Monday, November 12, 2012


A few weeks ago, I was seriously struggling with joy. I was feeling run down, overwhelmed by the everyday-ness of life, the mundane, the exhaustion and ick of the first trimester, the moments when the kids wouldn't listen to anything I said. All of these things swirled together with the lack of time and energy I was putting into my relationship with Christ to create what felt like a grumpy little monster living inside of my heart.

Last week, I made some changes and I could feel that monster being squelched, I could feel light returning to me. My heart had a feeling of warmth in it again, magnified of course by the beautiful weather we had this weekend, and my mind felt light. Even with the continued everyday-ness of life things were feeling more manageable. What a major difference (actively) walking with the Lord can make.

I am so grateful to feel alive again, and to top it off I'm officially in the 2nd Trimester club and feel human again, yesterday I was told that I look great, I don't look or seem pregnant at all and that she could tell I was feeling great. I felt like that was the greatest compliment ever! I can't explain how healing it was to hear something other than "oh dear, you look sooooo tired" or get the loving but highly sympathetic shrug/half hug/shoulder pat. I feel alive again. Warm and light and full of God's love.

Sorry about the quality, it's off of my cell phone. 14 weeks.

Phew. Okay, as though all of that isn't enough for today's post, now that it's out of the way I want to get into the GOOD STUFF>>>>>THE GOD STUFF!

I've spoken in this place about prayer before, about how much I love being apart (even if it's such a small part) of what God is doing or about to do, through prayer. When the Lord does something that I've been praying for I just explode with a love for Him that I cannot describe. It isn't about me, or the fact that I prayed, but about Him and His goodness, His faithfulness to listen to and care about the desires of our heart. I feel humbled, awed, grateful, blessed, loved, and cherished when He moves in response to a prayer.

Yesterday, such a thing occurred. I found out that a prayer I'd been praying with increased intensity throughout the last year has been answered. My heart exploded! I couldn't keep a smile off of my face, I still can't. I just have to sing His praises for being so faithful, for having had a plan all of this time, and for bringing hope, excitement and a reminder of His goodness to this situation. It isn't about any of us and our selfish prayers or hopes and dreams, but about Him and His unending love for us. I just can't contain how much I love my Lord and how being in prayer and seeing prayers answered has increased not only my love for, but also my knowledge and understanding of just who it is I serve and therefore why I desire to serve more faithfully.

I find it a real honor when people come to me and ask for prayer, and if I say that I'm praying you can pretty much rest assured that I am and that even as I say I am or will I actually am quietly in my head. If the atmosphere is right, I might even pray right then. Again, I emphasize it isn't about me or feeling special because people turn to me, share with me, or value my prayers, it's about enjoying being used by the Lord through prayer. It's about wanting to touch someone else's life with God's love and faithfulness and showing them how good and deserving He is to bless us and care for us who are so undeserving.

I'm not sure if I'm making any sense, but I'm tearing up just thinking about it, so it's got to be good on some level!

So, this morning the Lord just went "KAPOW" and caused another explosion in my heart, He had yet another "conversation" with me about this amazing gift of prayer that He has given to us, and just floored me. I am so humbled to have been such a small part of something that is so so so big to someone else, so big in fact that it's the size of an 8 or 9 month pregnant belly.

 As I was walking into the doctors office this morning for my 14 week appointment I saw this obviously pregnant woman coming towards me, I vaguely recognized her and immediately smiled and said hi. She eagerly said hi back and stops and says "do you remember me?" I told her I did but I couldn't quite place her, smiling ever politely. She say's "from the bank." I immediately knew, of course I knew her, I'd prayed very passionately for her for about a month. I smiled big and said "Oh yes of course! How are you?"

This is where I'm floored. Where I nearly had to pick my jaw up off of the floor.

"I'm really good, I just had to tell you, you prayed for me once, that I would get pregnant, and I did, I am. He'll be here with us in just a few weeks, so I had to say Thank you."


I just gushed. I pulled her in for a huge hug, my hand shot up in the air in praise, I congratulated her, I just gushed and gushed.

I'm not sure what her circumstances were, and don't remember specifically praying that she could get pregnant but I do clearly recall praying that her and her husband would be able to have more kids. Regardless of what I actually prayed, she sees God's prayers answered, and the Lord knew/knows way more about this family and their specific needs, perfect timing than I do. I'm just so blessed to know that God did something ginormous for them, and that in the process He was able to use me as a light.

God is so good friends. Is there something that has been burdening you? A prayer you have been waiting for an answer on for awhile? A situation you just aren't sure about? Don't give up hope, don't lack faith, or worry unnecessarily, the Lord with bless, in His great and perfect timing, He will make Himself known to you, and bless your stinking socks off!

This verses sums up this entire blog post in all of 23 words.

 "Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Romans 12:11-12

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