WaCkY WeDnEsDaY

Hello Friends,
It is the second to last day of February, so I am hoping this brings me to the end of the unplanned, but somehow routine, sabbaticle that the February Plague always manages to push me into. This month has been littered with colds, fevers, ear infections, stomach bugs, and even strep throat for yours truly, but it's coming to an end, and spring must be right around the corner. I insist.

I'm officially in my third trimester now, and Saturday I will be a nice round 30 weeks pregnant. WooHoo.

Other than being the sickest person in my family and operating on next to no immune system, I'm still feeling pretty good. Love baby kicks and spins, love having an excuse to buy smoothies frequently, love getting fat on purpose :)

Yes, I have decided that ending a sentence with a smiley face replaces traditional punctuation, rendering periods and exclamation points redundant and therefore unnecessary :-P

As you can probably tell from my fun new Instagram slideshow on the sidebar, my husband and I have finally upgraded to smartphones. We really had no choice in the matter as his phone had been missing for close to a month and not having a phone when your wife is pregnant really isn't an option. But we didn't want to update our plan to get a free feature phone and then feel locked into that for another two years when this world we live in really is making it harder and harder not to have smartphones. It's such a monopoly. Anywho, Brian's awesome brother gave him a pretty spectacular phone, and mine was free with the upgrade, so I think in the end, it all worked out.

And now I can easily post awesome pictures like this...

 and this...

and we can't leave out this handsome fella who makes my heart a pitter patter...

It is Dr. Suess week at school and today was Wacky Wednesday in Owen's class, which meant that the kids were asked to wear their wackiest outfit and wackiest hair.  So, this is what I came up with.

Okay teachers, can I just say how incredibly stressful this is on a parent? Yes, I know this is fun for the kids, yes I think it's great to have parties to help break up the year and make learning hands on. However, wacky day proved to be an extreme challenge for us, girls, would be easy put polka dot pants on with a tutu and a stripped shirt and voila. But my son has a closet full of jeans and sweat pants, all of which are pretty tame. No polka dots in his wardrobe. No tutu's. Etc. After some deep brainstorming I decided to do shorts over his brothers tight pajama pants.

But that's not the only stress or challenge on a day like this. I hated these days when I was growing up, and I hate them now. Here is why. I never wanted to participate, I didn't like drawing attention to myself, risk being teased. And so, having a day where I have to send my son to the wolves, so to speak, dressed wacky, makes my heart flutter with pressure. I don't want him under dressed, because well, that would look bad in the class pictures they are going to take, and I don't want him over dressed because I don't want to call unnecessary attention to him. There weren't rules about what he could and couldn't wear or do to obtain "wacky" so was coloring his hair acceptable, or a step too far?

Can you hear all of these thoughts clunking around in my head and see how they can start to hinder the creative process?

In addition to the outfit, we were told on Monday that we had to have a banana today. Okay, great, but as of 9:00 last night we didn't have any banana's and we were in the middle of an ice storm. Do we go to the store and get a banana or don't we? If we do, and school is cancelled, that's a pain. But if we don't, and school isn't canceled, well, someone would have to go buy a banana at 7:00 in the morning. Um, yeah. Silly, wacky, crazy thoughts, I know, but these were the real dilemma's we faced last night. Luckily, I married an amazing man who saw my stress about the banana and went to the store for me to get it, and some juice, and  chocolate. He's a keeper.

Aside from the stress of it all, I love this idea of having Wacky Wednesday in middle of the week. He looked so adorable today, and it's fun to be a little crazy every now and then.

Here's a little more wacky for your Wednesday :)

Now friends who have smart phones, what free apps, games, and tools do you think I absolutely must have? I'll even accept low cost app recommendations that I'll add to a list for whenever I get a gift card for my first few purchases!

Have a Wacky Wednesday friends :)

On Life and Storing Up Memories

Source: bellebebes.co.uk via Kristin on Pinterest

I think about this all of the time. Though not usually so poetically, or in a way that brings tears to my eyes like the poster above. All too often, it comes out in a refrain that sounds a little too much like "this too shall pass, this too shall pass." But, oh how sad I really will be when it does. . .I know this because Owen has already grown so much, and though he's always been independent he's definitely turning into quite the little man, and I'm proud, but also sad, all at once.

A few good memories from this last week, or stage of life, or whatever comes to mind, that I'd love to be able to read and reflect on once this season has come to pass.

• On Sunday a soccer ball broke a candle holder I'd just purchased before Christmas. Lucky for them, I was Oil Pulling at the time and couldn't respond at all and it only cost $5 so it really wasn't the tragedy they thought. But, what I hold onto and remember with joy, is both boys coming out of their time out (that dad initiated) and taking ownership. "Mommy, I'm sorry" Owen said, "It was my fault, I'm the oldest and I should know better." All the while Micah's voice is chiming in "No, it's all my fault, I did it, I'm sorry." Moments like that make me think, wow, maybe we are doing something right. Then my next thought was it's a good thing I hadn't been able to react, maybe I should spit my oil out now, so I can tell them how proud I am of them.  

Hee hee hee. It's okay, I tell you these things, just so you can relate, or laugh. Whichever. Either way, I'm not perfect, I screw up, and once in a while I get it right, by accident, because my mouth is too full to speak without spewing all over my children. I told you it's okay, go ahead and laugh now :)

• The other night my husband was lounging on the couch in his most relaxed state, back arched, belly sticking out, enjoying a moment of comfort, when Micah crawls up onto his lap and says "Daddy, you have a baby in your belly too?" Dad being a good sport replies "Yeah, I have a big baby don't I?" Micah rubs his stomach and smiles, acting for a moment as though he really believes his dad is pregnant. So I chime in "Micah, why don't you talk to daddy's baby?" (This is one of those moments I wish we could buy recordings of  because his response was priceless, I'm just not sure words could capture it, but I'm going to try.) He turned and looked at me, his brows arched in confusion, and with the sweetest most shocked voice he says "Daddy doesn't really have a baby in his belly . . . That was a joke!" As though he's telling me something I didn't know, like I was crazy for suggesting it. The first phrase came out slowly, as though he was weighing his words carefully and the second part was full of his emotion and joy. We, of course, died of laughter, Brian laughed for a good 4 minutes and Micah just watched us laugh, laughing at first, but mostly just staring us down, trying to figure out what had been so funny.

• Micah and Owen playing power rangers in the living room. Micah takes down Owen. It's a beautiful moment, black ranger against red ranger, dinosaur ranger verses somebody else, pow, whack, wham, bodies on the floor, legs a kicking, arms a going. "I've got you"'s and "Your going down"s echoing off the walls, laughter weaving it's way through the tangled bodies. Ninety seconds of my children are getting along bliss, then the tears come. Someone got kneed, or scratched, or head butted. A kiss. A hug. All is forgotten and the rangers are in action again. 

• After about a month of blasting our kids into outer-space at bedtime, they decided this week, they don't want to ride the rocket ship to the moon anymore. Owen wanted to be a robot, and Micah a car, so now their bed is a transformer, because that way they can be both a car and a robot at the same time. So, last night instead of "13, 14, 15 BLASTOFF," my amazing husband stood at the door and proclaimed in his best robot voice "Robot one, robot two" all the way to "RooooooooooooooBOT FIFTEEEEEEN" before closing their door. And the boys stayed in bed. Which is one of the most beautiful moments of all, after 2 years of fighting Micah at bedtime that this new routine has made our evenings go so much more smoothly.  Not every night is so smooth, but every night is better than it was before. 

• We've been enjoying lazy Saturday mornings where we actually get to see the clock hit nine before we crawl out of bed, sometimes the kids are still asleep, and sometimes they are destroying the house, but we know that soon, when Sienna arrives these mornings wont be quite so relaxing, at least not at first. So, I think we enjoy them more, because we know that they are fleeting. 

So much beauty, and good surrounds us. Trying to remember to stop and enjoy the moments, to rest and relax while life and memories are made around me. It brings me back to Psalm 139. How the Lord has each of these moments, memories, days, all written down, how his thoughts for me are so innumerable I couldn't begin to imagine them. All the thought and emotion and love that went into the title of my blog. 

Nothing too profound today, and yet, beautiful anyway because it's real. It's life, and it's important to take stock and store up these moments before it's too late. 

The Muddied Waters

Today I'm struggling, with an inward battle.
It's one I've faced before,
and I'm sure will face again.

It could be called a battle,
or perhaps a balancing act.

Trusting oneself, vs. the world around them.
Unnecessarily fearing something, vs. ignoring a warning.


One source says this,
another that.
One direction results in this,
or that, while the other results in that,
or maybe this.

Do I want the this more than the that?
Is risking this, for that, worth the risk?

It's like walking a tightrope across muddied waters.

Blindfolded.
Directed by a slew of voices.
Which one is right?
Which direction do I follow?

Then I hear it,
that still small voice that says,
"Remain calm. Pray about it. Trust Me."

And so I do.
Or I try, for a moment or two.

Then I remember the Lord gave me intuition.
And the internet.
A husband, and a phone call that didn't go as planned.
He gave me friends.
Friends who have experiences,
wisdom gained,
through unimaginable pain.

 The tears together we weep.

I stop a moment to ponder.
Beauty in things.
Friends. Journeys. Confusion.
We were not meant to travel this world alone.

Then my mind resumes again.
I remember my intuition,
my body, the internet,
my husband, the phone call,
and friends.
And the waters are muddied again.

Each possibly a tool from the Lord,
each sending my mind, and heart in a different direction.

Keep resting, keep breathing, be still.
He's there.
In the stillness, there is peace.
In the quiet He speaks.

One thing I know,
is that He did not give me fear.

So I cast that off, and put on Truth.
I wait, and pray, and trust.

The waters may be muddied from here,
where I stand, on my tight rope balancing the different
directions thrown at me, but from heaven,
where my father stands,
those waters are perfectly clear.
And His hand, is ready, to hold me, to lead me.

Source

It's 5 O'clock Somewhere

A few years ago I discovered that my best time to write is at 5:00 AM. I found that before the sun is up, and the demands of motherhood, wife-hood, and influences of social media have soaked into my pores, my mind is at it's clearest. Something I guess I knew in college, for when I was under an intense deadline I would go to bed early and then get up at 5:00 (to my sweet and amazing roommates dismay) to finish my papers, and contrary to what my friends and family expected, I did better on those papers than the others.

For a short period of time at the end of 2011 I managed to get myself into a great routine where I arose before the sun, made myself some hot apple cider, and curled up in the office with nothing but an open word document and a blanket.

I loved it.

And I hated it.

I would manage to keep this routine going for several days and then the weekend would knock me off of my track. Or otherwise put, after getting up that early for a week or two, I would burn out. So, I'd get lazy for awhile, and then, I'd try again. But each time I tried, it seemed my determination and conviction to do it lessened. Even though I loved it, I seemed to decide that I loved or needed sleep more.

There are a few things that contributed to this problem.

First and foremost, I think, is that I have never ever in my whole wide life been a morning person. Just ask my dad. He tried everything to help get me up and moving, he even brought me breakfast in bed for a season because it was the only way he could get breakfast in me before I left the house. (Have I ever mentioned what a great man he is? I now see what I put him through every morning as I call out the countdown to Owen, "bud, it's 8:05 I really need you to get up. That's 5 minutes until the bus is here." Everyday I'm reminded of my dad walking down the hall, rapping on the door, and telling me the time. This pattern even continued through high school, I just hated to get up.) I still hate to get up. It feels like torture. My poor children do not have that mother who is up and ready to go before them, ready to tackle the day with a smile on her face.

Which segues nicely into my next problem. I'm the mother of (currently) two small children. Waking up at 5:00 can often disturb the peace of our home, drawing a child  (particularly my youngest as I just told you my five year old sleeps like a teenager) out of his cave and waking him prematurely. This was a problem half of the time. The other half of the time said child had already abandoned his cave in favor of mine. Snuggling right next to me, his head on my arm, in the sweetest way possible. How do you leave your bed when a little munchkin is content in your arms? It takes a lot more motivation for one thing, and then there is a much higher risk of, again, disturbing the peace.

Now, I should note, these were problems I ran into a year ago. Now, Micah is less likely to be in my bed, at least until 7, and they both sleep a little more soundly these days seemingly making this phase of life a better one to attempt or reattempt my writing routine. However, now there is a little matter of growing a large cantaloupe in my belly and all of the sleep and energy that requires. In many ways this has been my best pregnancy, with Owen I had back pain, with Micah I was very stressed and uncomfortable (I believe) as a result, and this time, aside from extreme (for me) morning sickness early on I generally feel great and I haven't yet gained any weight. Great, but exhausted. Things that didn't phase me with thing one or thing two pretty much knock me flat on and  my back with this one. By the end of a day I am dead on the couch and my eyes start to droop around 9:00.

Listen to me and my many excuses.

I was telling all of this to a good friend of mine a few weeks ago, about how 5:00 is my best time to write, and yet as much as I wish it did, it just doesn't work for me at this stage of life. "I just have to find my 5:00 at another time, make some other time of the day work for me the same way."

And that's when I remembered the popular country song, "It's 5 O'clock Somewhere." It's interesting to me how many people quote this song when looking for a reason, an excuse, to have an early drink.

Now, I don't drink, but I think I can learn something from this song and the resulting catch phrase. I simply need to make this a priority, instead of finding excuses or hiding behind reasons not to do something, in this case writing, which I love. I need to make excuses and find reasons to do it. I simply need to find my 5:00 at another time.

I haven't found it, yet. But I think I'm getting close.

Perhaps, my 5:00 AM can be a different time each day and it isn't quite as complicated as I always try to make it in my mind. I think, having put a name to it and found a catch phrase for myself, and the fact that I have started identifying, even if it's just internally for now, the reasons why I make these excuses in the first place, will all help me to find that place, inwardly, where I can tune out the world and my day to tune into that place where composition is easy and isn't inhibited. Finally, I think I need to make my 5:00 less about a specific time and more about the things that help me unwind, a steady supply of hot apple cider, a blanket and a quiet room to escape to for starters. (Quiet in a house of boys, an oxymoron if I've ever heard of one.)

So friends, I wonder, am I the only one who makes excuses NOT to do something they know internally they need to be doing?

What things do you do, to motivate and encourage yourself when those excuses are taking over and derailing your enthusiasm?

I'd especially love to hear from you, my blogging/writing friends, about your 5:00, is it a time, or a thing that brings you to that place of productivity?


I don't make a habit of blogging on the weekends, but my son interviewed me this week, and I'd like to share it with you. So, I hope you will make your way back here tomorrow for that little bit of my heart.

Until then,
Teresa

The Pin So Stupid I HAD To Try It

Not everything on the internet is true. It's like a mantra that I seem to say to a lot of people. Specifically related to Facebook, there are so many odd jokes people post or statuses that make you say "huh?" but then I remember, not everything on the internet is true. I forgive people for their stupidity, take it with a grain of salt, and move on.

But Pinterest? That's a different story. It's not to say that I believe EVERYTHING I read on Pinterest, or that every trick of the trade will work for me, but generally I expect that the things pinned have been tried by someone who deemed them pinterest worthy. I automatically assume, someone, somewhere has tried this, and found some truth to it. Pinterest hasn't turned me into a complete idiot, or so I thought, but generally speaking I tend to be more understanding and accepting of statement as fact.

Then, I saw this pin.

To straighten hair without heat,
 just mix a cup of water with 2 tablespoons of BROWN sugar, 
pour it into a spray bottle, then spray into damp hair and let air dry!

Source: Uploaded by user via Ashley on Pinterest

I KNEW IT WAS STUPID.
I scoffed.
I shook my head, in disgrace.
Who would believe such a stupid thing?

I didn't open it. I didn't pin it. I didn't give it another thought. Or, I wish I hadn't given it another thought. The truth of the matter is, the concept was so off the wall, I kept coming back to it. Maybe just maybe, someone really did have success with this? There have been other pins that seemed outrageous but in fact have brought a lot of success to people or made their lives easier in some way shape or form. Perhaps? Maybe?

These thoughts continued on for about 4 days. Then, one evening after getting my kids home/off the bus I had about an hour to shower and get ready for a work meeting 45 minutes away from home. I thought, well, maybe I'll try this trick so that I can have a little time to spend with my kids instead of slaving away with the blow dryer and flat iron for the entire hour.

So, I succumbed people. I tried the pin that was so stupid I scoffed at the person who created it.

What was the worst that could happen? I figured, the worst case scenario was that my hair wouldn't dry straight, it would be frizzy or wavy and it I'd throw it up in a pony tail or a bun.

WRONG.

I wish I'd taken pictures of the progress, but as I mentioned, I'd gone to a meeting for work.

At first, after mixing not two but maybe 1 tablespoon of brown sugar in a bottle with well over a cup of water and spraying it on my hair, my hair did appear to be smother. I combed it and it remained perfectly combed and straight for a long period of time. As I watched tv with the kids and played imaginary games with Micah John I kept checking my hair, it was starting to dry. It wasn't great, but it wasn't horrible.

Then, just before leaving the house I noticed something.

Something I should have realized would happen.

Why should I have realized there would be terrible consequences? Because it's common sense.
Sugar is sticky.

And so was my hair. The back underneath portion that is always kind of dry and impossible to work with was now, sticky, straw like, and even more impossible to work with. I quickly threw my hair into a low pony which I flipped and tucked effectively hiding my hair in a low bun like mess for my meeting.

By the time I got home, my hair was a birds nest. It was not straight. It was not soft or silky like the picture implied. It wasn't even hair. It was like straw.

It made me think of the girls in college who had bleached their hair blond so many times that it didn't even resemble hair anymore. Hair after hundreds of harsh chemicals had stripped it raw.

That was me. After putting a tiny bit of brown sugar in a large spray bottle of water and spritzing less than an ounce of said concoction on my hair.

Apparently, I'm not the only one who was hoodwinked by this woman's silky shiny hair, because when I did a search today for the original pin I found this:

Source: pintriedit.com via Giuliana on Pinterest

Yup, that about sums it up. Though, I would add straw, and birds nest, to the descriptive words.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'm going to go surf around PinTriedit.com to see what other catastrophes I can avoid!

Have you tried a pin, simply because you HAD to know if it would work? Did it? or was it a total fail?

I'd love to hear the good the bad, and the sticky :)

Until Friday my friends!

Teresa

Oh, I almost forgot, this is a good time to share belly pics so here you go, 24+ weeks :) Sorry about the awkward camera-phone-in-mirror photo.

The Adaptability of Eye Shadow and Devotions

The last three weeks have been a fresh start, here on my blog, at home with the kids, with my husband, and with my Lord. Not that any of those relationships started over, just that they each started again, started fresh with new and exciting energy and enthusiasm. As I mentioned last week, we committed to a few small changes to help us better stick with them and follow them through, and as a result, our home has transformed. It's only been three weeks, but it has been a fabulous three weeks and I think we can all attest that when we see success it is easier to push forward.

I feel revived, if you haven't noticed, our house isn't actually clean but it's like the air around us is, and I keep taking it in, deep breaths of God's goodness and guidance. I can feel the Lord working in me and the Spirit urging and guiding me as I dig through and chew on God's word like I've never felt Him before. Yes, we have made great strides this month, but that doesn't mean we have arrived, or that we've even begun to scratch the surface.

There is still so much soul digging, growing, and strengthening that needs to be done. It's a life journey. Now that we are on the right track,our hearts are opened to and ready for the depth and digging needed to bring convictions that lead to the changes and works the the Lord wants to do in our lives. This process is challenging and it's going to require dedication, openness, honesty, and repentance. The transformation I'm talking about needs to take place deep within, you've heard the phrase "not a diet but a life style change", well that's what I'm talking about, not something short lived that has little impact but long term, life changing impact.

Last week, I stumbled upon a Christian community called She Reads Truth. This site hosts a daily devotional and Bible reading plan. When I found it, they were at the end (though I didn't realize it) of a plan called "Fresh Start." Huh, interesting concept right?

Well, that 19 day plan ended over the weekend and now they/we are digging into a new reading plan called Soul Detox.  Here is one small section of a captivating description which I felt really spoke to everything I've been feeling and sharing here.

If you’re tired of the stain of sinful habits discoloring your life, if you long to breathe the fresh, clean, life-giving air of God’s holiness, if you would love to detoxify your soul from guilt, fear, regret, and all the impurities that pollute your relationship with God, then this reading plan is for you.

Truth be told, I know there are a ton of good daily devotionals designed for Christian women that build community and accountability, but I'm new to the game. Why? Because it hasn't felt like a good fit. It hasn't been a comfortable or easy transition. This morning, I was applying my eye shadow, which until recently I'd been using exactly the same colors and doing in exactly the same way for probably about three years. But my sister bought me some good stuff for Christmas, in colors that I've never owned before. This has caused me to do some experimenting, playing with different options to get a look I'm comfortable with, while also trying some fun dramatic looks I'm less comfortable with but that made my husband say "oooh la la."

While experimenting, I discovered a technique that I've heard of but not tried, and frankly thought I wouldn't like. The technique is using the dark eye shadow color on my lash line instead of using eye liner. In my 18 years of doing make up, I've never done this. I've always opted for the eye liner because it was comfortable, though it's not always been a happy or perfect relationship. Finding the perfect eye liner is a chore and a pain. What I discovered, is that being afraid to try something different with my eye shadow, just because it wasn't comfortable or would take time to adjust to, has caused me to miss out on a subtle but substantial change in the way my eye make up looks and lasts throughout the day.

There are as many ways to wear your eye shadow as there are people who wear it, and as many techniques for applying it as there are companies who make it. There is a little something for everyone, and what works for you this week, month or year, might not, be the only way or your favorite way once you have discovered something new. I think the same can be said for our devotion/Bible reading time. There are so many plans, ideas, and recommendations out there, not one of them is wrong, but that doesn't mean they are all right for you, or right for you right now. As time goes on, you might find something you thought worked perfectly isn't working as well, and decide to tweak it. That's okay, like eye shadow, you might find something better for you in this moment that you never would have expected to work.

My point is that, eye shadow application, Bible/devotion reading, even life, are all adaptable, and by being afraid to try something new, or change can cause us to miss out on those "oooh la la" moments with our husbands, deep spiritual insight with other women, or even moments of joy with our kids.  I'm excited to be branching out and trying something new again today with the She Reads Truth study and community and know that the Lord will use this time to stir great and amazing insights and truths within me.I have already been challenged by today's reading alone. I'm looking forward to meeting new women through their community and perhaps growing blog relationships that way as well, but most importantly, they say this reading plan is life changing, and that my friends is what I'm most excited about.

So, let me ask you... Are you in between devotions, or wishing you had a specific guided plan to help you examine an area of your life? Do you want women to help hold you accountable to finding a handful of minutes a day and setting them aside for Jesus? I would love it if you'd come join in the fun. It's really really awesome. I'm serious. Go there. now. MWA!

Until Wednesday my friends,
Teresa

What It Means to be a Writer, The New School of Thought

I recently bought a sort of "how to book" for aspiring writers on Kindle. It wasn't an expensive purchase, it cost me $0.00 to download. I eagerly began reading and quickly discovered the book wasn't worth the zero pennies I'd paid for it and despite myself I kept reading, thinking it was bound to get better. There would be something significant buried between the verbose and repetitive pages. More than 40% of this book later I feel as though I greatly wasted my time.

And yet, I also feel encouraged. You see, if he could do it...

Despite the fact that his writing was cheesy, far from riveting  and majorly lacking in actual content. The main concept of his book stuck with me: To be a writer, you just have to believe it.

That's it.

My dad would argue that to be a writer you actually have to write. A true writer, he has told me before, doesn't concern themselves with what other people think, they write because they have to. They write constantly, because they are compelled to. Not writing, would be in essence like starving. Dedication, time, and passion are the keys to success as a writer and ultimately the satisfaction comes from within. These words produce an image in my mind of someone chained to their computer, literally wasting away as they ferociously type every spare minute of the day.

Dictionary.com defines a writer as: a person engaged in writing books, articles, stories, etc., especially as an occupation. An author or a journalist. This definition, with the emphasis and inflection on the italicized words more accurately defines how I've looked at it during the years. If I'm not actively writing a book, then I must not be a writer. I can't claim to be a writer until I've been validated as one via publication or career. These inflections, give way to self doubt, and self doubt will, well...to be frank, self doubt is a female dog who will jump up and rip the flesh right off your tushy every time you give her the chance.

So where does that leave me then? A wife, mother, friend/sister, ministry leader, and {basically}full time employee (oh, and lets not forget I'm currently pregnant with my third). There isn't enough time in my life to fit in the type of writing my dad describes as necessary. Yet, when I write I feel alive in a way that nothing else can touch. My thoughts become more coherent and my connection with my Lord increases tenfold. Since starting this blog two years ago, I've learned that the more I write, the more I want to write. I never would have said that I feel like I'm starving when I'm not writing, but I've discovered that when I'm not writing my fuse is shorter, my relationship with the Lord suffers, and my creativity all but dries up. That sort of sounds a bit like starving doesn't it?

But what has happened time and time again, both in this space and in other writing pursuits,  is I allow that self doubt to come in and take chunk after painful and gory chunk out of my otherwise cute little tushy. That's where the first school of thought must come back into play. At some point, you have to believe you are what you want to become, or you wont ever be able to stand up to the pressures and doubts long enough to succeed. Ultimately, you aren't going to get that public validation until you have believed in yourself enough to put a muzzle on that self doubt and lock it in a kennel. Throw away the key too, wont you please?

The Lord has blessed me with a handful of women who have made it their mission to encourage me in my writing. Women whom without, my blog would have died out many many moons ago. The Lord has used each of these women to validate me and my passion on multiple occasions throughout the last two years. I have their words embedded deep in my heart for safe keeping. My husband, my greatest supporter, has been telling me for years that I can do it, that I just need to believe in myself. Oddly enough, I would just ignore him. Almost as though his confidence in me was falsified because we are married. As a result, he'd say "believe in yourself" and I would roll my eyes at him and hmph with my arms crossed or back turned. Easier said than done, right? Not according to this idiot who published an ebook. According to him, it just requires repeating the words "I am a writer" over and over, and owning them. Stupid, right? That's what I thought, and yet shortly after I'd started my blog one of my cheerleaders came up to me and said 'Teresa, I just wanted to tell you that you are not an aspiring writer...you ARE a writer. I do a lot of reading, and consider myself to be extremely critical, and you have it, you are a writer."

The confidence meter soared off the mark. Occasionally I replay those words, when I need to motivate myself to break out of my pattern and get going again. My dad might say that it shouldn't matter that she feels this way, and yet it made all of the difference for me. So, that begs the question, if a friend telling me I'm a writer can increase my confidence so drastically what would happen if I said it, believed it, owned it?

So starts the mantra. "I'm Teresa Thomas, and I am a writer. I'm a writer. I can write. I love to write. Teresa Thomas the writer." Believing it, has driven me to commit to writing in this blog faithfully again, and once I get into a good routine here, I may even work on some of those other pursuits that have been collecting dust. Owning of that phrase or series of phrases, is what prompted me to change my blog header to make it reflect the style of the many writer/author blogs which litter the web.

It's scary, taking this leap, but I believe that I've made big strides this month, understanding what inflections cause my self doubt to rage, and taking hold of both my dads idea of a writer and the idiots idea of it, putting them together in a sort of mangled ball and simply putting this new school of thought into action. The validation I've received from my friends/cheerleaders, along side the newly added praises of my husband, are safeguarding my heart so that when that self doubt comes rushing into the room charged, angry, ready to attack, I am ready and able to stand strong with a tight tush that can withstand the worst abuse. These poor women probably feel like their efforts and words have been fruitless because I've drifted and allowed myself to enter that starvation phase that is not writing, so many times. But I assure you, them, and the Lord, they have not. I'm relying on those words greatly right now.

Teresa Thomas,
A Writer

I hope you will join me next Friday for my On Writing post tentatively titled "It's 5 O'clock Somewhere"

On Life: A long overdue update

So excited to be back here, ready to share with you about the many blessings we have experienced lately. It's going to be a whirlwind, so hang on friends!

1. The announcements have been made, via Christmas cards, facebook, and one on one interactions, but the last step is sharing it here in my blog. Are. You. Ready? {Que the drum roll please}

2. Baby Girl has a name. Sienna Marie. Isn't it beautiful? {hint: if you don't agree, don't tell me ;)}
We wish Sienna had biblical meaning like the boys first names, but it has personal meaning to us as we (my husband and I) met at Siena Heights University. And I'm excited to be passing down my middle name to her as well, a name that has meaning in both my family and Brian's family.

3. Early in December I posted that I really wanted the month to be a time where we, as a family, stepped back and spent more time in the Word, focusing on Advent and the reason for Christmas. I'm happy to report that we did that. And it went well. I also used that time to step away from Facebook a bit, limiting myself to 15 minutes or so a day and really tried to evaluate facebook and it's place in my life. It was a good time for me.

4. As a result of that time, analyzing and processing, I made some changes to my facebook settings and hacked it to be more suitable to my needs as they stand right now. I was fed up with the negativity that would stream into my life through the feeds. I was overwhelmed and annoyed by the ads, political platforms, and the accusations, anger and bitterness people seem to thrive on. But, I also highly value having access to communicate with old friends, church friends, babyfit friends, and family who is spread across country wide, and grow deeper in those relationships. Facebook is the easiest way for me to share family photos with those who are closest to me. But I've come to realize, that not everyone on my friends list needs to see everything I post, and I don't need to know what everyone on my list is doing either. So, I'm utilizing the "Close Friends" list Facebook provides. I've set my status', and photos to be visible to this list only and have selected about 25% of my friends list for this list. These are the people who are edifying in some way, who help me to grow in my relationship with the Lord, who make me laugh, or who simply mean the world to me. Plain and simple. When I log onto Facebook I simply select that list, and scroll through those status's and posts and avoid the main news feed as much as possible. And I must say, I made this change on the first of the year and the difference it has made is unreal. Facebook is now a place that I have some control over. It's a place that brings me light, and doesn't consume too much of my time. I still have access to all of my friends and them to me, and allow my blog posts and occasional status's to go to the whole friends list, but this has helped me to be more productive and allow facebook to influence me in a positive way instead of taking all the negativity with the good.

5. The Lord blessed us with a new car this month. Several weeks back we had a call from a relative saying they would be selling a car and wondering if we were interested in it, for a good deal, we were! With the holidays and a few details that needed to be worked out. Then one day my van up and died, we think it's the battery but my husband can't get it out for several reasons, and low and behold this opportunity was already there for a quick, stress free replacement that was able to help us out before we suffered any of the inconveniences of being down to one car. PRAISE THE LORD! I call the car "Gramps."

6. The Lord is really showing himself and his blessings right now through favor in both of our work places, and that, in a time where our economy is struggling is an absolute blessing that must be sung in praise!

7. This last weekend the Lord blessed us with a rare treat for Michigan. Beautiful weather in January. It was so nice that we took some time out from our cleaning and errands and busy day to get Micah's new bike put together and allow him to experience it for the first time. A giant thank you to my parents for the amazing gift,  a bike is more than just a possession to a little boy, it's opportunity, and personal ownership, it's that feeling of being big. Take a look for yourself (yes, they are in pajamas at 4 in the afternoon, and Gramps is in the driveway so you get to see a lot of his tail end)...

Micah: "Yeaaaaaaa, Micah!" 

8. Owen got a Wii for Christmas, and loves it more than life itself lol. Working on trying to make sure he stays grounded and doesn't get too absorbed into video games. Rules and time limits have been of the up most importance. Micah's imagination never stops working. He is always making up stories, and pretending that his bed is a spaceship has helped improve our bedtime routine by significant amounts. Our lives have been measurably changed, and it all started with a blanket my sister made him for Christmas, a blanket with space pictures, and rockets. The "Magic Blanket." Basically, the blanket just helped us realize that Micah functions in imagination, I'm trying to use this new knowledge to help think of creative ways to teach him things like the ABC's and spelling, phone numbers etc, simply singing a song doesn't work for him the way it did for Owen. 

And, that my friends, is most of it. God continues to stir in our hearts with our new years theme of being rooted and we are so excited about the ministries we are involved in at church and the attitude we are re-cultivating in our home.

"Look mom, it can fly like Mary Poppins"

Photo by Micah

May God bless you abundantly, until Friday!

Teresa :)

Small Changes, Big Impact, Becoming Rooted

Good morning friends,
The last Sunday of 2012 our Pastor gave an amazing sermon on the importance of taking inventory. He talked about how the end of the year sales provided stores with an opportunity to take inventory of their stock and reassess their business goals and merchandise for the coming year, and said that as Christians we should assess our year, ask our selves if we met certain criteria and regroup, refocus for the coming year. He used Colossians chapter 3 as a tool for taking said inventory and then pounded us with some difficult questions.

Was your heart set on things above or earthly treasures?
Are you reading your Bible and praying daily?
Did you see spiritual growth this year?
Did you lead anybody to Christ?
Did you even share your faith or witness to anyone?
Can your children see your faith alive in your life?
Did they see you reading, praying, leaning on the Lord this last year?
Are you clothed with kindness, compassion, gentleness and patience?
Does the peace of Christ rule in your heart?
And finally, can you honestly say that whatever you do, whether in word or deed, you do it all in the name of the Lord with a heart and attitude of praise?

Some of these questions hit my husband and I at the core. We started out 2012 with a lot of goals/resolutions, big grand ideas of things we would do to draw our family closer to the Lord etc etc etc, but as each day came to a close, like waves of the tide beating a sandy shore, our resolve faded and time slipped away from us like sand into the ocean. Overall, the year was a wash.

In 2011 Owen knew memory verse after memory verse, in 2012  not only did we fail in teaching him any more, we failed in helping him recall the ones he already knew (let alone starting to work with Micah). I had intended to blog regularly, but had excuse after excuse not to. I'd vowed not to watch tv on weeknights in order to bring glory to God and focus more on my writing and within 10 days I failed. Were we effective in sharing our faith or bringing others to the Lord? There are people we've been praying for, but is that all we are called to do? Can we honestly say there weren't any missed opportunities? I think not.

There were moments and seasons in 2012 where we both saw growth, or were walking effectively, but overall 2012 was not our best year. And yet, despite our lazy sluggard ways, despite our failures or indifference, the Lord chose to keep us in a season of blessings. Showering gift after gift down on us. What a loving God we serve.

I know you might be reading this, thinking it sounds like a new years post, and wondering why I'm only now, two weeks too late, writing a new years post. This is why, because I wanted to make sure that the changes we were making would stick, that our year would in fact be more purposeful, and committed to Christ, and that when I shared these things with you, I wouldn't be premature in saying them.

"But above all, my brothers, do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or any other oath, but let your "yes" be yes and your "no" be no, so that you may not fall under condemnation." James 5:12

I believe, that I failed that verse last year with my new years post and promises I made to the Lord and myself. This year, Brian and I have decided we needed to make small changes with the big impact and we have already seen much growth, and peace through these changes. The boys are on their third memory verse (which means mom and dad are also on their third memory verse), even Micah is grasping them, if not memorizing them word for word he is paraphrasing appropriately for his age.

 Will each of the routines we have started stay exactly the same throughout all of 2013? I cannot and will not say, but it is my hope that they will, or at they will at least adapt accordingly as the needs of our family change.  Our focus, is on the idea of being rooted in Christ, on verses we found in Colossians on New Years Day when we went back to read the whole book together and make a commitment together to be better this year, for each other, for our children, but most importantly for our Lord.

"So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness" Collossians 2:6-7

Image Source

That's it, our goal for 2013, to make small changes which will help us to dig deeper, being rooted and built up, strengthened in our faith and overflowing with thankfulness. It comes with a purpose to read and pray together regularly, help our kids with memorization and application of the Bible, and utilize the talents he has given to us in every capacity we can.

Which brings us to this place. My blog. My home as a writer. I'm excited to be back at blogging, to start building these amazing virtual relationships again and to really commit to exploring my writing. For the first time, I've solidified a writing schedule which I intend to stick to, emphasizing the three areas in my life that I consider (or want to be) my driving forces. My faith, my family, and writing.

Monday you can come here expecting to find a post On Faith, it might be spiritual reflections, life assessments, like I wrote about today, Bible verses that are impacting me, or a devotional.

Wednesday will be On Life, simple but enjoyable life updates, it may be a piece of parenting or marriage advice that has inspired me, or an update on my progressing belly growth and baby.

Friday I will focus On Writing, it will be about anything writing related, the act of writing or reading written works. This will be a space to explore myself as a writer/creator but also a reader/reviewer.

My amazing husband helped me create a blog header which brings me a great amount of joy and helps me to feel more professional, at peace, and like I've finally found an identity, in this space, as a writer. I'm excited to embrace these emotions and move forward with vigor.

Until Wednesday,
Teresa

Random

I haven't really had many cohesive thoughts lately, most of what has been floating around my head has been random, so  here is to a little bit of random to help keep life real.

I want a miniature dog. Like a Puggle or better yet, a Pocket Puggle. My husband says he can't read me, one week ago I never ever ever wanted an animal in our home, and now I am searching pet adoption and favorite family friendly breeds. Claire says it's got to be the baby, because "you have never a day in your (adult) life wanted a dog." I blame the missionaries currently staying at my office and their cute little tiny dog that is indoor potty trained and likes to sit on my baby bump.

But, if we got a dog, we'd have to potty train a dog, and well, I'm potty training Micah, so I think that would be a bit too much to handle.

Seriously though, Micah would LOVE LOVE LOVE to get a Puggle for Christmas, he'd be beside himself. It might just be that over the top reward that would keep him on track ;) lol

I told you I'm random.

In the last week the baby movements have picked up about ten fold. I'm feeling frequent movement now, though she/he still isn't quite strong enough to be felt by anyone else yet.

Micah frequently wraps his arms around my body and puts his head on my stomach and refuses to move saying "I'm missing the baby" or "I need the baby." The best is when he puts his feet on my stomach and then starts laughing (seemingly at himself) and joyously exclaims "The baby is tickling me!!" He enjoys playing the naming game which goes something like this:
MJ: Name the baby Shirt!
Me: Shirt?!? I can't name the baby Shirt! Shirt, go put on your Shirt, that would be con-FU-sing!
MJ: Name the baby TV!
Me. TV?!? I can't name the baby TV! TV, please turn off the TV, that would be con-FU-sing!

You get the idea. So funny.

Owen still calls the baby, Suuuuuuuuuuuu-san, or Captain Underpants and is excited because I'm finally getting fat (and it's okay to say so!!! Perhaps that's the real excitement in it, lol.)

Really looking forward to having about 13 days off of work starting tomorrow afternoon. Good long stretch for potty training, relaxing, reading, family time, and just soaking up the memories with my precious little guys.

I'm doing Christmas Cards this year and I'm super excited about them, though the address wrangling is a pain. I'm actually creating a spreadsheet that I plan to keep updated but it's been a lot of work. So glad I started that way beforehand. And at this point, I'm done begging. If I don't have your address you don't get a card, and that is that. (bushes hands together).  The cards will probably arrive just after Christmas, but as I'll have them at the post office by the end of this week, that will be the post offices fault, not mine ;)

Prayers have been so mixed lately, there is so much pain in this world, it's hard to find the words, and mixed with that is joy and excitement for so many of my friends whom the Lord is doing big things for right now. I think of how the Lord must feel these conflicting emotions, joy and sorrow, everyday, celebrating and grieving with all of His children, daily. There for us, in the good as well as the bad.

Now seriously, back to the Pocket Puggle, how can you not fall in love with these beautiful little faces???

If we were to get a dog, we would seriously have to name it Random. We'd have to, because this is the most ridiculous and completely off the wall idea I've ever had.

My Frosted Flakes

It amazes me how sometimes it's the little things that can really make you feel like a million bucks

And when multiples of these little things all line up within the same period of time

Well, watch out world!

When your pregnant people no longer ask you how you are, they will forever and always ask you how you feel. My answer? The last few days it's been a resounding and cheerful "I feel GREAT!" Like Tony the Tiger after a bowl of frosted flakes. My smile radiates, I can feel it in my eyes. So what blessings and little gems of joy has the Lord weaved together in the last several days to cause me such enthusiasm?

• The "I love my wife because..." post my husband wrote for my Birthday was pretty awesome and still makes me smile (and tear up!) 
• I have two beautiful boys, who are wild, but ultimately amazing kids.
• 12 hours of completely uninterrupted sleep on Friday night.
• Reading and singing and praying about Christmas as a family every night is a special and relaxing way to end each day this season. 
• I managed to COMPLETE several loads of laundry this weekend and don't have to hunt down clean clothes for the boys to wear each morning. 
• Between a friend who is letting me borrow her maternity clothes and several frugal trips to the Salvation Army I have a closet full of clothes that I'm in love with and make me feel fabulous. 
• I had enough energy and motivation combined to clean my bedroom. My ruffly blanket is made up pretty on my bed and my floor is clean, my decorations are slowly coming along making the master bedroom feel like an amazing retreat awaiting me after a long day. 
• I'm showing way more with this baby at 18 weeks than I did with either of my boys, and yet I still haven't gained a pound! Wohoo!!! (I'll enjoy that for as long as it lasts and as long as my Dr. isn't concerned.)
• My hair cut is super easy to style and looks best when the layers all fall in a hundred different directions encouraging me to wear it down more often than I normally do because it doesn't have to look perfect to look good. 
• The Lord is doing exciting things for so many of our family friends. 
• My heart is stirring and growing as I relax and reflect this month. 
• For the first time ever, we have had the privileged to decorate outside for Christmas. Last year was our first year in a home of our own so really the first possibility but we didn't think it wise to spend the money. Our decorations are a simple strand of white lights along the length of our house and garage but oh how splendid it is and what a simple way to show others in our neighborhood we celebrate Christmas, and hopefully our light will continue to shine even after the lights have come down and the season has come to an end. 
• Micah was  a very funny Joseph in the Christmas play yesterday, but the best part was that he was so proud of it and Owen was proud of him. I loved hearing him tell every person who congratulated him who he was, and to even hear him talking about it as he crawled into bed and said good night. 
• And today's biggest smile comes from having heard the baby's heart beat this morning. A sound I'll never get used to or sick of. 

As my mind clears I can see these things more abundantly, yes, laundry is exciting, I have clothes to wear, but also the energy, money and machinery required to clean those clothes and places to put them away. I have a clean or mostly clean house, friends could stop by and I wouldn't have to be embarrassed. I'm enjoying this phase of the early second trimester, I might not be feeling the baby consistently yet, but oh how wonderful it is to have energy, to still be small enough that I can walk and breath and even bend over! In a world that is imperfect all of these things are gifts and blessings that I treasure and focusing on them, and the good that the Lord has done helps me to be cheery and excited and a little like Tony the Tiger as I go about my day. 

So, friends, I'll leave you with a few photos and wonder, what is it that the Lord has done or is doing in your life to make you say "I'm GREAT!" What are your Frosted Flakes today? 

On Thanksgiving at my parents house

That's what brotherly love looks like! 

The boys watching Mary Poppins at Grandma's house

Words escape me.

Pursuing Quiet

The older I get, the smaller my brain seems to get. It seems, at least to me, that there is more and more trying to take up space in my mind, and less and less space to go around. Perhaps it isn't just my age that creates the more, but a combination of that combined with our digital age, the influx of information available on the internet, via several different highways, pinterest, facebook, twitter, wikipedia. More than you could have ever hoped or needed to know about any topic or any person at the tips of your fingers.

Along with this knowledge, comes pressure. Often unspoken or self imposed there has become this new sort of element to evaluate self worth against. No longer is our value as a person, a mother, a sister, daughter, a Christian, x y or z just based on our relationships, experiences, or effort in the real world, but now there is this web world we must fit into as well. Are my facebook statuses witty enough, or inspirational enough? If I don't blog daily or about deep enough issues will the readers come? If I can't live up to the standards of potty training in three days as pinned hundreds of times will I somehow be less of a mother? 

I may be taking this to a slight extreme in order to make my point, but regardless, there are standards set that we begin to feel like we have to meet, and if we can't meet each one we can sometimes, begin to let those "failures" define us. Not always, not every failure, but even some. 

Lately, I've found myself in a place that is crowded. My mind is full of these expectations, facebook antedotes I shoulda/coulda/woulda posted. My heart is desiring to draw closer to the Lord, but my world is full of distractions, expectations, and relationships that I'm maintaining or fanning even if it's just via a FB status here and there. 

It's Christmas and the signs of this are everywhere. My tree is up, the stockings hung, I have this beautiful new wooden snowman that I am just in love with hanging, the candles are out, the wreath is up, and presents are starting to overflow on my bedroom floor. Yes Christmas is evident everywhere, except in my heart. That's what struck me a few days ago, and as a result I decided to attempt to quiet my heart and mind this season. There are so many different ideas out there of how to do that, but ultimately I'm picking and choosing bits and pieces from several different ideas and making this journey my own. I'm stepping back from facebook first and foremost to let my mind clear, our family is doing an advent type reading each night, and I'm thinking to do a few weekend crafts/baking that don't complicate but simplify our family time. 

Yesterday was my first day off of FB and don't you know the minute I decided not to post anything for awhile 50 "worthy" statuses started to inundate me. 

• A man easily my fathers age just walked within 8 inches of me and said "Your husband ought to be a very proud man. I mean it, a very very proud man." The creepiest compliment I've received in a long time. 
•  My bus driving just told me I'm cute and glowing, I guess the pregnancy glow isn't just a myth!
• It has not been that long since the last time I swept, but you wouldn't know it from the two dustpan fulls I just swooped up. 

Seriously. Those are the intellectual thoughts I had yesterday, then after the sweeping one, this blog post came to mind. Or at least the paragraph I'm about to write. These are the things flooding my mind and wasting space in my heart, around Christmas? It's my hope that as my Facebook fast goes forward, as I attempt to fill more of my time reading the Bible and praying verses getting distracted by facebook and it's many avenues, these thoughts will be replaced with ones of value. That more blog posts will be written, that I will draw closer to the Lord as He is waiting for me to do, and that my family will be ready for Christmas morning, not because they'll get presents but because they will meet Jesus. 

This morning I was reading in Ecclesiastes about how everything is meaningless and chapter 1 verses 8 and 9 really struck me today, especially when thinking about everything I've been processing the last few days. 

All things are wearisome,more than one can say. The eye never has enough of seeing, nor the ear its fill of hearing. What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun. 

I read these verses and felt like they really described facebook well, there is always more to see more to read, what has been said will be said again and what has been done will be done again, it's a lot of the same. Now, I'm actually not against facebook, I am a huge advocate and have begged many a friends to join because I love what social media can do for relationships and feel like my friendships with the women in my church (particularly but not exclusively) are richer because of conversations over facebook and sparked by facebook statuses etc. That said, at this particular time, and I'm not putting a max or min length on it, I really need to pull back and let my heart and mind fill up with the Lord. I expect it will be throughout the Christmas season............but we shall see.

So friends, what are you doing this season to quiet your heart? There isn't any one right way, there are hundreds of ideas, what are some of the things you are doing or hope to do? 

Love always

For My Wife On Her Birthday

I woke up this morning to find a link on my facebook page to a blog post my husband wrote about me. Funny thing is though he posted it in a blog I started more than 4 years ago (under his name because I didn't have a google account at the time) and never since updated! So, I thought I'd move the content to it's rightful place! I'm not sure I deserve all of the fabulous things he said about me, laundry for one is something I'm horrible at keeping up on and definitely complain about, but I feel so loved and blessed none-the-less.


Its my wife's birthday today (December 3rd) and I am hijacking her blog to brag about how amazing my wife is so that everyone knows. I don't brag on her as much as she deserves and she definitely deserves it way more than i give it. A little over seven years ago my wife was gullible enough to marry me. I don't know what she was thinking but her lack of judgement was my gain. My wife has always been there for me through thick and thin. She has always supported me in every aspect of life. The kind of wife that bible talks about in Proverbs 31. "A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies". How true! She was there for me through cancer, taking me in for chemo treatments and showing me love and support. She was there behind me even when i wasn't making that much money and we struggled to get by here and there with large cancer bills, never making me feel as though i couldn't provide. She always uplifts me and encourages me. She supports me as a Dad even when i make mistakes. She helps with all kinds of different church ministries, she prays for me all the time and is constantly putting the needs of her family above her own. She puts up with my forgetfulness  my messiness, my constant watching of sports, my fishing trips, no-shave November =) and stealing of the covers at night. Everyday she gets up, gets the kids ready for school, gets them breakfast, drops Micah off at daycare, makes sure Owen is on his school bus and that he has underwear on =), puts in a full workday, picks Micah up, makes sure shes there when Owen gets off the school bus,  helps the kids with their school work, does laundry, cleans the house and makes us food......sleep......repeat....sleep.....repeat.  I cant really name all the stuff she does because the list would be too long, but you get the point. I sometimes don't even realize all that she does until I'm left to do them myself, I realize just how much i appreciate everything that she does and how gracefully she does them.

Through the coarse of life things change, people change, kids change, jobs change, life situations change but having a good wife by your side through it all....There is no greater feeling in the world and God is right about a virtuous woman. What a treasure.  As i get older i grow to appreciate, love and cherish her even more as my wife and as the amazing mother of my children. Each year i ask myself what did i do to deserve the blessing of a good wife, and what would my life look like without her (I don't ever want to know).. I don't deserve it, just as i don't deserve any of the blessings God has given me. For some reason God chooses to bless. What a great God we have!

Thank you my wife for loving me, supporting me, building me up, and always being there. You are my treasure, and i have no doubt when our children are older they will rise up and call her blessed.Your Lucky Husband

KA-POW and BOO-YA

A few weeks ago, I was seriously struggling with joy. I was feeling run down, overwhelmed by the everyday-ness of life, the mundane, the exhaustion and ick of the first trimester, the moments when the kids wouldn't listen to anything I said. All of these things swirled together with the lack of time and energy I was putting into my relationship with Christ to create what felt like a grumpy little monster living inside of my heart.

Last week, I made some changes and I could feel that monster being squelched, I could feel light returning to me. My heart had a feeling of warmth in it again, magnified of course by the beautiful weather we had this weekend, and my mind felt light. Even with the continued everyday-ness of life things were feeling more manageable. What a major difference (actively) walking with the Lord can make.

I am so grateful to feel alive again, and to top it off I'm officially in the 2nd Trimester club and feel human again, yesterday I was told that I look great, I don't look or seem pregnant at all and that she could tell I was feeling great. I felt like that was the greatest compliment ever! I can't explain how healing it was to hear something other than "oh dear, you look sooooo tired" or get the loving but highly sympathetic shrug/half hug/shoulder pat. I feel alive again. Warm and light and full of God's love.

Sorry about the quality, it's off of my cell phone. 14 weeks.

Phew. Okay, as though all of that isn't enough for today's post, now that it's out of the way I want to get into the GOOD STUFF>>>>>THE GOD STUFF!

I've spoken in this place about prayer before, about how much I love being apart (even if it's such a small part) of what God is doing or about to do, through prayer. When the Lord does something that I've been praying for I just explode with a love for Him that I cannot describe. It isn't about me, or the fact that I prayed, but about Him and His goodness, His faithfulness to listen to and care about the desires of our heart. I feel humbled, awed, grateful, blessed, loved, and cherished when He moves in response to a prayer.

Yesterday, such a thing occurred. I found out that a prayer I'd been praying with increased intensity throughout the last year has been answered. My heart exploded! I couldn't keep a smile off of my face, I still can't. I just have to sing His praises for being so faithful, for having had a plan all of this time, and for bringing hope, excitement and a reminder of His goodness to this situation. It isn't about any of us and our selfish prayers or hopes and dreams, but about Him and His unending love for us. I just can't contain how much I love my Lord and how being in prayer and seeing prayers answered has increased not only my love for, but also my knowledge and understanding of just who it is I serve and therefore why I desire to serve more faithfully.

I find it a real honor when people come to me and ask for prayer, and if I say that I'm praying you can pretty much rest assured that I am and that even as I say I am or will I actually am quietly in my head. If the atmosphere is right, I might even pray right then. Again, I emphasize it isn't about me or feeling special because people turn to me, share with me, or value my prayers, it's about enjoying being used by the Lord through prayer. It's about wanting to touch someone else's life with God's love and faithfulness and showing them how good and deserving He is to bless us and care for us who are so undeserving.

I'm not sure if I'm making any sense, but I'm tearing up just thinking about it, so it's got to be good on some level!

So, this morning the Lord just went "KAPOW" and caused another explosion in my heart, He had yet another "conversation" with me about this amazing gift of prayer that He has given to us, and just floored me. I am so humbled to have been such a small part of something that is so so so big to someone else, so big in fact that it's the size of an 8 or 9 month pregnant belly.

 As I was walking into the doctors office this morning for my 14 week appointment I saw this obviously pregnant woman coming towards me, I vaguely recognized her and immediately smiled and said hi. She eagerly said hi back and stops and says "do you remember me?" I told her I did but I couldn't quite place her, smiling ever politely. She say's "from the bank." I immediately knew, of course I knew her, I'd prayed very passionately for her for about a month. I smiled big and said "Oh yes of course! How are you?"

This is where I'm floored. Where I nearly had to pick my jaw up off of the floor.

"I'm really good, I just had to tell you, you prayed for me once, that I would get pregnant, and I did, I am. He'll be here with us in just a few weeks, so I had to say Thank you."

BOO-YA

I just gushed. I pulled her in for a huge hug, my hand shot up in the air in praise, I congratulated her, I just gushed and gushed.

I'm not sure what her circumstances were, and don't remember specifically praying that she could get pregnant but I do clearly recall praying that her and her husband would be able to have more kids. Regardless of what I actually prayed, she sees God's prayers answered, and the Lord knew/knows way more about this family and their specific needs, perfect timing than I do. I'm just so blessed to know that God did something ginormous for them, and that in the process He was able to use me as a light.

God is so good friends. Is there something that has been burdening you? A prayer you have been waiting for an answer on for awhile? A situation you just aren't sure about? Don't give up hope, don't lack faith, or worry unnecessarily, the Lord with bless, in His great and perfect timing, He will make Himself known to you, and bless your stinking socks off!

This verses sums up this entire blog post in all of 23 words.

 "Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Romans 12:11-12