If The Bible Is Like Apple, Then Proverbs Is Like The iPhone

I don't have an iPhone, so I don't have an iPhone, but I still know all about the apps. I can't even count how many times I've found myself saying "really? There's an app for that?" in the last year or so. It seems like things have gotten a bit out of hand, I mean any question, problem, inconvenience, or entertainment need could be met instantly with a shiny iPhone.



If Adam has a window to earth from heaven I'd bet he's thinking "Man, where was that when I was naming the animals" or Eve might say "That contraction counter app might have come in handy when I was delivering my babies." Did you know there is an app called "The Booty Call" for tracking ovulation? Eve didn't need that though! The Lord made her plenty fertile enough as it was, could you imagine being in charge of populating the whole earth? Phew, glad that wasn't me! Jesting, jesting.

Alright, getting back on track, this afternoon I was picking up a Strawberry Lime Chiller from Sonic and pondering a Facebook status I'd posted a few weeks ago, about how it is emotionally satisfying and thus one of my future (if we decide to have anymore) children might end up with the name in honor of this delight I feel when I drink it. SO I was thinking on the concept of food having an emotional connection and I thought to myself I bet there's a Proverb for that! So was the birth of this post.

I realize I could broaden it and say a verse, implying any verse from the Bible, but I've decided the Bible is like the company, there are many other good products within it (which my husband will beg to differ as he is not a Mac man) but Proverbs (for the purpose of this blog) is the iPhone it's the source of the most one or two line punches, the apps, that pertain to everyday life.

Ok, so clearly I went a little overboard, but I could go on. Want to wear inappropriate clothes? Need to discipline your child? Tempted to stray? Need wisdom? Need  kindness? Turn to the book of Proverbs there is bound to be something that will salve your temptation, clear your mind, give you direction or just cheer you up. I love the man, or collection of men, who wrote this book. Seriously, comedy like no other.

Buying a house? There's a proverb for that...
"By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures." - 24:3-4

Mother's always right? There's a proverb for that...
"Do not forsake your mother's teaching. They will be a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck." - 1:8b-9

Making bad decisions? There's a proverb for that...
"Since they hated knowledge and did not choose to fear the Lord, since they would not accept my advice and spurned my rebuke, they will eat the fruit of their ways and be filled with the fruit of their schemes." - 1:29-31

Listening to God? There's a proverb for that...
But whoever listens to me will live in safety and be at ease, without fear of harm." - 1:33
and...
"Listen to my instruction and be wise; do not ignore it." - 8:33

Staying married for 35, 50 or 75 years? There's a proverb for that...
"Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart" - 3:3
and... 
"Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well." - 5:15

Having Nightmares? There's a proverb for that...
"When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet." - 3:24

Restoring your body? There's a proverb for that...
"Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body, and nourishment to your bones." - 3:7-8
and...
"A generous man will prosper, he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed." -11:25

PMS? There's a proverb for that...
"Do not accuse a man for no reason--when he has done you no harm". - 3:30

Feeling lazy? There's a proverb for that...
"Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider its ways and be wise! It has no commander, no overseer or ruler, yet it stores its provisions in summer and gathers its food at harvest. How long will you lie there, you sluggard? When will you get up from your sleep?" - 6:6-9
and...
"A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest and poverty will come on you like a bandit and scarcity like an armed man." - 6:10-11

Tempted to swear? There's a proverb for that...
"Listen, for I have worthy things to say; I open my lips to speak what is right. My mouth speaks what is true, for my lips detest wickedness" -8:6-7
and...
"All the words of my mouth are just; none of them is crooked or perverse."

Following or believing in God? There's a proverb for that...
"Blessed is the man who listens to me, watching daily at my doors, waiting at my doorway. For whoever finds me finds life and receives favor from the Lord. But whoever fails to find me harms himself; all who hate me love death." - 8:34-36
and...
"For whoever finds me finds life and receives favor from the Lord. But whoever fails to find me harms himself; all who hate me love death." - 8:36

Being a good wife? There's a proverb for that...
"A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones." - 12:4
and...
"A kindhearted woman gains respect, but ruthless men gain only wealth." - 11:16

Know a hypocrite? There's a proverb for that... 
A prudent man keeps his knowledge to himself, but the heart of fools blurts out folly." 12:23

Watching the Bachelorette? There's a proverb for that...
"Though his speech is charming, do not believe him, for seven abominations fill his heart. His malice may be concealed by deception, but his wickedness will be exposed in the assembly." - 26:25-26

Need a laugh? There's a proverb for that...
"The eye that micks a father, that scorns obedience to a mother, will be pecked out by the ravens of the valley, will be eaten by the vultures." - 30:17
and..
If you have played the fool and exalted yourself, or if you have planned evil, clap your hand over your mouth! For as churning of milk produces butter, and as twisting the nose produces blood, so stirring up anger produces strife." -30:32-33
and...
"If a man digs a pit, he will fall into it; if a man rolls a stone, it will roll back on him." 26:27 LMBO
"An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips." - 24:26 Awe.

Note: Posting this the same day my sister got an iPhone is clearly coincidence, I've been thinking about writing a post about the comic timing in Proverbs all week and this juxtaposition came to me this afternoon, but not because now she has a pretty new iPhone :) SO excited to be rid of the "stupid button."