The Key to New Years Resolutions and a BOLD Lifestyle Change

The day before New Years Eve, my husband and I sat down and wrote/talked out our priorities and goals for 2012. I used the guidelines that Crystal over at Money Saving Mom posted here. The process was very thorough and allowed for us to talk about all facets of our lives, which my husband of course loved.

Source: mth2011.tumblr.com via Teresa on Pinterest

I plan to publish these goals in their own page and then update you periodically on my/our progress, much like I attempted to do with my 101 Goals in 1001 Days list that disappeared into cyber space a few months in. {{sob}}

I think it's pretty clear that the attraction to starting new goals, resolutions, (lifestyle changes, setting new priorities, or whatever you want to call them) on January first is because the new year is a blank slate. It's refreshing to wake up and know that there are 365 days left, that it's the beginning. A breath of fresh air, a chance to start anew, forget the pain and failures of the year before and focus on what is to come. Your hopes, dreams, and motivations aren't yet polluted by frustrations, closed doors, broken hearts, or failures. 

Source: etsy.com via Teresa on Pinterest

The underlying motivation behind each of our goals this year is to be more intentional. Intentional about reading, praying, seeking the Lords council, and ditching lazy bad habits (ie fast food inhalation and couch potato-itis).

Reflecting on 2011 we both felt like there was a lack of growth on our parts, spiritually, emotionally, and physically (growth/loss same difference). I believe we both grew, but not as much as we would have hoped, as we think the Lord would have had us grow. There are still some parental achievements, financial goals, and personal accomplishments we'd like to conquer. During our brainstorming session we talked about where we would like to be, we prayed for strength, renewal and motivation. We prayed for what is to come, the future choices we make and our desires to be better.

However, in my bible reading this morning (yeah, one of my goals!) I found this verse:

Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord.  - Acts 3:19

Isn't that the perfect New Years verse? I realize it is referring to ultimate salvation, that first decision we have all made to put down our worldly desires and follow Christ, but doesn't this stand to be revisited on a daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly basis?

The world is all around us. Temptations are everywhere. Food we shouldn't eat in excess, couches we shouldn't wear holes in, things we shouldn't envy, social networks we shouldn't abuse, tv we shouldn't idolize, vices we shouldn't utilize, are practically unavoidable.

When I read this verse, I felt a jolt through my heart. An instant realization that while we spent a lot of time talking about what we want to achieve and why, we wont succeed, we wont feel the refreshing from the Lord, if we do not confess to the things that have kept us from accomplishing these goals this far. Repentance is the key to keeping our resolutions, the key to success. If we don't repent and turn away from the things that have unnecessary holds on us, it's only a matter of time before we fail. Miserably. Again.

I don't kneel in prayer often, I love that I can pray anywhere eyes open or shut, but this morning I did. I humbled myself before the Lord and bowed before my King in confession for being useless (essentially). During my confession, I felt a strong pull, a clear conviction, to cut out watching television on week nights.

Woah where did that come from? It certainly wasn't from me. This is something that I've thought about before, but not in a serious manner. Oh if only I didn't watch this junk or I can't believe I spent 8 hours watching tv this week and not doing x, y or z, but never really thinking I'd give it up.

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In November, I started actively striving to achieve a personal goal, a passion of mine, and realized the only way I can do this is to wake up before the world, at 5:30 AM to be precise. Then I have solitude, and my mind is pure, unaffected by the stresses of life or influences of the world. But to get up at 5:30, I need to be in bed no later than 10:00, but my favorite shows, the ones I like the most-most-most, end at 11:00. This made me think more seriously about cutting out TV during the week, but it's easier to watch TV than get up at 5:30 so I tried doing both and only made it about 3 weeks before hitting a wall.

But here we are, in the beginning of January, in the wee hours of 2012, staring at that refreshing blank slate that gives artists something to draw on and dreamers time to dream. I'm recommitting to focus on my goal, not for me, but for the Lord, because I believe He wants to see me bring it to completion, that He has been waiting on me for some time now. I don't want to keep Him waiting.

I'm sharing this with you, not to say "look at what I am doing" but to tell you openly and honestly where I struggle. Television in and of itself can be okay, but most of the shows on it are trash. Lets be honest, the main story lines that I spend my time watching (unwittingly investing in) involve meaningless relationships, murder, revenge, and the quest for great financial gain or fame. I wouldn't call myself a television junky or addict by any means but it's an easy form of entertainment, it's mindless and I've been turning to it increasingly more lately for relaxation.

Our pastors message on Sunday was timely and eye opening. He referenced 1 Corinthians 10:31 "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." Is it God honoring for me to waste so much time watching things that coherently challenge and go against each and every moral value that I hold dear and strive to live for? Not as regularly as I do, not when I know I should be going to bed early and rising before the sun to spend time with my Lord and working on a project He has given me the talents to complete.

I'm not sharing this for any recognition from others, or to convince or convict anyone else, but to share about how the Lord is working on me, and to admit that I'm going to finally make a change. I'm going to try and be faithful to Him in obedience. I will be cutting out all television beginning at 6:00 PM on Sunday's until 6:00 PM on Friday's. 

I've not yet worked through how long of a commitment this needs to be, definitely until my project is completed, most certainly not less than 3 months, but perhaps less than 6? I guess I will let the Lord work on me, steer me and lead me in where He wants to take me in this. In an effort to share full disclosure, we have a DVR and so I do plan to tape a few of my favorite shows to watch on Friday or Saturday evenings. However, it is my thought, and hope, that while I'll be taping them, over time, their pull on me will in fact decrease. As has my desire to watch NCIS this season (we tape that so Brian and I can watch Tim Allen's show together, but I haven't followed up and watched a single missed episode of NCIS, so there you have it).

Source: couragehopestrength.tumblr.com via Teresa on Pinterest

I owe much of this ambition to Heather from A Mom Without Facebook, while the goal in and of itself is different, the meaning, and intentions behind the goals are the same. I'm encouraged by her will power and strength to go a year without Facebook and all that she has learned about herself along the way. It is my prayer that I can be so strong, in my goal to be less of a time waster and more of a doer for Christ.

To help hold myself accountable I will be blogging on this semi regularly, to let you know how I am doing on my goal and share what I'm learning about myself along the way. I will also create a button for my home page to remind me of my commitment, please feel free to grab it and show me your support, or use it to help you make a commitment of your own.

If your visiting from Money Saving Mom I want to thank you for stopping by, I hope you'll leave a comment and join me on this journey by following my blog!

God Bless.

Christmas HodgePodge

Linking up today with From This Side of the Pond for HodgePodge Wednesday. I peruse them occasionally and think they are fun, but never manage to follow through with writing one of my own. I thought this would be a fun way to share some quick facts and quips about myself and our upcoming Christmas.

1. Are you cooking Christmas dinner? How many will be round your table this year? What are we having?

Yes. Brian and I are butting heads a little though, because I grew up with Christmas Dinner being on Christmas Eve and Christmas day was for a fancy breakfast and then we traveled. He keeps telling me I'm making a turkey and I'm doing it on Christmas, but this just feels unnatural to me! I'm already a little like a fish out of water as at 31 this will be my first ever Christmas day (and my 3rd ever Christmas morning/Christmas Eve) where I'm not with my parents.

We aren't going to my folks because we have the privileged and honor of having my mother in law and brother in law coming to spend Christmas with us in our new house! So our table will be 4 adults and my 2 rug rats!

2. What is one must-have Christmas cookie in your house?

No bake and Chocolate Chip. Oh, and I'll have to make some Forgotten Cookies too, because they remind me of my Grandpa Egan. Not necessarily that they are Christmas cookies but because I so rarely make cookies, Christmas is a good excuse.

Oh and those green Christmas wreath treats mmmmm :)






3. Santa likes a glass of milk with his cookies-do you? What kind of milk is on tap at your house-skim, almond, soy, full fat (Gasp!)

I never cared much. In fact in highschool our library youth leader got us all eating Oreo's with Mountain Dew, but when I was pregnant with Owen I started liking milk with my Oreo's and now I like it with all cookies, it's the only milk I really drink. True story. We keep skim in the house for my husband and children.

4. Time magazine recently named its Person of the Year for 2011. This is the person the editors believe has had the greatest impact, for better or worse, in the past year. This year they chose 'The Protester'. Your thoughts? Who would you name person of the year for 2011?

I don't even know who "The Protester" is, I suppose I could click the link above and find out, but why bother? I'm sure I wont agree.

I'm going to steal CiCi's answer on this one because it's dead on. Tim Tebow. It's encouraging and inspiring to see a public figure wear his faith on his sleeve. It's amazing that every interview he gives he talks about how football is a platform for him to be able to better serve his Lord, to increase his charity and bring light to the mission work his parents did/do. Do I believe he wins football games because he prays? Um, it's probably a lot more complicated than that, he's not the only player who believes in the Lord, but I do believe the Lord is using him, and his fame because Tebow is willing to be used.




And I may or may not be trying to convince my children they are Tebow fans.

There is a website called Tebowing where people post pictures of themselves mimicking Tebow's prayer pose, sure some of it is hype, but I believe at least some of those people are truly praying in their pictures.





Love this one! Love love love love love. So funny. So true.

And I may or may not be slightly tempted to spend the insane amount of money to buy a Tebowing Fat Head sticker for our basement.



The Tebow Train has also gotten me to watch football, read articles on ESPN and watch recaps and other video clips. If you know me then you might agree that, it might not be a far cry to say that if Tebow has gotten me to watch enjoy football maybe he's persuaded a few non-believers to Christ. Just saying.

5. December 21st is National Flashlight Day...when was the last time you needed a flashlight? Did you know right where to find one?

Seriously? We just talked about this last week, we do not currently have one. Eeek.

6. candy canes...yum or yuck?

Flavored candy canes, yum. I used to love peppermint ones, but when I was pregnant with Owen peppermint made me sneeze, a lot, so now I only can stand it in moderation. I do however love those chewy candy cane candy's each Christmas.



Hmm, Owen seems to have made a significant, long term impact on my taste buds and preferences, huh.

7. What Christmas carol lyric means the most to you?



Source: dearlillieblog.blogspot.com via Dawn on Pinterest


When I hear this song, my mind slows down, and my spirit breaths and awakens deep within my heart. It brings me complete peace, joy, and contentment.

8. Insert your own random thought here.

What a unique Christmas we are having. Last night we hosted Brian's immediate family (dad's side) and on Christmas we'll have his moms side, then just before new years we will host my family. Three Christmas celebrations, in our new home.

What a blessing it was last night to be gathered in our own living room, watching the cousins play together, and enjoy their presents. I'm afraid people might have thought I was mad because I was so quiet, but I was just taking it all in, enjoying every second of their company, of this new home that we enjoy showing off and spending time in. We get to do it two more times with the rest of our families, our loved ones. Celebrating our saviors birth by giving to others, not just gifts, but the gift of entertaining them.

There may be a few spare posts in the next few weeks, but I don't have anything specific planned, (not that I ever do, I sort of just blog by the seat of my pants, but for this space, that works) so in case we don't meet again, I hope and pray you have a blessed and safe Christmas and bright New Year.

A Clip From "Baking with Molly and Tia"

Margaret: "Hi, I'm Molly,"
Teresa: "And I'm Tia,"
Stereo: "And your watching Baking with Molly and Tia"
Teresa: "Today we will be making our favorite, chocolate chip cookies."
Margaret: "Have you ever wondered how to make them melt in your mouth perfect? Well, we will show you, step by step. we will tell you all of our secrets."
Stereo: "Right after a word from our sponsors."
(Cheesy smile, camera's fade out)
Cut to: Teresa standing at the kitchen table with a bottle of Miracle Whip, making a sandwich. Slowly she spreads the mayo on and assembles the sandwich. Finally she lifts it up and takes a bite. "Mmmmm now that's a sandwich."
Enter from left stage Margaret acting like the energizer bunny "She keeps going, and going, and going." Margaret exits right stage and Teresa looks after her confused.
(Camera fades in on kitchen counter)
Margaret: "Our first tip is to always use Nestle Toll House Morsels."
Teresa: "That's right Molly, Nestle's chocolate chips are much much much better."
Margaret: "Much. If you stick with us you will also learn how to increase the vanilla, melt the sugars, and..."
Teresa: "Make a double batch without running out of chocolate chips."

...

A familiar scene my best friend and I replayed over and over again as young girls. For as far back as I can remember we would do this, making chocolate chip cookies, pretending to be filming our own cooking show (Molly and Tia also co-hosted a craft series and interior decorating series), staying up late into the night, laughing, "re-shooting", making up commercials and funny outtakes, at our sleep overs. I don't know how she did it, but her mother (the mother of 5 children, 4 boys, 1 girl, and me) always had a never ending supply of Nestle chocolate morsels awaiting our cookie making desires.

Every time I make chocolate chip cookies I think about these moments, these treasured memories of a friendship that we thought would transcend time. Life has taken us in different directions, but the holidays, the cookies, always bring me back to thinking about that girl. My ten year old friend, her long natural blond hair, her voice, laugh, and smile, but also about her best friend, my ten year old self.

Today I realized my ten year old self might hate me just a little, for my frugal purchase of off brand chips, and the careful attention I paid to making smaller than small cookies so the dough would go farther, she'd also be shocked to discover it took me 4.5 months in my new house to realize having a double oven would make cookie making go faster. Oh but how those ten year olds would love my kitchen, the window, the counter space, and of course the double oven.

Over the years I've had other cookie friends, in high school I'd make cut outs with one friend in particular for every holiday, I hardly ever make cut outs now, they are too specifically associated with this friendship, that I dearly miss. I love how things like cookies, music, or certain clothes, pictures can bring back strong memories that you thought were long lost. I love reflecting on who I was, and whom I have become. I'm so grateful for the friendships I once had, those that have faded as time has taken us to different states, stages in life, and family values.

I think I'd make more cookies, now as an adult, if I had a cookie friend.

The Beauty of Babysitters

Last weekend we hired a babysitter, with two small children this has become an increasingly familiar task. Each time I pick one up, or pay her at the end of the night I think to myself, I used to do that.

Before I was a mother, I was a babysitter, before I was a babysitter I was babysat.

Let's face it, I'm getting old. It's harder to recall specific conversations or events that took place with my friends or my sisters, I'm even getting lax in mentally recording every word I've ever said to my husband (in case he forgets!). My memories of middle school are all but gone (perhaps intentionally blocked?), memories of high school are fading fast, and even college memories are becoming a bit hazy. So it's surprising to me that there are a handful of memories, moments, people, who are frozen in my mind, who have not drifted off or faded away.

I can still remember my first favorite babysitter, Blair. She had gorgeous long black hair, she was our next door neighbor, and only had brothers. Our families were friends so maybe that's why I remember her so well, but I can clearly recall just her me and Claire sitting in our basement family room at our first house. I can remember asking her about her boyfriends, playing barbies and coloring with her. I can even recall her jeans and a warm chunky off white sweater she wore once. At some point they moved away, and several years later she got married. At her wedding she showed true joy of seeing me again, she said there was no way I could be so old, I was still her little girl, she made me feel important, beautiful, special.

I remember her because she left an impact on me. So, if that is true, why can I remember the families I babysat for so well?

I babysat a lot in high school. Most of my friends had jobs by the time they were sophomores or at least the summer after, but I was kept afloat by babysitting until the middle of my senior year, and even a few summers in college. Even then I had a love for children, and a weak spot for little girls that led to my desire to have a daughter of my own one day (I'm sure God had a good chuckle when I made those plans). There were several families over the years, but two in particular, 7 kids in all, really stand out as being special.

The Warwicks and the Rices. Each for different reasons, each with different activities. I remember rocking the youngest two Rice children to sleep (at different times) and looking down at their sweet precious faces. I would hold them longer than necessary, let them sleep in my arms while I quietly watched reruns on Nick at Night. I remember making ghosts out of tissues to decorate the Warwick home for Halloween on my first time babysitting them. Laying on the floor reading them stories. I remember playing dinosaurs and sports with the oldest boys and watching princess movies with the girls.

I remember the smiles, hugs, and laughter when I would walk through the doors. I remember the "Teresa can we..." that rang through the homes as the parents said their goodbyes. I remember dolling out time outs, wiping away tears, picking up playrooms, changing dirty diapers, making meals, and feeling at peace. Even with four kids under the age of five. Even with two wild toddlers and an infant.

{{{Can I get some of that peace back? That wild confidence, joy and contentment? It would really help with raising my own two children!}}}

Part of the reason I can remember them so clearly is because babysitting gave me a sense of purpose. Making the kids happy, being their favorite was a high honor, I enjoyed coming up with things to do to excite them and impress their parents. The other part of why they are so dear to me, is because of their parents. These four adults, above the rest, took an interest in me. I remember talking about my life with them, them offering to pray for me and my mother. I can recall their warm voices as they called asking me if I was available, and their generosity around the holidays. I looked forward to being picked up and dropped off almost as much as I looked forward to seeing the kids.

These adults knew that I was still young, responsible and yet impressionable, and they poured into me respect and love. I remember being told I was the first person they called, or once at church when Mrs. Warwick and my mother had to go upfront the husband found me afterwards and said "I was so worried because I didn't know where the baby was, then I saw you holding him and I relaxed knowing he was in good hands."

So now, here I am an adult. The one hiring babysitters, the one responsible for two little ones of my own and finding them quality sitters. We've had many good sitters over the years, but right now we are blessed with two wonderful sitters (and one up and coming! If she lived closer she'd be hooked already), our go to girls, who the boys love so much. Who we adore.

Not the greatest pictures but here I am with both of our current go to girls
(right next to me) and one whose already gone on and is almost done with college!

Again, this picture is two years old, but these are my sweet girls, together. 

Two young Christian women, swimming their way through the awkward and confusing high school years. Every time I have them over, I make sure to spend a little more time with them than I think is necessary, lingering before or after their services are required. Asking questions about their lives, taking an interest in things they are interested in. Hugging them, and nurturing them the way I was hugged and nurtured. Encouraging them, the way I was encouraged.

I wasn't blessed with daughters of my own, but I've had the honor of having two much younger sisters, babysitting for many beautiful little darlings, and now all of my dearest friends have little girls, and we have babysitters. So many opportunities to pour into the lives of these young ones, pray for them, be the "aunt" my moms best friends, and the roll models/the encourage-ers Mrs. Warwick and Mrs. Rice were to me.

Top: My sisters. Bottom: My sons and  my nieces

That my friends, is beauty and privileged that I don't want to take for granted.

Baby Brag Session

If I try really hard, I can vaguely remember a time in my early adulthood when hearing women brag and drone on about their children drove me absolutely insane. Vaguely. ;)

No, seriously. I remember wondering what was so special about a six month old splashing in the bathtub or a two year old singing a cute song.

{Note: The time this stands out the most, was during our engagement. So, naturally I was obsessed with nothing but wedding talk, and therefore probably drove all the mothers insane talking about nothing but my wedding plans}

But, now I have kids and I magically understand it. They are part of you, they become your entire world.

I do try, to be sensitive to those without children and make an effort to talk about other things, other aspects of life, other blessings. When my girlfriends that I get together with every month, we all make a conscious effort to talk about a spectrum of things, not just our adorable fledglings.

But I can see the attraction, I now understand that passion and desire to brag and brag and brag.

So, this is your warning, if hearing about my children isn't your cup of tea, or if your feeling all children-ed out tonight, well then, this post isn't for you. Thanks for stopping by, hope to see you again soon!

Owen really surprised me tonight. As we were driving home from daycare today he started talking to me really quietly. This is how our conversation went.

Owen: "Mom, I have something that I think I have to tell you."
Me: "Ok."
O: "One time, when I was using your computer, and sitting at the table."
Me: "I can't hear you bud, speak up"
O: "I was eating macaroni and cheese while using your computer. I'm not supposed to eat while on your computer but I was anyway."
Me: "When were you doing this?" I asked even though I thought I knew.
O: "When Linnea was watching me."
Me: "What do you think about the fact that you did that?"
O: "That I'm sorry."

I went on to tell him the reasoning behind the rule that he can't eat while on my computer. Have you ever tried to confess a mistake to someone? It's hard work. It's very hard to admit you did something wrong and know that it's possible you could get into trouble. But Owen did it, and I'm so proud of him. So glad that he's beginning to understand what it means to be responsible. Now if only that responsibility would transfer into better listening skills.

He has also been doing an amazing job, remembering the bible verses we have been trying to teach him, and in just a few weeks has memorized the first several books of the old testament.

He has been a good big brother lately too, aside from trying to hoard all of the toys, he makes sure that Micah doesn't eat anything with peanut butter or eggs (allergies) in it and alerts us immediately when "Danger Mom! Micah's ..." Love his protective instincts.

Micah's language is absolutely exploding. Usually when he's strapped into his big boy chair he just starts repeating "out" and "mom" but tonight he turned around after squirming for a few minutes and said "Mom let me out please."
That's like a legit sentence with parts of speech and everything.

I can't believe how much they are starting to look alike, and look up to their dad.

Ok, well it's bed time, so your spared anymore gushing.

Have a great night!

Change

Change can be subtle or dramatic,

temporary or permanent,

predictable or unexpected.

It can whisper it's way into your life 

as unnoticed as the leaves changing colors, 

or barge in like the uninvited house guest

and make itself at home on your clean sofa. 

It can feel like the fleeting excitement

and joy surrounding a fling with summer,

or the lasting pain that freezes itself 

into a mothers broken heart. 

It can be magical 

like snow on Christmas morning, 

or deceiving like blue skies that open up

and rain on your wedding day. 

We expect life to be altered when we

graduate high school, get married, have children. 

Often we overlook the impact friendships

gained or lost during these times will leave. 

A new look or style could be more 

than a new cut or shirt,

but the signs of a maturing mind, 

a healing heart, or personal acceptance. 

Death, illness and injury can leave wrinkles

so distinct that looking back you can plainly see 

the difference between who you were before and after. 

Support, laughter and prayers can leave beauty marks

so evident that others will clearly see 

for years to come. 

Change is unique to the individual,

life altering, constant,

inevitable. 

My worst enemy 

and my greatest asset.

I wouldn't be who I am today,

believe what I do,

trust so completely,

grieve so compassionately,

or live so fully 

without the changes 

that have molded and shaped me.

The pain that has taught my how to cry,

the friends who have showed me how to laugh,

the faith that helps me do these simultaneously,

are irrerplaceable. 

Change shall not define me, 

but point to the One who does. 

"Life isn't fair" My Response to The Heart of Christmas

I know it's late people, but I really love my dear bloggy friend Sarah over at Racing Towards Joy and want to participate in her Sunday link up, but that means I have to write something, and the rules clearly state no pictures allowed so I have to come up with my inspiration on my own. Oy vey. A challenge. If you are a regular lurker around these parts then you've probably noticed my well has been dry the last few weeks. 

This is because life is too good to be true. I wanted to write a post on Micah's birthday (just before Thanksgiving) but the day before was the birthday of a little girl Sofia, born one day before Micah John who died a year ago Wednesday. How could I write a post on my sons birthday that my friend Felicia might read, and not see as trite. How could I find words to express how wonderfully blessed I am, and not be completely insensitive to her pain. Even if she never read the words I wrote in this space. 

I wanted to write a post another day, the day I attended the funeral of a 43 year old son to one of the pastors of the Association I work for. The pastor and his wife are good acquaintances of mine, I see them at 3 or 4 functions a year, their smiles light up a room, his voice is booming and full of Christs comfort. It broke my heart the way they hugged me as I filtered through with the crowd supporters. She held onto my shoulder and squeezed tightly and sobbed for a moment longer than I would have expected. I cannot imagine the pain they have been feeling. My sadness for them has been all but forgotten, it's waned away as the day's have passed and our paths have not. But they don't have that luxury. They immediately, days after the funeral, had to turn around and face the holiday season. 

What do you write after hearing one of the most influential christian women roll models in your life confess she's afraid to pray? She's struggling to trust her prayers because her seven years worth of prayers for a miracle healing for her daughter had ended in her going home to be with the Lord. A woman whom I know through her testimonies and watching her strength and faith, her peace and survival through some of the greatest trials I can imagine. A woman who doesn't realize how significantly her families trial and walk through that trial has shaped and molded my faith because we've only talked a couple dozen times. 

That's just three examples, but there have been several others. Tragedy's that are two or three steps removed from me and my family, that make me feel a million times more blessed and yet deeply affected, saddened, burdened. There aren't enough hours in the day to pray for the people who need miracles, blessings, and strength or peace. And yet, most of my day floats by without intentional prayer. I walk through my day laughing or yelling at my kids, cooking or cleaning in my kitchen, working, living. 

I just watched The Heart of Christmas on GMC a movie that I highly recommend, if you like Christian tear jerkers, and it brought all of these second-hand tragedies and their impact on my life together in a dramatic volcanic emotional response. 

My mother always used to tell me "Life isn't fair." I hated it when she said that! Hated how it always came off like some sorry consolation for the fact that Claire got her ears pierced 3 years before me, for being unable to try out for volleyball due to a broken arm, for my best friend moving to South Carolina, for having to eat Monkey Bread on Christmas morning every. single. year. That phrase is still lame, it doesn't even begin to encompass what I'm feeling, and yet it does. But now, in this grown up world I realize I'm on the other end of that fair. 

I've written about this before, more or less, but it's really been a significant part of my year. Realizing how blessed I am, and wanting to do more for others, a part of growing up I suppose. Watching the Heart of Christmas has reaffirmed my desire to be more intentional about the moments in my life. Letting the little things roll of my shoulders and not affecting me, believing the best about my husband and children and enjoying them more. Praying more fervently for those friends I mentioned above and the many others I've been saddened for this month. 

I don't want to forget to trust the Lord, to lean on Him, even now when things are good. To be IN His presence because I can be, and because when the time comes for us to walk through another trial, I want to be ready. My faith strong, my life having been fully enjoyed, my relationship with the Lord not just familiar but in full stride. 

31 Random Birthday Thoughts

It's been awhile since I've written something worthy of posting, my mind has been all kinds of everywhere the last few weeks. So today I thought I'd share a few random Birthday thoughts for you. Not sure how this will turn out but lets have some fun, shall we?

1. Now that I have children I realize Birthdays really would be impossible without momma's. I don't have a picture on my computer of me as a newborn in my mommy's arms, but I do have this picture of us at our wedding day and one of her holding her first grandchild.

2. My mother tells me that she was watching Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer when they wheeled her back to deliver me. 

3. The very same version my kids were watching when this picture was taken earlier this week. 

4. That's not a Christmas tree up in my living room before Dec 4th is it??? No, it couldn't be. Ehem.

5. My mother had a rule that we couldn't celebrate Christmas until after my Birthday, she was adamant about it. For as long as I can remember.

6.My sister once called me after we'd both moved out, making sure it would be ok if she decorated early!

7. The first time I broke this rule was the day Micah was born. I knew he was due on Thanksgiving and family was coming, so I thought my house would look cleaner with the tree up.

8. Deep cleaning, furniture rearranging, and setting up Christmas (while your husband watches the Ohio State game) is a really great way to induce labor. FYI.

9. Now that Micah is a November baby his birthday has now taken the Christmas rule. I'm really not that important anymore, but he is. So anytime after November 21st is fair game, preferably the day or two days after Thanksgiving.

10. N E Way back to my birth. I was apparently trouble. I didn't want to make things easy on my parents. Can we say emergency cesarean and asking the next of kin who they want the doctors to save???

11. Thanks be to the Lord that both my mother and I survived.

12. Though I can't say the same for the anesthesiologist who answered my mothers question of if I have all my fingers and toes with "I'm not at liberty to say." What kind of idiot would say that to a new mother?

13. I do, by the way. Have all ten fingers and all ten toes, and am otherwise completely perfect. ;)

14. When I was 14 years old, I was a completely different person than the woman I am today. I was SUPER shy, very timid, worried about a lot of stuff, and extremely responsible.

15. That's the year I broke my shoulder and couldn't play volleyball and started my period. Not sure why, but those two statements go together in my mind.

16. It's also about the time I got interested in Creative Writing, though my high school English teachers would probably be shocked into a coma to discover I majored in English in college :P

17. My mom knew how to throw a birthday party. I had this one where we had a fashion show. It was super fun, Mimi won and that made me sad, I wanted to win. But apparently I had to learn a lesson about letting others win.

18. I also had several fondue parties, in fact I think I chose fondue over Birthday cake a few times. Marshmallows and chocolate, who can resist?

19. I even had a Gorilla-Gram one year where a giant Gorilla came to my birthday party and gave me balloons and a hug. I'm glad I don't have that picture on my computer because I don't think anyone bothered to brush my hair back then. Ever.

20. By the time I was twenty, I already knew my husband, I just didn't know it yet.

Owen took this picture and said "Mom I took a picture of your wedding, want to see it?" 

21. Though I probably did, in my heart. Or rather I hoped it!

22. Micah doesn't say "Happy Birthday" he says "Birthday too you!" I like his way better.

23. My husband and the boys were in charge of making me a birthday cake.

This is the kind of cake you get when you have a two year old who starts eating it before it's even out of the pan. The happiest Birthday cake I've ever had :) 

24. OOOO Heres' a good one. A couple years ago I wanted to start the Birthday Cake to Jesus tradition in our home, but I really wanted a specific cake. Not a changing cake each year. I wanted one cake that we only ever made just for Jesus. I debated and went around in circles, what would be perfect. I looked at tons of recipes and finally put it in my husbands hands. He came home with a white cake and white frosting. "I figured we could do white because Jesus was perfect."

25. I thought he was BRILLIANT. I couldn't believe how easily he'd come up with that. I'd gone from "maybe something simple" because Jesus wouldn't have been materialistic to "maybe something extravagant" because He is our King and a king is worthy of something complicated, expensive and fabulous on his birthday.

26. So for a few years now I've been marveling at my husbands intuitive ability to come up with the perfect cake. Until last night he panicked because we didn't have a cake mix and he was like "I don't know how" so he went to the store and bought a cake mix and frosting.

27. A white cake mix and white frosting. "I didn't know what you'd like, so I just got Vanilla. Is that okay?"  Smile. I like white cake best, so I'm totally okay. But did anyone else see what I'd missed a few years ago? White is his go to cake mix, his safety net, and the "Jesus is white as snow" just happened to fit perfectly. :P

28. My cake is pink. Really really really pink. I spend my entire year taking care of three boys. I wrestle, spit, shout, jump, yell, shake my booty, and fart on demand. I make angry birds treats, confetti cakes, and zombi brains with spaghetti sauce. Green, blue, yellow, and red are the colors that predominately decorate the events of our lives. Today is MY birthday. TODAY I want pink. And so, they must make it for me :) I think that's fair.

29. I gave myself a haircut. I intended to trim my fringe and ended up with a chin length hair cut. Ooops. It isn't perfect, but I'm not rushing out to get it fixed either. Make no mistake I think my hair dresser is worth every penny I give her, however, for someone extremely budget wise it's extra hard to spend that extra money on my self on any kind of a regular basis, and in a month when the income vs expenses starts out in the red I chose to improvise. So, what do ya think?

30. My secret sister at church is pretty amazing. Not sure who she is, hence the secret, but she gave me a pretty rocking present last week. A sweater and shirt so totally me it makes me think she probably knows me well, or knows someone who knows me well, or is really really good at paying attention to details. I'm telling you, this outfit looks like it should have already been in my closet. The shirt didn't fit so I had to exchange it and the store was out, so I had to get a different shirt :((( but the replacement shirt is equally as beautiful so it's all good. I can't wait to wear it at church tomorrow. I'm assuming this was a birthday present and so if your reading this, THANK YOU SO MUCH!

31. Well I did it folks. Somehow I made it to 31 thoughts {about} my 31st Birthday. There was a time where I couldn't see past being a teenager, and I truly believed the Lord would call me home at the age of 23. A time when I thought 30 was old and that by then everything would be figured out, life would be {quote unquote} perfect. But here I am, celebrating 31. Not sure I see myself as having everything figured out or my life as perfect, but with Christ at the center and standing next to the love of my life, watching two handsome, wild, rambunctious, loud, zombie eating, angry bird playing, blue and green loving boys, I'd say it's pretty close.

I hope I didn't bore you too badly, and perhaps you learned something new about me. Though it's all probably worthless information! lol.

Happy December 3rd.

Oh, if your still with me then you deserve this one last fun little tid bit. In college there was this guy that I met at freshman orientation who I thought was cute, we shared a birthday. That's how I met him, the birthday line thing, no talking and line up as close as possible. Anyway, from then on out, every time we passed each other in the halls I'd say "Hi December Third" and he would reciprocate then I'd get a hug. That was part of me breaking out of my "too shy to talk to boys" stage. He was cute, but he's no Brian.