The first of these changes happened in 7th grade when I was adopted from my real father by my step father (who is my real father, in every definition of the word, my dad, my daddy, my hero). One day I was any other freshman gettting ready for volleyball tryouts, the next I had a broken shoulder, and my mother was soon there after diagnosed with MS. The 4th of July 2006 was any other celebration a fun weekend we shared with my sister the 5th of July we were diagnosed with cancer. (Genesis 2:24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.) The morning October 16th 2008 I was happily pregnant with our second child, that evening I was learning how to mourn the loss of someone I'd never met but couldn't have loved more. Celebrating the joy of a newborn one minute, shouldering concerns and fears over bad test results the next.
I'm sure this is how it felt to Jesus. Living a normal (his father is God, nothing about his is normal, but you know relatively speaking) life one minute then having it all turned upside down. First to be worshiped and praised greater than any fanfare we could imagine. Though I do have an image in my head of thousands upon thousands of people singing and laughing with faces and eyes lit up. Akin to the reaction of a group five year old's when Santa finally rides by on his reindeer at the end of an exciting parade. Electric, contagious, unhindered, unmistakable joy. I wonder if Jesus was able to enjoy the praise he so rightly deserved, or if he knew all to well what was coming. That tomorrow this praise would begin to be slowly replaced by another contagious emotion. Fear or perhaps it was greed. What came first, the chicken or the egg?
Yes, one moment things were beautiful and the next He was suffering a death more painful than any I could imagine.
Every Easter season it seems I find myself indignantly thinking HOW???? How could they have done this to MY KING???? I would have known! I would have KNOWN. If I'd been there, if I'd been alive, I WOULD HAVE KNOWN! I think that somehow I would be stronger, smarter, more faithful. I would have remembered our praises from the week before. I would not so quickly be persuaded by fear. My heart would have known who he was and what to do about it. Yes that's right, every Easter I begin to think (even just a little bit) that I SINGLE HANDILY COULD HAVE CHANGED HISTORY :) I'm just that good.
Eventually the slightly more honest part of me might ashamedly admit that my anti-confrontational personality really wouldn't have done anything. I would have been an innocent bystander standing in the crowds, crying tears of remorse at what everyone else had done to him.
The fact is it's just so hard, and painful, to imagine standing at the foot of the cross and denying Christ. But that's the sin of pride making itself present in my life. This morning I was reminded that I'm a sinner, and denying that sinful nature, standing behind pride and indignation, is in and of itself a sin.
I think that somehow I would be stronger, smarter, more faithful. I would have remembered our praises from the week before. I would not so quickly be persuaded by fear.
The truth is I do this weekly, sometimes daily. I think it's safe to say we all do.
On Sunday I stand amongst my church family and sing praise songs "You are my all in all."
You are my Messiah!
The alarm clock goes off on Monday morning and I think "this is ridiculous, I don't get enough sleep, how can I be expected to function, sleep is the MOST important thing."
We want Barabass!
I easily remind friends "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
Praise be to the Lord!
"The doctor bills are HOW MUCH? How are we going to pay for that? That will kill our savings."
Give us Barabass!
I pray for patience and praises for our health nightly before bed and oft several times during the day.
Hosanna in the highest
Another fever, another copay, another day off of work. I fret, I worry, I struggle. I get frustrated or angry because I have to shoulder this burden ALONE. I'm the only one this affects, the only one who deals with it, who CAN deal with it.
Barabass! Barabass! Barabass!
How could they have done this to MY KING???? The truth is I DO THIS TO MY KING.
One of the most universal examples pastor gave was this: on Sunday one sings You are My God on Monday "My God," becomes a curse word. "My God, why would you do that?" I see this type of thing on Facebook all the time Christians who say FML (*** My Life). I love you Lord, I hate my life. I'll serve you King, let me have 10 more minutes of sleep first. You are my God, I need more money/things.
I stand at the foot of the cross everyday, and everyday I have a choice. "You are my God," or "Barabass Barabass!"