Monday, January 28, 2013

The Muddied Waters

Today I'm struggling, with an inward battle.
It's one I've faced before,
and I'm sure will face again.

It could be called a battle,
or perhaps a balancing act.

Trusting oneself, vs. the world around them.
Unnecessarily fearing something, vs. ignoring a warning.

One source says this,
another that.
One direction results in this,
or that, while the other results in that,
or maybe this.

Do I want the this more than the that?
Is risking this, for that, worth the risk?

It's like walking a tightrope across muddied waters.

Directed by a slew of voices.
Which one is right?
Which direction do I follow?

Then I hear it,
that still small voice that says,
"Remain calm. Pray about it. Trust Me."

And so I do.
Or I try, for a moment or two.

Then I remember the Lord gave me intuition.
And the internet.
A husband, and a phone call that didn't go as planned.
He gave me friends.
Friends who have experiences,
wisdom gained,
through unimaginable pain.

 The tears together we weep.

I stop a moment to ponder.
Beauty in things.
Friends. Journeys. Confusion.
We were not meant to travel this world alone.

Then my mind resumes again.
I remember my intuition,
my body, the internet,
my husband, the phone call,
and friends.
And the waters are muddied again.

Each possibly a tool from the Lord,
each sending my mind, and heart in a different direction.

Keep resting, keep breathing, be still.
He's there.
In the stillness, there is peace.
In the quiet He speaks.

One thing I know,
is that He did not give me fear.

So I cast that off, and put on Truth.
I wait, and pray, and trust.

The waters may be muddied from here,
where I stand, on my tight rope balancing the different
directions thrown at me, but from heaven,
where my father stands,
those waters are perfectly clear.
And His hand, is ready, to hold me, to lead me.


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