's my son) so I said "He's an artist."

Because he is. Just last night he was coloring and looked up at me and said, "Mom, am I an artist? I'm going to grow up to be an artist so I have to practice a lot." His passion for drawing just keep increasing as he gets older. It's very neat. he's grasped that dad is an artist and he wants to be like dad.

Again Owen sat unbelievably still while she worked on removing his stitches which was a little hard because two of them were enveloped in a scab. He thought it was cool, getting to see the stitches when she pulled them out. The doctor was amazed at how well behaved he was, how patient and brave.

Could it be that my little fire cracker, my strong willed, one hundred and ten percent, do-it-myself-er is finally maturing? There were times I wondered if the day would ever come where he would settle down, where we would take a turn into mild mannered, and by golly golly I think we are there.

I also feel slightly redeemed thanks to this appointment. It wasn't too long ago that I had both boys sitting in front of this same doctor trying to have a conversation about Micah and illness x, y or z that he had and Owen was hitting me in the face repeatedly. He didn't listen to me, blatantly ignored me, in front of her and it got so bad that she scolded him. I didn't mind, but was so embarrassed.

Today, my child impressed her with his behavior.

Deep exhale.

Mommy guilt. Oh how taxing and tricky and conniving that mommy guilt can be. In any given day I can convince myself that if I'd been there (wherever and whatever 'there' is on that day) then .... would have been different, would have been better. Like the day Owen got his first bee sting while at daycare, or the time last week when Micah was bit hard twice, one on each arm.  But then, this is where mommy guilt can get tricky, there are times like the stitches incident where I play a part, no matter how small or large, in my child getting injured and I wish I'd been smarter, been quicker, been absent. If I hadn't been there, I wouldn't have finished the sumo wrestling costumes and I wouldn't have been sitting by the evil glider that hurt my baby.

Remember the evil stroller that pinched Micah's finger a few months back? It's been forgiven, or rather not forgiven but forgotten as the anger it once received has now been redirected to the evil rocking chair/glider.

It's fading now that we are 5 days out from the point of attack (ha ha) but I had to fight that mommy guilt hard a few times. And I so appreciated all of the comments here on my blog, on my face book page and one particular compliment that came with a hug at church. The support of other christian mothers is so invaluable to me. It helps keep me focused on the Lord and prevents me from falling to deeply into the worries of mommy guilt.

Especially now that the stitches have been removed I feel like we have come to the end of this particular story. I hated it and that it happened and yet I feel like I learned so much from the trip to the ER that I'm glad we were there.

Here is a peek at the Halloween costumes I made the boys. They aren't really sumo wrestlers, though they seem to think they are while they are wearing them. This video is the "foreshadowing" of what was to come about an hour later. Oh, how I hope the 3 or 4 times they wear these costumes this weekend are without incident!

Enjoy.

Stitches

Last night I had a fever and felt myself getting sick, so when I woke up with a sinus headache I decided that today was a lazy day. Pajamas and all (despite the 30 day get dressed challenge). I took some Advil pretty early on because even though I was feeling crappy I was bound to make it a good day for the kids. I didn't want to be grumpy or not give them the attention they deserve. It's not their fault I'm slower than normal.

So this morning we put in a movie and trashed the basement living room (read the kids played with whatever they wanted and I didn't fuss with putting toys back).  We even had a special snack in the basement. Then I was feeling ambitious so I finished their Halloween costumes (I had been planning to use Velcro and was nervous about it, but finally decided not to, to just sew the side together....OH HOW I WISH I'D JUST WAITED TILL LATER). After that we went upstairs and I picked up the living room, and though moving a lot made me feel a little weak I rearranged the living room. I even did a little in the office (that one room that has yet to be unpacked!). We ate a nice lunch and then the boys played in their costumes.

Immediately after they put them on I said "these might be dangerous Halloween Costumes!" (I actually have me saying that on video.) The boys were super excited, both love their costumes, but more than that they love being boys and the poofy, round, soft, padded angry birds costumes were perfect for sumo wrestling.

Anyone guess yet where this is going?

I wanted to be with the kids. For as long as I can remember I've said "I want my kids to remember me getting in the pool and swimming with them, not just dangling my feet and watching." That goes for every day things, living room play, too. So they were clad in their poofy padded costumes, looking cute as can be, standing at the other end of the room and then running at me and jumping mid room to "pounce" me. I guarded them with my hands, or caught them, or pushed them backwards onto the floor and they'd roll and roll then stand up and do it over again. This went on for what felt like forever. Then I decided to get it on film. It was just so sweet, so cute, I couldn't resist. So I got our camera and set it on the tv stand. But the angle was weird. The way it was set up I had to sit in the middle of the couch (still on the floor) but that meant I'd be closer to the rocking chair. Eh I thought, their well padded. 


It wasn't but a few minutes before injury occurred. Owen came running at me with his elbows out and I guarded myself pushing him off and he rolled into the base of our rocking chair/glider. Hard. I knew he was hurt but I didn't expect to see blood! Lots of it. It looked like there was a hole in his head, right by his eye. Poor guy was so upset, so worried about the "bleed." It was all I had to appear calm. I was so distraught, so worried. I prayed that I could get through it and know what to do. I called my husband and told him I was taking him to ER then I called our Dr. and asked if I should go to ER or come in to the Dr. They sent me to ER.

I was in such a hurry I didn't want to change, so I grabbed a bra and put it in my purse just in case we were around men and I was feeling awkward. With two boys in my arms, I don't know when I expected to get 30 seconds alone to put it on, but it was better than prolonging the trip. The hospital was great. In fact the worst part of the whole incident was riding there and having Owen ask me if he'd have to have a shot or not. I just kept saying, "Honey I'm praying that you can be brave, because we just need to get you fixed and that might mean a shot."

The lady who treated us was amazing with children. She talked to Owen and told him that he'd have a shot around his cut and that it would help him not feel anything so that she could fix him up without hurting him. When she left the room I could see a determination in his eyes that I'd never seen before. Bravery taking over. When they came in to get started he did everything he was told. She had a nurse with her whose job was to hold his head. They tucked him tight into a sheet to "keep him warm" (they were really securing his arms to his body so he couldn't fight). They got him all ready I was standing in front of him so that he could see me and the nurse had his head and said "I'll have to hold you tight, so you don't move if you get scared" and he did not budge. The used the needle in 3 or 4 places around his cut and he just laid there. He didn't even blink. It brings tears to my eyes just remembering it.

The staff was more than impressed and I was so so so blessed. Even Micah was on his best behavior. We were in and out of the hospital in less than 30 minutes. It was beautiful. When we talked about it later, and I told him how deeply proud of him I was. He said "I wasn't scared. I was with God." It was so touching to me. He's said this a few times recently "I was with God" and we've figured it to mean God was with me but I love his four year old way of saying it, when he says it I can hear truth in it.

One of the ladies said "We don't give four year olds enough credit, I've chased 16 year olds around before shots, and he just laid there and didn't even need to be held down." Um, yeah you can say that again. I had a broken arm at 14 and ran away from a nurse screaming when she wanted to draw my blood. If you had asked me as a child what the worst thing in the world was, I would have said getting shots, or poked for any reason. Now, as a mother, the worst thing in the world is seeing your child in pain, and one of those pains is getting shots and stitches. I was so sad and scared for him, but he was so brave and strong.

Now he's back to his good old chirpy self. In fact the numbing medicine must still be working because he keeps telling me he doesn't know where his owie is, if it's on this eye or that eye. There are days of parenting where we wonder whose children they are. Surely I didn't raise this maniac. Surely I've raised him to be more respectful, to listen better, to behave. Most days I'm overwhelmed by taking them on simple errands, the idea of having them both at the ER completely freaked me out. But my children deserve more credit. Even at almost two Micah could understand that something was going on and to be well behaved. Even at 4 when shots are the scariest thing in the world, Owen was brave.

I honestly could not have been more proud. I am proud to be the mother of these two boys, I am, but in public sometimes I worry about how others see me, what they think of my parenting skills or my children, and today I walked in and out of that hospital with immense pride. I have never been more proud of them.

It's amazing how the Lord can teach you more about your children and their personalities through an injury than you might learn through an entire day or week with them otherwise.

Hope the pictures didn't freak you out too much. I still can't bring myself to see that video (which I never did stop lol, but I'm sure the battery died it was almost dead to begin with) I know the cut wont be visible but seeing my part in the accident will be heart breaking! Once Brian gets home I might post the before videos of the boys sumo wrestling so you can see their nature, and their costumes.

Now, if you will excuse me I'm going to go get dressed before my husband gets home. And maybe get my bra out of my purse before I forget and one of the boys removes it in the middle of church or a restaurant.
God Bless!